[Nevaeh26]

--Ok I think that I am more venting more then anything but please let me know what you thing! Thanks

Well about 2 months ago I talked to my fiancé of 6 years and told him that I wanted a break because I was not hapy or in love with him anymore, he got confussed, didn't see whay and just plain didn't understand. I mean in the last 2 years we have been threw so much, and I could count how many times I wanted to leave him and got half way out the door before I turned around, When we foght things got really bad and we foght a good 3-4 nights a week, (I know that's alot) So now at this point I guess I just lost respect and feeling for him, you know some things you just can't ignore or get over, somewhere in the back of your head you still sit around and think about them on rainy days! So now he is trying everything and being supper nice , going out of his way to make things easyer for me and all. He thinks that he can make me love him again, However Its not working anf I know he wants it too and so do I . I mean I really wish that I could get over the past and go back toloving him like I used to. But right now all I see him as is the guy who broke my heart and made me cry so many times that know I don't even cry over him! The guy who has gotten me so mad I wanted to kill him and leave him , but some how I never could. And the guy who I used to love as a partner and wanted to spend the rest of my life with , but now is just a guy, a guy that I live with , that I am friends with but really have no romantic feeling towards! I feel bad experessing this too him, and he gets mad but I cna't lie about it, That is how I feel and I really can't change that, I don't even completely understand it myself. All I know is that he is my friend and I feel unconfortible when he kisses me but I don't want to say anything and hurt his feelings, I know that he is trying to do what I asked him too in the beginng and try to make things work, but I think it may be too late! I feel like I want to be out on my own and do things my way and see other people, I want to feel loved but I also want to love someone else the way I used to love him! Right now we live together and our lease is not up until Aug. of 2009, Neither of us can afforade our place by ourselves so I want to stay there with him, as friends and I don't know if that is an option , I think that once I tell him forsure that I don't see me ever falling back in love with him that he will flip out and be hurt and not want to be around me, Most days I act like everything is OK and that I am happy, even though I am pretending it gets us threw the day with out arguing. Maybe I should just keep this up until my lease is over? I don't know, maybe there is no right answer? If you can make any sense of this rambling please give me your opinon! Thanks

[DJ28]

Yeah I thought I was in a bad situation, I don't know what I would do if I was living with the girl I loved. How old are you? Also are you close to any friends or family that maybe you can stay with? I honestly think that you should just move out, maybe talk to him and be honest with they way you feel, if he gets mad he gets mad. You don't need to put yourself in that situation. Funny that I'm telling you this when I'm kind of in my own situation that I can't get out of.

[ZoeMarie]

Yeah, you need to talk to him about how you feel and move out. It sounds like his efforts to make you fall in love with him are too little too late. Don't stay with him just because you are on a lease together and definitely don't just pretend everything is OK. You've been engaged for 6 years? That's a long time. Any reason why you didn't get married yet? I mean, it sounds like it's a good thing you didn't but I thought my 3 year engagement was long.

[Nevaeh26]

Thanks for your advise, I know that I should just tell him how I feel and move out but to me it just doesn't seem that simple, I don't want to hurt his feeling because I know he still loves me and I know he wants things to work, and as for moving out I feel that it would not be fair to leave him with our rent bill that we created together, I wouldn't willing put anyone in a fincally sistuation like that, and I still want us to be friends I just don't want to be romanticly involed anymore.

[Nevaeh26]

yeah, you need to talk to him about how you feel and move out. it sounds like his efforts to make you fall in love with him are too little too late. don't stay with him just because you are on a lease together and definitely don't just pretend everything is ok. you've been engaged for 6 years? that's a long time. any reason why you didn't get married yet? I mean, it sounds like it's a good thing you didn't but I thought my 3 year engagement was long.

