[idntknwwhttodo]

I've been with the same guy for a year and a half now, and he is a great guy, he treats me really well, but lately he's been bringing stuff to my attention that I didn't even realize I was doing

Back when we first started dating I was going through a rough stage, I partied way too much and had a bad habit of making out with lots of people when I got drunk , which I am in no way proud of, I wish to anything I could take it alll back, because when I did that I really hurt him deeply. And even though I've moved on past that behavior, I keep doing stuff without thinking about how it is going to affect him, and I keep on hurting him, and he can't get past that stint way back then, everything I do that hurts him now reminds him of that.

I made a big move right before high school, and had my first boyfriend within the first few weeks, and I never actually made friends of my own, all of my friends since then were whoever I was dating's friends first and once we broke up I was left without friends again.
I started college this past semester and finally made a few friends of my own, the problem is them and my boyfriend clash greatly, because they are college students, who like to go out, drink, go to frat parties and alll the like

I'm not into it as much, I mean ovbiously I have fun with them, but it shouldn't have to be getting drunk every night, and my boyfriend has a real problem with that, so my dilemma is, do I make my boyfriend happy, by staying in alll the time, or do I try and keep the first friends of my own that I''ve had in years

And there are so many other ways I've done him wrong, I wish I could be a better person for him, I've really screwed up a few times and hurt him, just because I lacked the common sense to think about stuff before I do it

And his friends are also my friends, I knew most of them in high schoool before I met him, and I really enjoy hanging out with them, they're a lot less high pressure than my college friends who expect you to do what they're doing , if you don't want to do something they are very respectful of that, where as at college, if I say I don't want to go out and get smashed I get made fun of, but all in all, they're his friends first, and I'm not really sure exactly where I fit in that whole situation

And he's such a good guy, he's never really done anything that's hurt me, I just want to be able to be tehre for him more often

I guess I'm just kind of confused all around, any sort of advice would be pretty helpful

[Choux]

Girl, I'm going to talk to you straight. You have a problem with alcohol. Having a problem with alcohol stunts your emotional growth and attaining maturity among other things.

Find an AA meeting in your area and go to meetings... you will meet some wonderful people there who are wise and friendly. :)

It is great that you have such a good boyfriend. :)

Best of luck to you,

[JSingle911]

I honestly don't think you have an alcohol problem, but one can easily result from the friends you are partying with in college. Everybody parties and drinks hard in college. That's the time to get it out of your system. It sounds like you really want more mature friendships at this stage in your life, for various reasons. I never would advocate dumping friends without explaining your reasoning to them, but I would try to gravitate toward your other friends. Just because they were your boyfriend's friends first doesn't mean you have to lose them if you break up. You can develop relationships with them that have nothing to do with your boyfriend. And relating to these more mature friends can naturally gravitate you away from drinking and partying, which you feel compelled to do, but regret.

I hate to only disagree with Choux, but you come here for diverse opinions, right? I never advocate AA. I think their philosophy is flawed. That's just me. To me, NarcAnon and related groups are a better choice.

[friendinneed]

I have been married for several years but my husband is extremely jealous and insecure. He has read my emails, checked my cell phone for who called and for how long. He is always calling and asking me questions. I feel like he is interigating me. I feel like if I just sit at home and not go anywhere or talk to anyone everything will be better. I am so unhappy. Is this a healthy relationship? What are the early signs of a controlling, jealous, needy, etc spouse