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xcookiemonstorx · Jan 6, 2009, 03:50 PM

Ok I haven't posted on here for a while. But I feel like I really need help with my situation. I don't know what to do...
I've been through a lot of ups and downs with my ex boyfriend. It seemed like we would always try and work things out but it never ended up the way we wanted. Like I feel like I love him very much, and he loves me, but I don't think were in love.
Well I just found out I'm 7 weeks pregnant and it's his kid. So now he's very excited and wants to be with me and try and make things work. I would have been all for giving it another shot but I have been seeing someone else lately.
I told the new guy as soon as I found out and he didn't care at all. He was very sweet about it and said it changed nothing about how he felt about me. He is gone to school sometimes and my ex says he wants to be around a lot due to the pregnancy.
I just feel so confused. I don't know what to do.
My ex's reaction surprised me because we were broken up for a while, and we were fine with it. But still went out occasionally and talked as friends. And now his family knows about it and he didn't even tell them me and him broke up. He says because he planned on getting back together with me. He was upset I started talking to someone else so soon and now is even more hurt I don't really want to be with him and were having a baby.
I really could fall in love with this new guy. But then again there's a baby involved now and I don't want to hurt either one of them. I'm just really upset and I know that's bad when your pregnant. :(
Any advice would be amazing...

Romefalls19 · Jan 6, 2009, 03:59 PM

You have to do what makes you happy, what is in the best interest of your child. This charade could end with your ex, so if you chose that path then be prepared for that as well.

asking · Jan 6, 2009, 04:19 PM

This is going to sound harsh and totally unacceptable to a lot of people.

I think you should have noticed you were pregnant a month ago (what took so long?) and at that point, you probably should have had an early abortion, since you don't know who you want to be with and seem immature. I do not think you should choose EITHER of these men. If you had a clue what you were doing, you wouldn't be trying to choose between them; you'd know. So, you don't know what you want.

Instead, think about this baby. Can you raise it by yourself? Do you really want a baby now? How old are you? Do you have any education? Do you want more? Will your family help you if you end up alone? This is serious. This is NOT a boyfriend problem. You need to be clear how you are going to raise a child and if you even can. A child needs you completely for many years. It's not something you can change your mind about. You could still have an abortion, but the longer you wait, the worse for the baby. Adoption is another option if you don't have the resources to raise a baby on your own. Don't dither on this. Be serious and stop worrying about which guy.

Questions to answer:
1. Do I carry this baby to term?
2. If I carry the baby, do I keep it or put it up for adoption?
3. If I keep the baby, how will I support a baby and myself for 18 years if Boyfriends A-Z decide not to be involved.

ylaira · Jan 6, 2009, 04:40 PM

A child can always have a father without necessarily living with his mother.

I wonder why this sounds difficult for you when its no sense. Are you tempted to go back with your ex?

xcookiemonstorx · Jan 6, 2009, 04:44 PM

Umm I'm 23 and I definatley am keeping the baby. The dad would definitely be a part of his life. That is not even a question here. It's a definite. I have a job. The ex has a job. My family will help. No way will I get an abortion. This is completely a boyfriend issue. And I'm not immature I just have a lot of I'm dealing with. Have been through a lot of and was just looking for advice. My bad.

chuff · Jan 6, 2009, 07:33 PM

I totally disagree about having an abortion. Why a baby should not get to live because of this is below my pay grade. Beyond the killing of the baby, you will never forgive yourself and you put your health in danger. A lot to give up for a boyfriend problem.

I'm inclined to tell you to drop both guys until the baby is born. The reason I say this is, I think this drama should be reserved for a time when your body and emotional state are more stable.

I just don't think you know enough about another guy in 7 weeks or less to be making statements like you could fall in love. To me that's just too soon to decide something like that. It's more of a rebound relationship at this point

asking · Jan 6, 2009, 07:35 PM

Originally Posted by xcookiemonstorx

umm I'm 23 and I definatley am keeping the baby. The dad would definitely be a part of his life. That is not even a question here. It's a definite. I have a job. The ex has a job. My family will help. No way will I get an abortion. This is completely a boyfriend issue. And I'm not immature I just have a lot of I'm dealing with. Have been through a lot of and was just looking for advice. My bad.

Okay, good. I am glad you are older than you initially sounded and that you have a job and have decided to keep the baby.

Who will look after the baby while you and your ex boyfriend are at work?

the dad would definitely be a part of his life.

This kind of thing varies a lot from guy to guy and also over time. He may start enthusiastic but fade away if you end up with someone else and he finds a new love and his "own" kids. Don't count on this. You said you two argued a lot. That sounds bad.

xcookiemonstorx · Jan 6, 2009, 07:37 PM

Thanks I agree. I definitely have the resources to take care of it. I was just looking for advice about my ex mostly, because I used to write on here about him before and people gave me good advice that really helped. My problem is I'm too nice, if that makes any sense. I worry a lot about other people. But I agree with a baby on the way I should concentrate on myself for now. :)

asking · Jan 6, 2009, 07:41 PM

Originally Posted by xcookiemonstorx

My problem is I'm too nice, if that makes any sense. I worry a lot about other people. But I agree with a baby on the way I should concentrate on myself for now. :)

Being too nice makes total sense. Very sorry I was harsh before. I would not go back to the ex, because of the way you described him. And yeah, focus on the baby and take it very slow with the new guy. Good luck!

talaniman · Jan 7, 2009, 12:00 AM

Don't do anything right now but deliver a healthy child, and when that child gets here do whatever you must to make sure you provide a healthy, happy environment.

The more people working together to share love and care, the better, and it won't matter about boyfriends, or fathers, just adults working together to raise a happy baby.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 7, 2009, 05:38 AM

OK, first if you are 7 weeks you could not have been broken up for very long, seven weeks at the longest

So how long with the new guy, a few weeks four or five at most?

If you "love" the old person, it is not right to be with the new, but what are the problems that don't change with the old. A baby will not solve problems, it makes more so you have to solve the old issues if that is to work.

Sounds like time to back off from all of them, and have some alone time to see and decide what you want to do

HistorianChick · Jan 7, 2009, 06:03 AM

I'm just wondering if you would be feeling this way if you weren't carrying his child.

You broke up for a reason and stayed apart for a reason - that reason hasn't changed just because he got you pregnant.

You really need to consider the why's to your breakup and see if you're willing to risk that again.

xcookiemonstorx · Jan 8, 2009, 01:05 PM

Thanks I agree. Im going to concetrate on myself and the child for now and for a while until I can see what will be best. Thanks again for the advice :)