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joeysmami · Aug 20, 2008, 02:30 AM

Ok So Here Is The Deal... I'm Dating A Married Man We've Been Together For Awhile Now And We Want To Be With Each Other... his Wife Knows About Us And Is Doing Everything She Can Do End Our Relationship... we Are Both In The Military And I Am Facing Getting Chaptered Out Of The Army.. which I'm Not Worried About Cause I Am Still Young And Can Go To College... he Tells Me He Loves Me More Than Anything And Says All The Right Things.. he Has Already Given Her Separation Papers But She Refuses To Sign Them.. she Calls Me All The Time And Talks crap.. I Just Want To Know Should I Stay With Him Or Just Give Him Time To Finish His Divorce?

belsammael · Aug 20, 2008, 03:33 AM

This is something only you yourself can decide, though the people here can offer advice; as far as practical problems are concerned, you already mention part of the solution: if you get chaptered out of the army, you can get to college - and I assume you also already know what study you want to pick up, or not?. however will all of this have any consequences for his position in the army as well? If so, you might want to ask his stand in all of this as well.

As for the other issue, it might be best to wait until the divorce-dust settles down, and it's up to him to get that done with as soon as possible... although I doubt that divorce will be the end of it, and that she'll keep pestering you two. How big an option is it to start over again, somewhere else? Possibly get re-assigned to another base?

joeysmami · Aug 20, 2008, 07:17 AM

I See Where You Are Coming From.. and Yes I Already Know What I Want To Go To College For.. his Situation With The Army Really Won't Be Effected He Gets Out In October Anyway... as Far As Starting Over And Such.. they Won't Transfer Me To Any Other Unit Because I'm Most Likely Getting Chaptered.. I Know That I Should Most Likely Leave Him Alone And Let Everything Settle Down,but I Suppose It's Just Hard For Me.. I Have Talked To Him About The Whole Waiting Thing And He Doesn't Want To Stop Seeing Each Other.. and I Know You Might Be Thinking It's Proubly Because He Doesn't Want To Stop Having Sex But.. I Already Put A Stop To That.. he Just Says He Just Needs To Hold Me And Kiss My Forehead And He Will Be Perfectly Happy.. idk This Situation Is Just Really Complicated And I Needed To Hear What Other People Think About Everything...

liz28 · Aug 20, 2008, 07:51 AM

It's best to end it. The army is even willing to chaptered you out because no matter what he is still married and his marriage over rides your relationship with him. His wife have a right to interfere because it's her husband until they get a divorce. Focus on your life and leave this drama alone and in the future don't mess with any married man regardless of what they say to you. Also, depending on where you work, some jobs have rules about you getting romantically involve with someone you work with, especially if they're married, and you can lose your job.

joanne 1986 · Aug 20, 2008, 08:11 AM

I think it is best to end it and move on with your life,getting involved with married people is a really difficult situation.on the other hand if he did divorce his wife and you stay together how do you know he won't cheat on you! He's done it to his wife!

liz28 · Aug 20, 2008, 10:05 AM

Is getting chaptered from the army the same as a dishonestable discharge? If so, you won't be able to get any city, state, nor federal job. This whole thing can follow you around for life.

inertia · Aug 21, 2008, 10:21 AM

He loved his wife enough to marry her. Then he cheated. I wouldn't repeat her mistake.

kim_39120 · Jan 4, 2009, 05:36 PM

I know just what you are going through. Been doing it for 2 years now. You can't help who you love and if he has your heart and you want to be there then hold your head up high. I deal with it day after day. This man has been my best friend for about 10 years. His wife knows about me has for a while now.