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gettingbackup · Jan 5, 2009, 06:22 PM

I was in a relationship for a year when it all came crashing down. I went through the begging and the pleading until I was given the "do not contact me anymore!". Now I am trying to move forward with my life and have started talking with an exceptionally caring woman. I know she is filling a void left by my ex, but at the same time I really enjoy being with her. It hasn't even been a month since I was dumped. I do not wish to use this woman only to keep from being lonely, but I also do not wish to pass on what could be a much healthier relationship than my last. Playing it by ear of course but if things progress as they seem to be, how long should I wait before I start a new relationship?

JBeaucaire · Jan 5, 2009, 07:21 PM

Just date for fun. Leave the 'relationship' stuff out of it for now. You'll know you're ready for a "thought" of relationship when you

A) never stop and think about your ex anymore, not at all, and
B) look at your new dating partner as someone you want to sacrifice for

A successful relationship is about giving, not getting. Two people giving is a SCORE. Right now, you're thinking about yourself. That's clue enough where your mind is at, so backseat any relationship pangs until that stops.

expat2009 · Jan 5, 2009, 07:28 PM

If you think this woman is filling the void left by your ex then you are probably not ready. Your feelings are still with your ex and it will only hurt the both of you in the end. It might be better to wait longer until you are better healed. I don't think there is a specific timeframe for waiting either. It depends on many things. For example, suppose you keep going out with this girl for a few weeks -- what would you do if your ex came crawling back to you begging to take her back? Would you? If your answer is yes. Then I think you're not ready.

If you think this new girl is more than that and someone that actually does keep your mind off your ex and makes you feel genuinely happy then it could work. Just take it real slow and think about her feelings also. Let things flow naturally, casually --without a serious tone.

gettingbackup · Jan 5, 2009, 07:31 PM

I still have a lot of self insight to do obviously, I wouldn't want to repeat past mistakes. I do tend to ignore my own flaws upon occasion. Thank you for pointing out what I was overlooking.

NItEMArE129 · Jan 5, 2009, 07:58 PM

Don't put yourself down so easy. Overlooking your own flaws is a very common problem for people and you shouldn't hold it against yourself. Now's not the time to beat yourself down. Build yourself up instead

expat2009 · Jan 5, 2009, 09:11 PM

It's also a good time to reflect upon mistakes you made in your past relationship. Not to put yourself down or feel guilty -more as a self-examination. Things that maybe you could've done differently throughout you relationship -for yourself and for her. A good analysis will help your future relationships be more equal and fulfilling. It's about bettering yourself more than anything.