[a la king]

You are going to learn the hardway, huh?

[Gearhe4d]

you are going to learn the hardway, huh?

I've already lost her as a girlfriend (at least for now) why lose her as a friend too?

[411Help]

Sounds like the common case of the first broken heart. You obviously aren't listening. Then, why ask?

[Gearhe4d]

Try to understand that I am trying to listen to everyone and really learn from all of this, but it's extremely difficult to just completely cut off the person I love most in this world.

[a la king]

I've already lost her as a girlfriend (at least for now) why lose her as a friend too?

Because you're going to turn into a puppydog. In fact, I think it's safe to say you already are a puppydog.

[Gearhe4d]

I'm not really sure what you mean.

[a la king]

Try to understand that I am trying to listen to everyone and really learn from all of this, but it's extremely difficult to just completely cut off the person I love most in this world.

I don't think you've listened to a single thing here. What you've done is basically justified being a doormat.

[expat2009]

All right, given that you are probably are not going to listen to us... You will slowly transition from the ex-zone to the friend-zone. Not only will you be in the friend-zone but she will also be well aware that you are madly in love with her, which means she will get whatever she wants from you, emotionally and such. This will cause you great pain. Every single day---it won't cease as long as you maintain your feelings towards her---which you won't. Eventually, she will meet other guys --first as friends-- then one day she will give you the news. From there on it's all going to get worse... I say this because I was there. Eventually, I left. In some 9 months or so I was completely over her. Today, I have her friendship once more. Far from best friends but we share good memories. You see? You will NEVER lose her. This time away from her --as long as it takes to heal-- is for you! When you are ready you can look her up, and I'm sure she will be happy to be your friend then and so will you.

Anyway, in the end, it's all up to you. Take whatever advice that you can take and good luck with everything. I really hope --although veeeery improbable-- that you come back one day and tell us all to stick it because you are back with her and happy once more.

[ferrell_2006]

Your wanting someone to get on here and tell you it will be OK and they had some success story its not going to happen we have all been there and even though you are more then likely going to continue to have full contacvt with her no matter what we say and yes we all understand how hard it is to juss to forget all contact with the person you are in love with this happens every day... we are trying to help you and the best thing for you is forget her for awhile get your own life straight you have to get over her and then you can be friends or else this terreible feeling you are feeling right now will be there forever unless you like it

[stuckinarut]

Yea when I said earlier that I thought you shouldn't let the love of your life slip away, I didn't mean to go let her trample all over you! I meant that you shouldn't let her slip away if she wants to come back. Seriously, please listen! You have to give her space. You think she's the greatest person in the world. News flash: she probably isn't. If you listen to what we say, you will get over her in time and find someone else who is even better! OMG! There is no one better, right? Yes there is. You will never find that new girl, though, if you continue to follow after her. So let it go, and in the end you will both end up happy and friends.

[expat2009]

The fact that this is a forum on the internet doesn't mean we aren't real people that have feelings. All of us here, kctiger, a la king, arzy, itried, ferrell, 411help, and many others have felt--or are feeling-- similar pain that you are feeling now. You think we aren't as IN LOVE as you are?? You think I don't think about my girlfriend --or ex-- all the time? I miss her like crazy! Geez!! I'd give my left ball to be with her now, cuddled up on the couch watching a movie--rather than giving advice to a stranger!

What we say here to you is for your own good not ours. Many of us are trying to move on. Trying to forget them--because let's face it, we have very slim chances --and so do you. Why wait for someone to make up their mind when we are giving them our hearts? Not fair is it? I want to move on because I hate this pain, and I hate the fact that she can't be mine. I hate that I am hurting knowing that she's out there moving on while I am over here trying to forget her. That's what NC is for, so we can forget easier and relieve this pain.

