[chrissymarie]

Just a general question:

Is it OK or normal to go back to an ex for sex?

[southerngalps]

I think it is bad news.

But I guess some people can handle it.

[Synnen]

I think it happens all the time.

I also think it's an incredibly stupid thing to do.

[spitvenom]

I've tried it. It always ended much much worse then the original breakup.

[kp2171]

Short answer is I haven't seen this done "well" by many... I can only think of one couple who seemed to be able to hook up later casually, and that was for just a short time, without it becoming just another hurtful event in their lives.

So... define "ok"... I think it completely depends on your relationship, your mindset, and your goals.

Personally, I wouldn't do it in the context of my past relationships.. but those are my specific situations. Well, one addendum... there was one ex I probably would have gone to for sex in a breath... but our breakup was mostly because of "bad timing"... not because we were a bad match... no bad blood, no burned bridges... so if shed shown up at my door one night, asking to spend the night... I'm sure I would not have thought twice.

Now... would that have meant my head would be confused after? Likely. Would be doing the "what are we doing" mental gymnastics. Perhaps.

So... is it done often? I know a few who have done it, but most friends haven't. And I've only dated one girl who could separate sex and the need to "belong" to another in the long run... she just loved sex and didn't care if I dated others while dating her. I didn't date others, but she clearly had a more relaxed approach to sex and relationships.

I know one woman who uses her ex for sex and that's all... sad thing is they have supposedly a fantastic sex life, but they cannot live together... it just doesn't work... so they cycle through this attempt to be with others, then they hook up again, then repeat.

Is that wrong? Well, she doesn't seem happy, so id say no... if casual dating without any long term intention seemed to make her happy, id say it worked for her. But she's now nearly 20 years into this "relationship" and she just isn't happy.

[smoothy]

Its only OK if you are a gluten for punishment. I mean you aren't good enough together to be a couple but its OK to screw them?

[TexasParent]

My ex asked me if I wanted to continue a casual sexual relationship about 2 years after we separated. We didn't talk a lot about it, but her argument was that it was safer than sleeping around.

I said no because I didn't trust her intentions. In my case I believe my ex was trying to insert herself back into my life as a backup plan in case her other plans failed. We had some great sex when we were married and I guess she thought the way to my heart was to rekindle the great sex.

On a personal level, I can't just have sex for sex sake with someone I know (near strangers are a different story) without there being some sort of emotional connection, and I didn't have that with my ex post marriage.

The bottom line is, it's difficult if not impossible to think that you can have sex with your ex without forming a relationship again. It may be a different relationship from what you are used to, but a relationship just the same and with all the potential emotional entanglements that can go with it.

Is it normal? Yes, I would think many people find themselves facing this question about an ex. Is it OK? Listen to your heart, does it feel OK or are you scared of the possible outcomes? If scared, do not proceed.

[Choux]

I think if a couple parts in a friendly manner and each has moved on sexually, that it is OK to have sex with a former *husband* on occasion. I think it could be quite nice. :)

Since almost all marriages end with women being bitter and unable to resolve their anger, these women should not continue a sexual relationship. That would only stunt her personal growth, in my opinion.

[kp2171]

Since almost all marriages end with women being bitter and unable to resolve their anger, these women should not continue a sexual relationship. That would only stunt her personal growth, in my opinion.

Holy crap... we agree twice in a week. Isn't that one signs of the end of times? ;)

My bethrothed has a saying... that men often become the man they needed to be... only after they are divorced or left... much to the frustration of their first wives/loves.

And I hate to say it... but I've seen this to be true more than not... idiots who are left often become the men they needed to be... and if theyd done it sooner they wouldn't have been divorced/left...

Better not get too off topic here. Crissy has made big noise before against those who don't walk lock in step.