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cosmoblondie20 · Oct 13, 2008, 04:30 PM

My fiancé and I have been together for about a year and a half now and before that we were friends for about 2 years and now we are going to get married he is 21 and I am 20. We are soul mates we do everything together we're each others best friend we get along so well I love him and he loves me. Only we have a problem... we argue a lot because he never wants to have sex the intimacy is not there at all anymore it seems like when I moved in with him about a year ago it all just stopped. He'll get hard in the morning time or when he wraps his arms around me at night and I’ll try to do something about it to let him know I want to have sex or even just try to please him sometimes without intercourse and I’ll just offer oral sex and still he doesn't want to. He'll just push me away and just say no he's tired or no he just wants to cuddle something always comes up.
Over all the arguments that we've had he's gotten better about it and sometimes now he'll say yes but it gets old me always having to ask "Hey hunny want to have sex tonight when you get home?" It makes me feel less desirable like he isn't attracted to me but he swares up and down it's not me he thinks I'm gorgeous he just doesn't know what's wrong.
I wish that it could just happen naturally without me asking for it all the time. I've tried role-playing, dressing up in outfits, tying him up, offering 3 somes, brainstorming every possible idea that maybe he would want to try but he never has anything to say he just says he'll try harder and he doesn't know what’s wrong. It's been really hard not having any intimacy or making love so we went to the doctor and to my surprise the doctor said his testosterone levels were normal.
Now this baffles me I have no more ideas... he's a happy man always with a smile so he doesn't have depression. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME any ideas?:confused:

Choux · Oct 14, 2008, 11:55 AM

YOu can't get married with an elephant in bed with you two!! Guaranteed fight maker until you get divorced.

Invest in some couples therapy with a good therapist so you can get to the truth about what is motivating your sex lives.

The problem can probably be solved if each of you change.

Best wishes, :)

450donn · Oct 14, 2008, 12:55 PM

There is definitely an issue that he is not wanting to deal with or face. You need to get some professional help before marriage or else this will surely blow in your faces in the not to distant future.

missingpieces · Oct 14, 2008, 05:16 PM

I have been dealing with a similar situation AND we are the same age so maybe we can help each other!

One thing I have been trying and it has been working is don't let him see you naked! My boyfriend got used to seeing me naked all the time and it wasn't as much of a thrill to him anymore, but now he doesn't get to see me naked as much any more and he wants to again. I still only let him see me naked on my own terms though. Ill flash him real quick after a shower or only when I know we are going to have sex. Otherwise, when I change and the normal other occasions when I would be naked he doesn't get to be around or I go in the other room.

Another thing is, I believe me I know how hard this is, just cuddle with him when he wants to. Show him that you want to be close to him like that. My boyfriend told me at one point, and I didn't even realize I was doing this and it may or may not be the same for you, was that he felt like I just wanted sex and it wasn't about being with him and close to him. We started kissing more, and more intensely, and that helped as a starting point to having more passionate sex too.

Just a couple ideas.

georgiagirl35 · Jan 4, 2009, 09:16 PM

I dunno> I have the same durn problem... Seems like there aren't any explanations, except maybe or men have been invaded by aliens who are monks on their planet. Any men I have ever known before now is the one wanting sex more. This problem is sad. They work fine, and its not us. Its probably medication/another woman screwing us all up. This sucks. Over-stimulated, and underlaid in Georgia, over.

georgiagirl35 · Jan 4, 2009, 09:18 PM

P.S. A man who refuses oral sex from HIS UNDERSATISFIED WOMAN doesn't deserve his penis!

smoothy · Jan 5, 2009, 06:36 AM

You have compatibility issues... you like sex and he doesn't. You will never get past that. And you won't be happy even if you think you can.

People should NEVER mary someone who is less than a soul mate AND compatible sexually BOTH.

flwruop · Jan 5, 2009, 08:39 PM

I see all these answers and some of these people are just not paying attention. I used to take paxil and it did diminish my libido. It sounds to me like this is the problem. Depression in itself can also make a person have this problem. Maybe he should talk to his doctor about this. I have been married for 8 years and I can tell you that sex is a BIG part of your relationship! No matter what anyone says.