I know we have been together since I was 13 he is the only man I have ever been with and I just was never in a rush to go to the alter. I mean if you love each other there is no diff. in just being together and being married, but at this point I am glad that we did not make it leagal. It makes it so much easyer to walk away . I just don't want to hurt him, over all he is a good guy, he is just not the guy for me anymore. And you are right when you say he did a little too late. Thanks for the advise

[DJ28]

Thanks for your advise, I know that I should just tell him how I feel and move out but to me it just dosn't seem that simple, I dont want to hurt his feeling because I know he still loves me and I know he wants things to work, and as for moving out I feel that it would not be fair to leave him with our rent bill that we created together, I wouldn't willing put anyone in a fincally sistuation like that, and I still want us to be friends I just dont want to be romanticly involed anymore.

I understand what you mean at this point, because I mean I'm kind of going through this right now... but I'm on the other side where the girl doesn't love/havefeelings for me back, for the guy t will make things a lot easier if he knows I mean if I was to find out that she didn't have feelings for me, and was just leading me on it would make me very upset. I know it might be scary to tell him but think about his feelings. Please don't lead him on, him thinking everything is OK. Its just a bigger mind trip afterwords.

[ZoeMarie]

It sounds like he is going to get hurt though, whether it's now or when the lease is up? Is there any way that you could give him money for part of it? Send him a check every month or whatever to help him out. I understand that it's not simple, but these situations aren't. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be dealt with.

[DJ28]

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that, because my ex was so honest with me that I trust her and wish that I could make things work with her. If you can't be honest with him he can't trust you. He will find out sometime, and when he does its better to find out with you being honest then sometime down the road when its way to late.

[Nevaeh26]

I understand what you mean at this point, because i mean im kinda going through this right now...but im on the other side where the girl doesnt love/havefeelings for me back, for the guy t will make things a lot easier if he knows i mean if i was to find out that she didnt have feelings for me, and was just leading me on it would make me very upset. i know it might be scary to tell him but think about his feelings. please dont lead him on, him thinking everything is ok. its just a bigger mind trip afterwords.

Thank you and it is nice to have a man point of view, I mean I don't mean to lead him on by acting like everything is OK, I guess I just don't want to deal with the situation and I mean I don't want to rock the boat so to speak. I mean is just going to get mad and threw a fit like a 5 year old and then continue to call me names beacusr he will think that the only reason for me wanting to leave or just be friends is because I want ot be with someone else and that is not the case, I mean I do want to find some else and love someelse that loves me but that is not why ! Do you get what I am say ? How can I explain that to him!

[Nevaeh26]

it sounds like he is going to get hurt though, whether it's now or when the lease is up? is there any way that you could give him money for part of it? send him a check every month or whatever to help him out. I understand that it's not simple, but these situations aren't. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be dealt with.

I understand completely what you are saying, however no that would not be possible I am a full time mother of a 3 year old, I work full time and I go to school full time, I make enough to support us but not anything over!

[ZoeMarie]

There is no easy way out. You need to talk to him and deal with the consequences. If you think he's going to fly off the handle, have a bag packed and some place to go, but for his sake, don't avoid this situation because it's easier for you. Honesty is always best and if he finds out you were stringing him along until the lease is up odds are he's going to be a lot more angry than he would be now.

[DJ28]

Thank you and it is nice to have a man point of view, i mean i dont mean to lead him on by acting like everything is ok, i guess i just dont want to deal with the situation and I mean I dont want to rock the boat so to speak. I mean is just going to get mad and threw a fit like a 5 year old and then continue to call me names beacusr he will think that the only reason for me wanting to leave or just be friends is beacuse I want ot be with someone else and that is not the case, i mean i do want to find some else and love someelse that loves me but that is not why ! Do you get what i am say ? How can I explain that to him!

I totally get what your saying, but really I feel like the best way for him to understand is for you to be honest. Its hard as a guy or anyone to find out the person they love no longer loves them. But if your honest and talk to him about everything, maybe you too can work things out in a way to pay for your apartment... if not then you really need to move out and on. But I think the first step is to talk to him and be honest. Really I feel and have more respect for my ex that she was honest with me and told me everything. Its hard when someone you love plays games and all you can do is wonder what is going on.

