[desire001]

I have no one else to turn to, and I really could use some guidance from anyone willing to listen.

I'm 23. I've been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years, I'll call him Victor. Before him, I was dating "James" for 3 1/2 years. James was my soulmate. We started dating when I was 17, he was my first love, and I lost my virginity to him. We had an amazing relationship. He was there for me through hard times, and so was I for him. We always told each other how much we loved each other, and we thought we'd be together forever. We moved in together at about 2 years into our relationship, and we were so happy. At about 3 years, he cheated on me with a girl he met one night when out with friends. It came out of nowhere, and I was devastated. We went to couples counseling briefly, and discovered that he was unhappy because we started having sex less (we were both in school and working and just got into a rut) and because I yelled at him frequently.

I really tried to forgive James, but couldn't. He begged me to give him a chance, but the pain was too raw. And right away that's when I met Victor. He was everything I was looking for in a new guy, and he helped me through my heartbreak. I told James I wanted to stay friends, but he told me it would be too hard for him. So, we went our separate ways.

I've lived with Victor (far away in a different state) since May. I love him like a best friend, but we lack the passion James and I had. Victor and I had a falling out a couple of months into our relationship when I told him (yes, this was way harsh) that I didn't think I could ever love him the way I loved James. He was crushed, and we broke up for a while. When we got back together, I sincerely was over James. So, Victor and I moved in together and everything has been fine. I also have forgiven James for cheating. And I haven't yelled at Victor once in our relationship. Basically, I did a lot of growing up.

But my feelings for James have recently come back. Victor and I don't really have sex very often, and James and I had the best sex life. Victor doesn't do the little things that James did, like kiss me just because, get me flowers, hold my hand. Victor is always unhappy (he has depression), and James and I loved life together. Recently, Victor told me he doesn't want kids, and I NEED to be a mom someday (and James wanted kids with me). Victor doesn't really see himself married. I know Victor would probably end up marrying me and maybe even have children just to make me happy. But he wouldn't really WANT it. BUT Victor also has a solid career, and I'm not sure how financially stable James is. And James' brother and his wife don't really like me. Everyone thinks Victor and I are great together, and in a lot of ways we are, but James made me a lot happier.

James now has a finance (I found this out from his Myspace page). He seems really happy. I think they've been dating about the same amount of time as Victor and I. I'm honestly glad he met such a good girl, but I feel like a piece of my heart will always be his. I haven't had contact with James in two years. I go back to the state he's living in to visit friends in March. Should I try to get in contact with him and profess my love? Is it better to risk everything to be with my true love or to take the "easy" option and stay with Victor. I feel if I do this I will always wonder what could have been with James.

And if I really try to get in contact with James, how do I try to win him back effectively?

[desire001]

I have no one else to turn to, and I really could use some guidance from anyone willing to listen.

I'm 23. I've been dating my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years, I'll call him Victor. Before him, I was dating "James" for 3 1/2 years. James was my soulmate. We started dating when I was 17, he was my first love, and I lost my virginity to him. We had an amazing relationship. He was there for me through hard times, and so was I for him. We always told each other how much we loved each other, and we thought we'd be together forever. We moved in together at about 2 years into our relationship, and we were so happy. At about 3 years, he cheated on me with a girl he met one night when out with friends. It came out of nowhere, and I was devastated. We went to couples counseling briefly, and discovered that he was unhappy because we started having sex less (we were both in school and working and just got into a rut) and because I yelled at him frequently.

I really tried to forgive James, but couldn't. He begged me to give him a chance, but the pain was too raw. And right away that's when I met Victor. He was everything I was looking for in a new guy, and he helped me through my heartbreak. I told James I wanted to stay friends, but he told me it would be too hard for him. So, we went our separate ways.

