[freshup]

Hello,

I am asking this question to help a friend. She lives in the UK and has been in an arranged marriage for several years. They have 3 kids. From the beginning the marriage was bad. He is an alcoholic and he is stoned every day. A few months ago the relationship became violent as well. His family is very ich and all their assest are in his families name. She stays home for the kids cause she doesn't trust her in laws with her kids and she doesn't have any family in the UK. She has no money to take out and nowhere to go to. She ran away from him but he found her and forced her to go back to him. After a few days she tried to commit suicide because she doesn't know a way out of it anymore.
He doesn't look after the kids or do anything in the house. When they fight he tells her she can pack her bags but she will never have the kids. He puts her down every possible way and she has no confidence left that she will ever be able to get out of this. I am scared if that's the case she will do something bad. I think if she tries to run with the kids that he will go after her and get her killed, I have heard him treathen her several times.
Does anybody have good advise on how I can help her??

[450donn]

Arranged marriage? So I have to assume that she is/was not western? This is a real problem. Not sure about the UK, but here in the USA there are shelters for battered women. Please check into them for her. This sounds like a serious problem. If you believe that violence is happening in the home, get the police involved. You could also try and get social services involved and maybe get the children out of the house, then it could be easier for her to get out.

[Choux]

NO matter what happens, she is going to have to develop more inner strength so she can handle her problems in a better way than suicide-ing.

I'm sure there are prvate resources for battered women... group meetings, counselling, fellowship along with classes in many areas such as art, and whatever.

Best wishes to both of you, :)

[ja77]

I have enclosed some links that maybe of help.

In the UK there has been a law passed regards forced marriages.

Your friend really needs to get away with the kids ASAP for all of them.

If your friends seeks help from the local government office (housing office) - police they will ensure that her and the kids have a safe place to go to get away from her husband and remain safe.

There details will also be kept secure and the husband will have a restraining order issued against him by a court once she seeks legal advise. In regards to cash and funding - there are a number of charities which will assist her and the kids as well as maybe being intitled to government support from DWP.

Women's Aid - Homepage

Welcome to WaDt

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women's_shelter

http://www.thesite.org/sexandrelatio...ukmarriagelaws

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Restraining_order

[ja77]

This link I think will be of best use - it is a direct Government run website -

http://www.thesite.org/homelawandmon...mesticviolence

Your friends needs to get away asap please use the links and get her out.

Good luck Ja

[jennifer84]

I agree, try and find a shelter for battered women. Has she thought about a restraining order? Lf she can prove he is a danger to their kids then they will put a restraining order/protective order so he can come near the kids.

[JBeaucaire]

The only way she will ever be strong enough to help those kids is to get out and get on her feet first. She needs to notify as many authorities as possible ahead of time that she is not abandoning her children, she is leaving to set up a life where she can support them without the abusive husband.

She HAS to help herself first. Then the kids, then she wins.

[dontknownuthin]

A shelter for battered women (she goes with the kids) and an attorney are the two things she needs. And she may need some counseling and a doctor - the stress of such a situation can be really draining, and it can be a good idea to just get a physical, and get advice.

A doctor can also be a very good resource for finding the other resources for getting out of the relationship, as they often deal with women in abusive situations as it is a serious health issue for women.

She should not tell her husband what she is doing, and she should make sure that there's no way that her husband can remove her children from the UK.

[freshup]

Hi everybody thank you for all your answers!
I just am scared of a few things. Like I said his family is very powerful and seeing the past that she tried to commit suicide I am afraid they will be powerful enough to get the kids in court. Remember all his family is near him and she has no family there at all. How can I make sure he really doesn't get the kids cause that would totally ruin her.

Thanks

[ja77]

Hi everybody thank you for all your answers!
I just am scared of a few things. Like i said his family is very powerfull and seeing the past that she tried to commit suicide i am afraid they will be powerfull enough to get the kids in court. Remember all his family is near him and she has no family there at all. How can i make sure he really doesnt get the kids cause that would totally ruin her.

Thanks

She needs to keep a diary with everything that is happening and involve the Police is the only option as they have a duty to ensure that her and the kids are OK, she would have to press charges against him - there are stick laws in the UK about abuse in this way -

[JBeaucaire]

She needs to get out and get on her feet so THEN she can get the kids. She may have to walk away temporarily, and she needs to do so, but also with involvement/notification to as many other authorities about why she's doing it. She needs to take the teeth out of their "abandonment" claims later, but she has to get on her own feet first if she has any hope of standing and winning later.