YES! I think she is the most amazing and beautiful thing in this world. But she is mine no more. I know If I call her right this moment and tell her I want to be her friend instead of losing her she would be happy to. But I don't want to stand there giving her my heart while she keeps her's away safe from me to give to someone else. No thank you, been there done that, and believe me, the pain is even worse than being dumped cause then you are being replaced. Like a used tyre, forgotten and discarded. That's what the friend-zone is like. True friendship is awesome but not when you love someone without reciprocity. This is not my opinion. It's a fact.

[talaniman]

Every one who comes here finds it extremely difficult to cut an ex out of their life, and it's the hardest thing you will ever do, no matter how many times it happens, but especially the first time.

The first thing you must face is after a break up, everything changes, as her feelings, and attitudes, are not the same any more, and where you see a friend slip away, until your heart is healed from the hurt and pain, and your head has accepted this break up, you will be lousy friends, because everything she says will confuse you, and give you the false hope she wants you back.

Why? Because that's what you really want from her, and that's all you will see is her changing back by some miracle, or because you think she will see what she has missed.

Seldom does it work that way. You will be very miserable wondering what she is doing, and to whom, and although she still talks to you, it will be as a friend, and not like it was before. The worst part is when she is to busy for you, and spends time with another, and that will really hurt. So you see, the more contact after a break up, the more you keep that hole in your soul open, and unfulfilled, and all the feelings, and emotions still stirred up, and the pain fresh and up front.

That's what NC helps you with, giving you a chance to see what your really doing to yourself, and giving you that chance to heal, and deal with what your going through. Its not about losing your best friend, its getting yourself back, and being good to you. Then you will be happy with yourself, and be able to share that happiness with others. We all have had to learn how to cope with our hurt, and disappointments, and so shall you.

[ferrell_2006]

What you have to think about is she keeps wanting a "break" from you and your relationship and you keep hangin around being there for her and your not letting yourself be happy its time for you to be a man and tell her you want a break you want a break from the friend role because that's just a joke... dude she has you on a leash I can tell you right now all it is she has you where you are crazy about her you won't move on and you would do anything for her its like your still dating almost but your not so she can go be free meet guys , etc... and when and if she ever needs a fling your right there... you her safe spot you make her feel like she will never be alone because if she doesn't have anyone else for awhile and she begins to get lonely well guess what right there you are... she's using you if she really really loved you she wouldn't want a break... she don't want to be with you but she wants you close so no one else can have you... because even if you move on a little bit she snap her fingers and say she wants you back and there you go right back to her until that girl is out of the picture... move on buddy

[Arzy99]

DUDE!. please listen to us and everything we are saying. You are going to create a longer and more painful journey for yourself otherwise. This thread is now 10 pages of everyone telling you the same thing. You really need to open your eyes and READ what we are saying and try to understand. Its such a hard situation.. we understand, all of us here have been or are going through heartache... we are here for support... but when 6 million people are telling you the same thing.. its time to listen dude!.
Move on, live well, be happy.. it wasn't meant to be!. Im sorry!

[compsavvyimnot]

So... We've all heard your entire situaton.
You've read everyone's reply.
Still... you feel you have to be with her.
I say do it... be her friend,but know, like what everyone has been telling you, it's going to hurt, a lot.
If you can't live with out her, the other choice is to live in pain with her.
This is the answer you've been waiting for, right? : Be her friend, be there for her when she needs you, be there for her beck and call. Move into her friend-zone. It'll be OK. Enjoy her company and let her enjoy yours-at her convenience.

But know, it will be painful. You'll see her with other guys, you'll be there to witness her love for someone else grow. And you, well you'll be placed in a whole different list. This list is one for those that can not cross over to the place you want to be. Why should she be your girl-friend when she can have you as a friend and still give her heart to someone else?

It will be OK. You will heal, it'll take soooo much more time for you to heal but, you will heal. The advice given to you by all these guys is to help you heal faster, to grow and learn, faster. In hopes that you will not hold herself to her, so that you don't miss out on the girl that might be there waiting to be your one and only. I agree. But if you say you'd be OK with the pain that is to come. Then that's on you.

You won't crumble and die from this, the more pain and tribulation you experience, the more you build your character. Everyone's hoping that you build it with may different experiences instead of just from her.

