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notsosure2009 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:14 AM

I have been divorced for over 10 years. My ex-husband has been friends with his best friend for 25 years. I have known both of these men just as long. I was married to one, and friends with the other one. My ex-husbands best friend and I have always been able to talk and have been able to have a good healthy relationship as friends. We have never crossed the line or even came near crossing a line. We can have terrific conversation with each other and are very comfortbale talking to each other. Not at ANY time during my marriage or during his marriage were there other feelings for each of us. After not really talking to my ex-husband's best friend for almost 10 yeas, we ran into each other a couple of years ago. We spoke briefly and went on our ways. We came across each other again a while back and since then have found an interest in each other. He is still friends with my ex and I am cordial with my ex. This person went to my ex to talk to him about hanging out with me more before he and I actually did hang out and my ex seemed all for it. Basically gave his blessings and seemed fine with it. 3 days later... complete change of mind. Now I don't know what to do. My ex-husband is happily remarried for over 7 years. We thought by going to my ex first, it was the right thing to do, and that if he initially said he had a problem with it, we would talk about it from there. Now I am torn as to what to do. These friends are now fighting and on the verge of no longer having a friendship. I didn't intiate the original contact with my ex-husbands friend, but feel horrible about this. I told both of these men that their friendship came first. And I asked my ex husband the day he called me to tell me it was okay if he was 100% sure and he said that he was. Now what??

450donn · Jan 20, 2009, 08:24 AM

He had a change of heart. Next is your friend will have to decide if the friendship or you are more important to him. From a mans prospective I can see his problem. On one side he is jealous that his friend finds you attractive, and on the other hand he might be worried that you will compare them sexually to each other, and then he might feel inadequate. It is never a good idea to try and pit two men that know or have been friends for a long time against each other. Someone will loose in the end.

liz28 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:11 PM

You and your husband is divorce so I would go for it. How can he changed his mind in a 3 day spam.

This guy did the right thing by being a man and getting his permission before hand because some wouldn't.

I must ask "what does this guy think about this now since your ex changed his mind"?

shamika · Jan 20, 2009, 08:34 PM

Don't do it because if it was meant to be anything you would have been with him first, plus you don't want your ex to look stupid and start dating one of your CLOSE friends. I have brother's and one thing I've notice is all their have is their pride. Don't hurt him like that.