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talaniman · Jan 14, 2009, 05:11 AM

For all that talking, neither of you is communicating. Not about the future about NOW!

snoop22 · Jan 14, 2009, 07:02 AM

Talaniman, how should I communicate with her about now? What advice do you have on it? I don't really know how to go about it to be honest... Maybe if I can start the ball rolling on what you're talking about then we can have some type of break through. Whether together again of not... Some progress is better than none.

talaniman · Jan 14, 2009, 07:17 AM

You have to be straight up, and honest about what you expect of her, and this relationship, and then give her time to digest it.

Either give it a positive direction, or leave it alone. I understand she will be away at school, and this is the first time on her own, so she will need time and space, to find her way, but she must also decide where this relationship needs to go.

That's the now, and its about honesty, or else you just keep going through limbo, and possibly prolong the inevitable break up.

I suspect, she will be wanting to enjoy your time together, as she prepares for her school experience without you in the picture.

Thats why i gave you that link, to decide for yourselves, is this going to wind down, or continue.

Even if she is confused, don't you be. You need to be very clear with your communications, to see where she is going with this. Then take the appropriate actions for yourself.

Waiting for a female to make up her mind is crazy and a waste of time, so have your own plan.

snoop22 · Jan 14, 2009, 12:35 PM

Thanks for your advice. Now I just hope that she's somewhat receptive to what I say and doesn't push me away because of it... And yes she still wants to spend time together and she still calls and texts all the time without me initiating it. Thanks again and wish me luck

snoop22 · Jan 15, 2009, 04:04 PM

Well I finally talked to her about it... She said that she wants this relationship to work and that all she asks is that I give her this time to spend with her friends and family and that as soon as we both move down to the same area for school she will recommit herself to me 100%. She feels that if we are together and she doesn't give me all of her and her time that it wouldn't be fair to me. She doesn't quite grasp the whole concept of relationships and needing some space yet. But I'm sure she'll learn soon enough. I hope that she does grow individually and she says that in this month and some change she has already realized what she wants and she's learned more about herself. So I'm happy for her... If anyone has any more pointers on how to keep her interested in me or on how to make our relationship, or whatever you'd like to call it, keep going I'd be very appreciated. Thanks for your time and I'll keep you posted on the results...

talaniman · Jan 15, 2009, 11:18 PM

As we both move down to the same area for school she will recommit herself to me 100%

Just me, No way do do I go along with this plan Translation, break up until she gets back. In the meantime twiddle your thumbs in a corner until then, because she will be having a great time, and you will be waiting. That's not fair either.

Enjoy this while it lasts. Then make a clean break of it. That's just my opinion. That's fair to you both.

She can't lay responsibility on you because she wants to party, nor should you accept it. But you can give her all the time, and space, she wants, guilt free, with a clean amiable break.

snoop22 · Jan 17, 2009, 01:32 AM

Oh I would agree... There would be no reason for me to hang around if she went to school and I stayed back for any length of time. The scenario is that we are living near each other right now. And when she moves for school, I will be moving to the same place for school. It would happen even if we were not together. As my education and advancement of life is important to me... So we wouldn't be away from each other... But I am taking the advice about the break or now. I even talked to one of her friends and she said that my ex talks about me all the time and that she thinks giving her all of the space that she thinks she wants right now is smart because she believes that my ex will realize what she gave up and probably will think that the break wasn't at all what she thought it would be...

artlady · Jan 17, 2009, 01:47 AM

Believe what she is saying to you. Back off a little

Don't call her for awhile and she if she calls you.

You are young and you need to concentrate on your future jobs and take care of studies.

Her Mom is right.Its hard to be in college and commit to your studies and a BF.

Its like one or the other. College is demanding for those that just don't go there to party.

Trust that your relationship will survive the rigors of college life and don't look for problems that aren't there. Cross those bridges when you come to them.

It's a tough time and you both need to trust each other.

jmw0713 · Jan 17, 2009, 08:51 AM

Take this for what it is a break-up. If you sit around waiting for her, you will end up hurt. You'll be waiting for her, while she is at college taking applications for new boyfriends. I don't really believe it's really that hard to have relationships in college, because most of the time the people in the relationship know what each other are going through and can actually help each other get through the work or the studying. I think this is another one of those lame "let him down easy" excuses.

Don't be surprised to hear that she is talking to a new guy. Don't get your hopes up that your will be able to pick up where you left off with her, because this situation sounds like many of the other "I need space situations".

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I would take this for what it is, a break up and proceed accordingly.

snoop22 · Jan 17, 2009, 11:10 AM

Alrighty. Thank you once again for the advice. Always hate to hear that it could be or is pretty much over. But it's a fact of life... For now I'll keep doing the school thing and working out and even going out to lunch with friends. She also just found out that the scholarship she was counting on togo to school fell through. So lots of stress. I'm going to leave her be for a while again and see if she calls. I guess the only way to go about this is keep moving, do my own thing, and if it's meant to be, then it will be... Thanks everyone