[funshe]

I have been with my boyfriends for about 3 years, I love him a hell of a lot. I hold him very highly, I realized that very late in the game because I guess I didn't know what I wanted. I guess I wanted to have fun and have someone close to me. He had only 2 rules no cheating and no liying but when it came to being honest and faithfull I was completely shot.
I went to college late in the game and he was studying for a major exam. I lived in the dorms and he was a few miles away. It became easy for me to lie to him about things that I knew he wouldn't approve of and never thought twice. I wanted to have fun and have him too. I know.. I was very selfish and decietfull.
I don't know where the turn about came but we were fighting a lot because I would never answer my phone and because I was busy and that only helped him to loose more trust that was in him for me. But for me the issue was just the insecurity that we had as a relatioship. I was not used to being hidden from anyone's family and no matter how many attemps I made to get him to present me to thte fam, he would still not commit to introduce me to his family. Even though, I value family and he had already met mine and was completely engrosed in it.
I realize in hindsite it's a bit hypocritical but I just wanted to have that sense of security and since I never got it I began to think hard core that once his studies were finished I was going to get kicked to the curb. I guess the worse thing was the kick in the ego when people close to me saw it and assumed the same because he was so engrosed in his studies that I seemed second plate at first. Work. Towards the ending of his studying it got tougher and we were breaking and making up a lot. I then managed to cheat on him for almost a year, I lied before but cheated physically the last 6-8 mo. Of our relationship. The last 3 months we were broken up but living in the same apartment. It made it hard for him and it made me very caloused.
So now I came clean after repeatedly denying that I did something and he really shows that he still wants to be with me but he want me to come clean about everything. I guess my doubt is that it will never leave his mind and that even though we are not a consegrated couple we are almost married, we even went to go and make vows after I confesed I cheated. I want to be with him. I was wrong in all forms, but I was also hurt and confused since he was busy my concerns and confusion hit the back burner and it made them build up. I know I should have been honest and courageous and broken it between us, but I was so attached to him and didn't want to let go.
I feel that I can commit but I am scared and full of regret. Things are getting rough and his anger is increasing the longer that I take to tell the whole unadultered truth. He wants no sugar coating or omitting, which he is in his full right to ask. I just need to know what other people see, because I see me sacrificing for this relatioship and I know he was because he has taken my cheating and has still managed to make vows to be together but are we doing the right thing by holding on. I need insight... please give me insight from the outside.:(

[talaniman]

A part of growing up, and making decisions for yourself is doing what your afraid to do, or bear the consequences for your actions.

You can keep lying by holding back, and get kicked to the curb. Or you can come clean, and face the possibility of getting kicked to the curb. One thing for sure, do nothing, and you get kicked to the curb.

You can always run away, and start fresh somewhere else, but unresolved issues are haunting, and come back to bite us, so I hope you give it thought, and overcome your fear, and deal with your consequences, what ever they are.