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nickie0311 · Jan 17, 2009, 06:07 AM

My husband have been married now for 4 months but have been together for a total of 3 living together for 2 and a half. I love him and his beautiful 11 year old son more than anything. My husband is now disabled and stays home, I support us all and go to school full time. My new step son is entering in his teen years and has become rude and disrespectful to me, he yells, tells me to shut up and that I have no say in his cleanliness, homework or any other aspect of his life. When I try to discipline him, he ignores me, or tells his dad and mother that I am mean, when all I have done is ask him to either clean his room, or do his homework. I get no support from either his mother or father. I feel as though I am working so hard to do the right things for him, with no success. His mother left when he was 6 months old and then decided to come back into his life 4 years ago. She has never paid child support yet feels free to tell me and his father how we should be rearing him. I have resorted to disappearing when she comes to pick him up for his visits. When asked to take the trash out of the house he tells us no and that he doesn't have to. I have no idea what to do. PLEASE HELP!! :(

nike 1 · Jan 17, 2009, 07:08 AM

I had the same problem with my girlfriend's 11 year old daughter. We lived together for two years and she was very disrespectful to me. On some occasions, my girlfriend would tell her about it and she would be fine. But most of the time I was told I was mean to her. Bottom line is, your husband needs to set the standard of respect to his son for you. If he doesn't, there is not much you can do and the problem will purpetuate. You should not at all have to put up with that. Just as I shouldn't have had to. It was a problem that affected many other things in our relationship. We are separated now, trying to work things out, and one of my stipulations with her are that I will not tolerate that ever again. Unless your husband has your back on this, there's just not much you can do. I feel your pain, best wishes.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 17, 2009, 07:27 AM

Your problem is with the husband, not the chlld, for some reasonn he will not inforce the rules, you and he need to sit down and write out rules and what punishment will be for it. And make him sign it and hound him to enforce it.

Also push him to file for child support,

In the end, it will never get better if he does not stand up

mum2five · Jan 17, 2009, 09:26 AM

I remember well how much I resented my step mother. I was 12 when my dad got with her and as much as she tried I hated her of course I did not really hate her but as fas as I was concerned she was taking my dad away from me. It was only as I grew older that I began to soften to her and realise she was not all that bad. I was a daddies little girl and would always tell him she was mean to me of course she never was, but I think this is just a natural reaction. Give your son plenty of quality time alone to spend with his father and try to do family things too.Include him on as many decision making options that you can so he feels he has a say.Good luck x

JudyKayTee · Jan 17, 2009, 09:30 AM

The mother needs to pay support and, as everyone has said, your husband needs to grow a spine and stand up to his child. My stepchildren certainly did not always agree with me (or their father) but my husband tolerated no disrespect.

This will only get worse as the child gets older unless it's stopped now.