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mum2five · Jan 17, 2009, 03:50 PM

I have been friends with a guy we met in the school play yard , our children are in the same class. He was having a hard time and was often in tears as his wife was going through breast cancer for the second time.We often had his 4 kids to ours so they could attend hospital etc.
Over the last 3-4 months my friend has escalated.It is clear to see he can not cope.
He is depressed without a shadow of doubt. He has four kids as mentioned aged 15 - twins aged 10 and a 6 year old with a mental age of 3-4 years.
His wife is bed ridden ( except for one day a week which happens to be pay day) she manges to drag herself out of bed to go shopping with him! But every other day she sits in her bed demanding things via msn hotmail.
He is addicted to some war craft game online and spends at least 12 hours per day on it !
No one is allowed inside his house - the worst part is his smell - he is totally un clean his hair mattered and he wears the same clothes day in day out covered in stains and dog hairs.To be honest the only way I can describe it is it is as if cats and dogs have been using his pile of clothes as a toilet area.
He is such a nice down to earth do anything for you type of guy and I really feel for him.
His kids are well mannered well spoken and polite but always being sent home with head lice much to my dismay as mine are friends with them!
He is having trouble with one of his dogs but as well as having 4 kids - 3 cats he has 2 bull mastiff 10 month old pups!
He will not eccept any help !
HOW ON EARTH DO I EVEN BEGIN TO TALK TO HIM !

Fr_Chuck · Jan 17, 2009, 04:34 PM

You don't, not really, he is not going to listen.

Time to call and get children and family services involved.

mum2five · Jan 17, 2009, 04:41 PM

You see this is the problem as I know approx 4 years ago social services had to get involved - they were evicted from the home due to smell seeping through into the bank under which they lived above.
I know that mother's whisper in the playground about him and I hate that! I also know that others must think of calling someone.
I just thought maybe I could talk to him and try to avoid this from happening.As said his kids are not neglected he just neglects himselfe

ja77 · Jan 18, 2009, 09:31 AM

You need to sit down and have a long honest talk with your friend and explain to them that if they carry on the way they are then the children are going to be taken away.

Point out the problems to them in a supportive way, for every bad point - make a good point of how to fix it -

It sounds like your friend is in a real hole right now and think it is good that you care to try and help.

Talk to them and be honest, at first you may find they are very upset and made at you - but I'm sure in time they will see you where only helping them -

startover22 · Jan 18, 2009, 08:39 PM

I do not agree with the long talk (just yet). I do agree that you MUST call social services. YOu want to be kept silent, you want them to keep your name out of things. You need to be there for support after the fact, then you can have your long talk with him. Sounds to me, you care deeply for these kids and if you want to be able to be around them and even make sure they are all right, I would go anonymously to Social Services and tell them everything! Good luck to you and those kids.