[JustHisGirl]

OK. If you are not comfortable with him watching porn. You need to tell him that he has to stop. Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he has to look at porn. I told my boyfriend I wasn't OK with him watching it so he stopped. And I do believe that he stopped. You have every reason to not trust him if he was doing it behind your back. You really need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and he has to stop and that your not going to deal with it anymore. Or break up with him. You shouldn't have to hurt and be upset and worry what he's doing.

[smoothy]

He's going to be harboring resentment if you go around dictating what he is going to do and not do... and trust me one day he's going to get fed up, leave or worse as a result.

[Synnen]

I hope that anyone that TELLS their significant other that they can no longer watch porn is TOLD by their significant other that they can no longer do something they enjoy.

[JustHisGirl]

People have different views on porn. Its harmful to a relationship if the other isn't OK with it. People should understand that if your spouse or whatever doesn't want you to look at it, you should respect them enough to not look at it.

[Synnen]

In most cases where porn is an issue in a relationship, the issue is ALSO that the person who has a problem with it is lacking in self-confidence.

If my partner told me I had to give up something I really enjoy--like, say, erotic literature--because he was threatened by it, then I would probably give up the thing I liked, but ONLY if two things happened: 1. they gave up something THEY liked (in this case, let's say it's "football") that I didn't and 2. they sought counseling for their self-esteem issues.

[JustHisGirl]

Well I disagree with you. But people have different opinions.

[smoothy]

You are entitled to have your opinion... but keep in mind one persons rights stop where the others begin. He's an adult and as such has the right to do as he wishes.

Unless you are open to being told whom you can speak to, where and when you can go out, etc without prior permission.

See my point... this controlling stuff can go both ways.

[JustHisGirl]

Personally I don't think its controlling. Porn should only be in a relationship if and only if both people are OK with it. A lot of girls don't want their bf's watching other naked women and having to feel like they are being compared to those women. I know a lot of guys don't compare the 2. but a lot of girls feel like they do.

[Synnen]

And guys shouldn't have to measure up to the expectations that girls get from movies and romance novels and the media.

So... if the girl says "no porn!", then he's well within his rights to say "no romances--no movies, no books, no celebrity magazines!"

Personally, I think Disney has done more harm to peoples' sex lives than porn has. 15 year old girls get the impression that the first guy they meet is the man they'll have "happy ever after" with, fall in love when really it's just their hormones talking, and will give in to whatever a guy wants, losing their identities, because OBVIOUSLY this is their Prince Charming and they have to do whatever it takes to make that relationship work.

I wonder how many teen pregnancies can be blamed on Disney? I wonder how many guys are completely bewildered by the expectations women have of romance and are flabbergasted when women are upset that he didn't do whatever romantic thing SHE was thinking of--the idea of which she got from SOME corny movie or book.

I wonder how many guys have been compared to the hero in romance novels and found lacking.

So--it works both ways. If SHE can say "no porn" then HE can say "No romance stories that give you false expecations of a relationship".

Really--I frankly think that if two people can't get on the same page about romances AND porn, then you may as well break up, because neither of you will ever be happy with the other person demanding that you give up something you enjoy.

[JustHisGirl]

Well I told my boyfriend no porn and he's cool with it. He understands how I feel about it. I just think porn is a very different situation. It can ruin a sex life or anything. It can become an addiction. I do get what your saying about if you tell your boyfriend no porn he should be able to say OK well no... whatever.. I get that. And that would be fair. But I do personally see it differently

[smoothy]

personally i dont think its controlling. porn should only be in a relationship if and only if both people are ok with it. a lot of girls dont want their bf's watching other naked women and having to feel like they are being compared to those women. i know alot of guys dont compare the 2. but a lot of girls feel like they do.

It is controlling... you are attempting to exert control over what he does in his free time.

What do you enjoy doing now that he can forbid you to do being as part of a relationship as well.

Those girls are the ones with the problems... guys do not compare their girlfriends to porn stars or Jessica Alba, or Jennifer Aniston.

Should he not watch movies because you don't comapre to Jessica Alba in her looks? Of course not. Nor should they be blaming their boyfriends for their own insecurities.

[JustHisGirl]

Guys who cause a big problem about their gf's asking them to not watch porn or telling them that the porn makes them uncomfortable, they are probably addicted to it. This is how I feel. That's how you feel. I'm not going to argue about it.

[Synnen]

Moved this discussion from the other post, because we were taking it over, which would not help the OP any.

If guys that won't give up porn for their women just because she's got issues with it are "addicted", then women that won't give up movies and romance novels are "addicted" to them as well.

Seriously--it's not ABOUT porn. It's about trying to control another adult. You can ASK him not to watch porn, but you can't TELL him that he can't. If he's okay with your point of view, then GREAT! But what if he's not? Is he then automatically "addicted" because he doesn't want to give up something he enjoys just because she's not comfortable with it?

By the way--I feel the same way about women having guy friends. Men get really insecure about that sometimes, and want to dictate to their girlfriends that they can't have friends that are guys.

It's the same thing.

It comes down to one person's insecurities controlling their partner's activities.

That's just dumb.

So it comes down to you either accept that the other person will NOT give up their choice for you, or you leave because they won't, or you compromise with what is acceptable through discussion.

Regardless what you choose, you make your OWN choice. If you're unhappy with that choice, you have no one to blame but yourself.

[spitvenom]

What would you do if you found out your BF was watching porn but not telling you? Is all trust lost right there and you end the relationship or would you try to work it out with him?

[Synnen]

I'd probably ask him why he didn't ask me to join him, honestly.

If he LIED to me about it, that's different entirely. Relationships can't be built on lies.

But seriously--it's just naked women. He comes home to ME every night, and spoils ME rotten, and loves me to the core---what the heck is a little porn going to hurt me?

[magprob]

Please email your Senators, Congressmen and Reps and tell them to vote for the Porn Industry Bailout!
Come on now, can we really live without Girls Gone Wild? No. You know we can't.

[smoothy]

What would you do if you found out your BF was watching porn but not telling you? Is all trust lost right there and you end the relationship or would you try to work it out with him?

Do you relay everything you watch or talk about to others to him? Or every book you read? I'm willing to be that you aren't. But by your reasonig you should. You expect him to relay everything he does to you.

See the point here I'm making? Expecting others to do things you yourself are not willing to do. And as an adult you shouldn't have to do.