I've lived with Victor (far away in a different state) since May. I love him like a best friend, but we lack the passion James and I had. Victor and I had a falling out a couple of months into our relationship when I told him (yes, this was way harsh) that I didn't think I could ever love him the way I loved James. He was crushed, and we broke up for a while. When we got back together, I sincerely was over James. So, Victor and I moved in together and everything has been fine. I also have forgiven James for cheating. And I haven't yelled at Victor once in our relationship. Basically, I did a lot of growing up.

But my feelings for James have recently come back. Victor and I don't really have sex very often, and James and I had the best sex life. Victor doesn't do the little things that James did, like kiss me just because, get me flowers, hold my hand. Victor is always unhappy (he has depression), and James and I loved life together. Recently, Victor told me he doesn't want kids, and I NEED to be a mom someday (and James wanted kids with me). Victor doesn't really see himself married. I know Victor would probably end up marrying me and maybe even have children just to make me happy. But he wouldn't really WANT it. BUT Victor also has a solid career, and I'm not sure how financially stable James is. And James' brother and his wife don't really like me. Everyone thinks Victor and I are great together, and in a lot of ways we are, but James made me a lot happier.

James now has a finance (I found this out from his Myspace page). He seems really happy. I think they've been dating about the same amount of time as Victor and I. I'm honestly glad he met such a good girl, but I feel like a piece of my heart will always be his. I haven't had contact with James in two years. I go back to the state he's living in to visit friends in March. Should I try to get in contact with him and profess my love? Is it better to risk everything to be with my true love or to take the "easy" option and stay with Victor. I feel if I do this I will always wonder what could have been with James.

And if I really try to get in contact with James, how do I try to win him back effectively?

[Justwantfair]

He has moved on and I think that "professing your love" at this point would be a very selfish thing to do, you stand to crush and hurt a lot of people in this scenerio.

If Victor is not the one, you need to decide that for yourself, not for the chance of rekindling an old flame. Handle your situation with your current boyfriend, give yourself time to know yourself as a single person before you seek out a new relationship with anyone, if Victor is not the right person for you.

[ISneezeFunny]

To be honest, your love life has flip flopped inside and out. You broke up with a guy, then got with another guy soon, moved in with him, then broke up, then got back, etc. etc. etc.

Since James is already engaged, like Justwantfair said, you professing your love for him will probably not do much, but just hurt the people around the issue.

I suggest you move on from James, and if you're not happy with Victor, move on from him too.

[ThatGuy2]

Perhaps you should try not to be so selfish. It's never been fair to Victor because you are obviously not over your ex. It's also unfair to James if you popped back into his life especially now that he's engaged. Are you sure you don't just want him back because he's engaged now? Are you sure you even want him back? He cheated on you and that's a deal breaker. The last thing you need right now is a relationship with someone. You need to take some time to find yourself and realize what it is that you need. If you want to be with someone for their solid career or awesome sex skills, that is not love. Sorry to be harsh, I'm just telling you how it is.

[ferrell_2006]

You haven't been with this guy for 2 years haven't even seen him and now you want him back... I have no doubt you will always have a place in your heart for him but I would feel safe to say this is classic signs of " you want what you can't have" which is typical for a female (me being a female) its common for us to be jelous of feeling like some other girl is taking what we consider ours... and as said above it really isn't fair to this guy or his girl to interrupt his relationship if they are engaged then I'm sure he's happy and I wouldn't want to interfere... think on the girls part how much she would hurt do you want to be that same girl that caused you guys to break up because she slept with your boyfriend... that would be kind of cowardish... dont be the girl that caused your very own heartache not so long ago
And also that's not fair to victor to do that to him and wouldn't it be kind of wrong to go behind his back? Kind of like cheating? You have to be fair them also... and if you only want to be in these relationship because of how good the sex is then you don't love either one of these guys... you can't always have a great guy and a great sex life I think id be happy with the great guy because that don't happen often... but good luck!

[talaniman]

I think you need to leave them both alone, until you can be honest with yourself, and grow a little more.

Not being harsh, but you're a lousy partner for any one right now, and need some time to just work on yourself.