I did tell you that I broke off and got back together after a year. I also need to let you know that I did keep in touch with him. It hurt him a whole lot more than I had thought. It drove him to drinking and druging. It drove him to near suicide at one point. This is the kind of pain that everyone is trying to spare you from. It took him a long time to realize that I wasn't worth it, it took me a whole lot of convincing, to make him understand that I could be with someone so lacking. So he took my advice and started to go about his life. After I was done with my break, he was glad to take me back. But if I never returned to him, he would have been OK. He would be missing me but it all would have been OK.

On an another note. During my "break" I met a guy. He fell in love with me but I didn't love him, he knew this. He even tried to date my sister, in hopes that she may have the same qualities as I do. They were not a match made in heaven. But after 3 years, I couldn't understand how one of the nicest people I know, could be with such a witch. It took me another year to realized, that he dealt with her bull just to be around me and my family. He even dealt through my man's chaos to make sure he is around to be there for me. Once realized, I tried to make him understand that he is my best friend and him breaking up with my sister wouldn't change that. So without a second thought he broke up with her. I've known him now for 6 years. He's been my best friend for 3 of those 6. Things are happening in my life that causes my man to be away for quite some time. My best friend, in a drunkin stuper broke down and confessed his love for me. I don't love him, not in that way. It took me a lot of convincing to make him realized that he is my friend. FRIEND, once some one becomes a close friend, someone a good girl like me would not want to lose. A good girl would not RISK losing you as a friend by trying to see if it could be more. I can't explain to you the pain I've seen in his face. The desperation of wanting me to know that I deserve more, that he is the one that can give me that, that we were perfect for each other. You might not want to be in this list.

Like I said either way you choose to go about it, you will be OK, it's only a matter of how resilient you are to pains of the heart and time.
Cut contact to heal and maybe she'll come back to you, if she doesn't then nothing lost.
Or keep contact and keep the wound fresh for as long as you want to, with a big possibility that she doesn't come back to you, everything lost except memories(good and painful).

Whew that was a long one, but you asked for it.:D

[alia4m]

You know what I agree with you people! This is just going to keep hurting you, so why bother? That girl needs to cut you some slack. If that girl really did love you believe me you would have known if she did without all the "I need a break" and ! Believe me I've been in a worse situation where I fell for a prostitute. That little had been acting for two ing years and not even her family or friends found out that she was a prostitute. Can't believe I fell for that ! And trust me you would NOT want to know what that little prostitute is like. So here's my advise to you, don't look for true love, let true love look for you, believe me it works!

[411Help]

Man, honestly, I'm in the same situation you are in. Listen to me! The longer you keep in touch with her the longer your pain duration will be. Whether you want to be in indescribable heart ache is irrelevant to me, but I'm guessing you don't. I just talked to my EX yesterday to wish her a happy birthday, and stupid me, stayed on the phone for about 35 minutes. I even found out she was dating a new guy. Isn't that great? Now, I'm back to Day 1. But, you know what? That's OK. Because, I'm just going to get back on the horse and continue riding, no matter how many times I fall off. That's what you need to do. The jealousy, the hurt, and the pain you are feeling are all normal. And the contact you are maintaing with her will not help.

[jmw0713]

You will wake up one day soon and realize we were all right. This will probably be after she has stomped you heart further into the pavement. You are in for a really hard lesson to learn. Sometime people just have to learn for themselves... the hard way.

You will realize this very soon. When you finally accept the reality of the situation, we will all still be here helping others like you.

Good Luck! When your head starts pounding from cracking it on the brick wall of a break-up, take some aspirin. You're going to need it.

[talaniman]

The sad thing is you will probably end up blaming her for sending you mixed signals.

[Gearhe4d]

So, are you guys who have gone through this kind of situation and practiced "No Contact" happy now? Have any of you moved on and found this magical person who everyone talks about and feels exactly the same way for you as you do for them?

I need some kind of hope here that it isn't just going to get slightly less painful every day.