[Tayhill1210]

I lost my boyfriend on New Years Eve 2008. We were all at a party and I had to go home that night at 2:00 a.m I left him there because we were at his brother house. He was really drunk but I know that he would be okay. The last words that he told me was that he loved me and that when I Graduated for high school in May that were would move in together and told me that he was so happy to be with me and that he has never been happier. We were standing there and he looked into my eyes and said "I Love You" those were the last words he ever said to me. I left and when home I got a call around 3:00 saying that Wade recked and I needed to get over there as fast as I could I got there and all I saw was lights a policeman stop me and ask who I was and I told him I was Wade's girlfriend he just look at me with this look that "I'm sorry" he told me I could leave my car and walk up where the wreck happened, I got out of my car and RAN, I ran like I never did before. But I felt like I was running forever. When I finally got up there I saw he grandma and some of his friends. Georgia just looked at me with Wade's blood on her and just looked at me and gave me Wade's cell phone. I look at it in my hand and put my hand's on my head and feel to the ground I felt like it was all over that I could not do anything I felt like the whole world was on my shoulders. I could not even get off the grown. They had to pick me up and put me in the car and told me we were going to the hospital. When we got there, there was so many people... I didn't know what to do. We all went into a room and I saw clint Wade's older brother && he was crying... Clint never crys and he said he was sorry && that wade was gone. The doctor came into the room and closed the door and told us that Wade lost his live and there was nothing they could have done. Wade went peacefully but he was not here anymore. When we were talking it was like I was in a DREAM... I was telling myself that this could not be happing WADE Don't DIE HE CANT! This isn't true! WHY WHY WHY did this happen to the one I love the one I want to be with for the rest of my life? Its not fair I would do anything to bring him back. Wade's old girlfriend came into the room and the first thing she said to me was... "where were you at Taylor" like are you serous? I just found out that my boyfriend is dead and youer coming in here and asking where I was when this happened to blame it on me? Yeah if I was there he would have not died and I know that for its hard for someone to come in there and say it. That night was one of the worst nighs of my life!

It has been 11 months since Wade has passed away and I still think about him every day of my life. There is not a day that goes by that he is not on my mind. I have pictures of me and him all over my room but I can't take them down, because if I do I will fell like I'm giving up on him. I just wish that I could told to him and for him to tell me its okay Taylor you can move on but if I had one wish I would be for him to come back... that boy way my life my love my everything! It just not fair that he got taken from me so fast I never got a chance to tell him goodbye WHY... I know why is the one question that will never be answerd but I just want to talk to him so bad!

I need help to try to move on and to know that Wade loves me and if I could talk to him just one more time. But I know that can't happen. I need to know how do I move on when you love someone so much and you haven't seen them in 11 months but you don't care because they are your heart. I haven't dated anyone since because Wade it still my boyfriend, I think the one main things that is stoping me is that I never got closer. I never got to see him passed away. Never it was a close casket, so I still have the feeling that any minute Wade is going to be walking thought that door. But He is not.

I just want some advice from some people who know what I'm talking about && others who want to give me there advice anyway.
Everything happens for a reason but sometimes that reason hurts so bad :(

[HistorianChick]

Oh, sweetheart. I'm so sorry to read about your heartache. This shouldn't have happened to you, or to anyone. Losing someone that you love tears you up, changes you, and makes you long for the days when they were still with you. I know.

When my Dad passed away, I adopted something I call the Ten Minute Rule. It is ten minutes, every day, that you can do whatever you need to do. At a certain time (mine was when I was driving home from work), every day, you have ten minutes to cry, scream, yell, sing at the top of your lungs, pray, talk to Wade, be depressed, fall on your knees and weep, listen to sappy music, anything you want. But after those ten minutes are over, you wipe your eyes, fix your makeup, get off your knees, and GO ON.

You need this. You need a specific time that you can remember Wade because you don't ever want to lose him. But, honey, you have to have time for you. Time to make your life better because that's what Wade would have wanted. He would have wanted you to remember him, yes, but he would also not want you to hurt all the time.

Try this for a week. When yous tart to fee depressed or sad or lonely throughout the day, mentally CHOOSE to say, NO, I am going to make it until 5:00, then I'll take ten minutes, and then I'm going to go on.

It helps. Believe me.

I'm so sorry that your heart is broken... I'm here if you need to talk. Keep your chin up - take the Ten Minute Rule and make it YOURS.

Much, much love and many prayers.

[Tayhill1210]

Thank you so much, I will try that out && even not trying it yet I have a feeling that I will help me. It's okay to cry && I know I need too I just need to let everything out.
Thank You So Much Again!
God Bless.

[mrh05]

I came across your post by searching Google. I lost my boyfriend of 6 years this past June, very unexpectedly, just like you. We were getting ready to live on our own as well and really start our lives together. We had been together all through high school and I was just starting my 4th year of college. I still don't know how to deal with every day life, and I have no healing words for you (I wish I did)... since I still have none for myself. I know how hard every day is. I never got to see him one last time either. I think about my boyfriend every moment of the day and my heart goes out to you, as not many people have to deal with the pain we have to experience. I think it would be good to talk with each other, through e-mail, AIM... whatever. I have never found another person sharing the same devastating experience as us. I'm not quite sure how this site works, I only joined to respond to you. I hope somehow to get in contact. Take care and hope to hear back from you - Michele

[dontknownuthin]

There is so much loss in your story and it would be a lot to handle in your forties much less as a teenager. When I was your age, several of my classmates died from unrelated circumstances. One boy hit a power line, a few died in car accidents, a few from illness and in each situation it was devastating even to those of us who were not particularly close with them because it changed the carefree feeling that life was just starting, and that these were the best years of our lives - it just pulled the rug out from us all. So this has happened to you, but on a far more personal level. It's the loss, the interuption in your youth in such a jarring way, the loss of this man you loved, and the loss of the plans you were making to start a life together after school.

It's not much to offer but all you can reasonably do is make plans for your life and keep moving forward. Consider what you want to do for a living, get some training, continue in school, maybe take some of those tests at your high school or local community college that help assess what you will enjoy and be good at. Set a new goal like "I will live at home for three years and save 60 percent of my earnings so I can buy a home when I'm 21". Spend time with your friends. Avoid alcohol and drugs, not only because of all the other good reasons to avoid them but also because chemically they can make your depression and loss far worse. Build up your body - exercise, consider what you are eating -just take really, really good care of yourself. Your boyfriend would not want you to stay in a state of suffering, nor to be alone forever, or to stay in a state of grief.

So each day do something to move your life forward in a positive direction so that you can move toward really remembering this man as a very sweet, loving part of your history - the person who taught you how to love, and bring that into your future. The loss is only a piece of this experience - not the entire experience of knowing him.

Take care!

[Fr_Chuck]

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