[luckyduck12]

On Christmas Day my fiancé lost her mom from cancer. A couple days later she told me that she doesn't see our engagement going anywhere and isn't sure we have a future together. After talking about it she had a laundry list of things she was upset with me about. I did not cheat on her but some of the things I realized then and didn't really realize it before. I hurt her beyond belief in a time she probably needed me most. We talked more and she told me that she could not think of really any good moments from the last 4 years we had been dating. She was upset with me also because my work would not allow me to be there before Christmas Day and because of that I didn't get to say goodbye to her mom with her. After the weekend since we live apart while we go to school I realized I needed to change myself and the way I treat others if I am really going to treat her better. I also came to the realization I need to give her the time and space she needs. I told her I was going to give her a month or so mainly for me to get over the idea of us not being together and when I'm comfortable with that idea I will call her. I guess I need help in two places, one how do I know that I'm doing the right thing and things will be OK for us? Also when the time comes and I do call her and see if we can see each other and go on a date, how should I go about it? Any advice will be awesome. I love her to death and want her to be happy and I just don't want to say the wrong thing during this hard time for her.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone until she contacts you.

That's the best advice I can give as she needs time, and space to grieve. And there is no time limit on grief, or mourning.

If she wants you back after that, she will let YOU know, but you better get your own act together, and let her have what she needs, which is not you at this time, and may never be.

Sorry.

[chuff]

I was basically going to say what Tal said. Death makes us reevaluate our own lives, which it sounds like that's what she's doing right now. I think to blame you for not being there because of work is harsh... I actually see her side to, but at the same time I think it's a bit unfair, but you have to realize she's lashing out because of loss and that's not your fault so some of what she says you have to understand the timing. That doesn't mean your can't work on yourself, it just means don't take things to personally given they may not truly be directed at you, but reflex of the pain she's in.

Also, I think in many ways this is good for you. While she's coping with the loss, you will not be around to be associated with the hurt and you can help yourself change some of the negative things you see about yourself.