[marcel_ke]

Probably you should be more honest with yourself and know what you want and also know that you cannot make everybody happy.
If there is a small part in you that feels like the first time you were in love with him and he's not having seriouss problems like drinking beating cheating etc then it's worth a shot.if not then don't even think about it.
Rent is not a motiv to stay.if you decide to divide for sure he's going to hate for a while and then he will have to move on.
Even if he's the perfect guy after a while in the relationship, small and many things apear that become enoing and frustrating and grow bigger and bigger.when you think of marriage you think of compromise , love ,respect.I do believe is a long time being togheter and it makes it more difficult to judge the situation
If you look in to his eyes and don't see that sparkle anymore and your heart is close and senseless then is time to move on no matter what

[Nevaeh26]

probably you should be more honest with yourself and know what you want and also know that you cannot make everybody happy.
if there is a small part in you that feels like the first time you were in love with him and he's not having seriouss problems like drinking beating cheating etc then it's worth a shot.if not then don't even think about it.
rent is not a motiv to stay.if you decide to devide for sure he's gonna hate for a while and then he will have to move on.
even if he's the perfect guy after a while in the relationship, small and many things apear that become enoing and frustrating and grow bigger and bigger.when you think of marriage u think of compromise , love ,respect.i do believe is a long time being togheter and it makes it more difficult to judge the situation
if you look in to his eyes and don't see that sparkle anymore and your heart is close and senseless then is time to move on no matter what

Thank you for your reponce and you nailed it on the last part, I don't see that sparkle or get butterflys in mt stomack and I don't feel anything when I look into his eyes or kiss him. I think that when the respect went out the window so did the love after a while! However I don't want to hurt him or put him a bad sistuation by leaving the apartment

[ZoeMarie]

You're going to hurt him either way. This is a given. It's just a matter of when you do it and how far you let it go.

[DJ28]

you're going to hurt him either way. this is a given. it's just a matter of when you do it and how far you let it go.

I agree! And really if you tell him now and don't just lead him on, he really isn't going to be a pissed at you in the long run if you tell him now. He will look at you as a honest person he can trust.

[Nevaeh26]

i agree! and really if you tell him now and dont just lead him on, he really isnt going to be a pissed at you in the long run if you tell him now. he will look at you as a honest person he can trust.

It is not that I do not want to tell him I just don't know how to make him understand that I am not leaving in hope of finding another man or that I don't alreadyhave another man, He is ery jelouse and I want to make it clear to him that these are not my reasons, any ideas? I mean I can say that those are not the reasons all I want however it is going to go on thinking that and that will be the basses of the disscussion and it will end there , he won't let me get another word out or even listen to anything past that point. Once he thinks that, the conversation will be over and we will have gotten no where but into an argument!

[ZoeMarie]

Don't even bring those reasons up, if you do that will put the idea in his head.

[DJ28]

It is not that I do not want to tell him I just dont know how to make him understand that I am not leaving in hope of finding another man or that I dont alreadyhave another man, He is ery jelouse and I want to make it clear to him that these are not my reasons, any ideas? I mean i can say that those are not the reasons all I want however it is going to go on thinking that and that will be the basses of the disscussion and it will end there , he wont let me get another word out or even listen to anything past that point. Once he thinks that, the conversation will be over and we will have gotten no where but into an arguement!

Errr I'm sorry that how it is really, but really the best way is to be honest and to tell him that its not about that.. if he can't deal with that or trust you that there is no one in the picture that really his own fault /problem.. trust really is a big part in a relationship anyway. But really if he can't deal with it then I mean ohh well its his prblem not yours. Just tell him with all your heart that your being honest and if after that if he can't trust you then really tuff luck.

[Nevaeh26]

don't even bring those reasons up, if you do that will put the idea in his head.

I wouldn't bring those reason into the converstion I know that he will just automatical assume them, we have had this conversation before and that is how they go. I try to tell him how I feel and not lie or hind anything and then I get called the Sl*t and the Wh*re and things like that It is never what he did wrong to make me not love him and why I am leaving him because of it, it is always because I have some else or I want someone else and I just want him to undersatand that , that is not the case!