Check out some similar questions!

humingbird2009 · Jan 2, 2009, 07:02 AM

I have a question about parenting and need advice. My son (James-an adult) and his now ex-gf(a minor) dated the who time she was pregnant, he took her to all her doctors appt. etc. shortly after the birth is when they broke up, the baby is just a few months old, and she will not let him see the child. James was out bowling one night with a few of his friends when her and her new boyfriend came in. She walked over to them and started to yell, shove and slap my son's face knocking his hat to the floor, James told her that she was acting inmature so she grab him in the croch in public. My son call the state police they didn't want to get involved. My son is going in for visitations but after that I said he should go for custody because if she is willing to do that in public what will she do to your son? We live in Pa. A thoughts or comments, Please. Thanks

JudyKayTee · Jan 2, 2009, 07:22 AM

Originally Posted by humingbird2009

I have a question about parenting and need advice. My son (James-an adult) and his now ex-gf(a minor) dated the who time she was pregnant, he took her to all her doctors appt. ect. shortly after the birth is when they broke up, the baby is just a few months old, and she will not let him see the child. James was out bowling one night with a few of his friends when her and her new bf came in. She walked over to them and started to yell, shove and slap my son's face knocking his hat to the floor, James told her that she was acting inmature so she grab him in the croch in public. My son call the state police they didn't want to get involved. My son is going in for visitations but after that I said he should go for custody because if she is willing to do that in public what will she do to your son? We live in Pa. A thoughts or comments, Please. Thanks

The fact that the mother yelled and screamed in a public place and grabbed your son by the crotch does not make her an unfit mother. If he wants visitation and/or custody he has to go to Court, prove paternity, the Court will evaluate the situation and the parties and make a determination in the best interest of the child. He will, of course, be ordered to pay support.

I trust your son is supporting his child without a Court order.

I have no idea what the ages are (or were during the sexual relationship) but obviously if she was underage at the time and her family (or anyone else) decides to press charges he could have other legal problems.

If she assaulted your son the Police should have gotten involved - that is a criminal matter, not a civil matter (which the custody/visitation argument is).

J_9 · Jan 2, 2009, 07:31 AM

Let's face the facts... She is a teen mother and, thus, she is immature. Teens aren't as mature as they think they are and they are not as bulletproof as they believe they are.

humingbird2009 · Jan 2, 2009, 07:55 AM

My son is 20 she is 17. He requested the DNA and it was proven he is the father. Before DNA she allowed him to see him, now she stated he F%$@ up their sons' life for what ever she meant by that... I think because her family is on welfare and disability. They will soon go in for the child support issue which is OK with him he is a responsible person and very active in the comminity. The state police didn't want to get involved becaue he said it sounded like a domestic issue since they are do in court. When she asulted him she yelled that he wouldn't help take care of him and other stuff, let me say that he has beggd her many times to get to see his son she now refuses OR she says he can have on a certain day and reminds him every day and when that day comes she texes him saying NO you can't have him. She flat out will not work with him. My son talks to everyday to see how he is doing. In her mind she the mother and the courts always award custody to the mom's and she can do what she wants.

ScottGem · Jan 2, 2009, 08:03 AM

Your son needs to end direct contact with this girl. I know that will be hard, but he has to go through the court for everything. He has to have the court setup a visitation schedule and he needs to adhere to it. If the mother doesn't, then he will need to go back to court and ask the court to enforce the order.

As for child support, I suggest he request that he make the payments to a government agency rather than directly. This way there is no question of him not making the payments. In either case, he needs to pay by check and he needs to keep copies of his checks until the child reaches 18.

If the mother continues to attack and threaten him he needs to document that and then he may be able to get a restraining order against her or possibly get custody of the child.

This is shaping up to be a long drawn out battle and he needs to be prepared for that.

liz28 · Jan 2, 2009, 09:30 AM

Not to sound harsh but this is why people should know who they are dealing with before they hop in bed with them. I am pretty sure there was signs before hand of her being immature. Now a baby is added to mix and now he have to deal with her for the next 18 years and the road is going be bumpy and it's going be a rollercoaster ride.

The only thing your son could do is get visitations, like everyone else suggest, and support his child. Maybe as this girl ages she'll get more mature so it could eliminate the drama and she'll understand the important role that the father play in a child life and be happy that he wants to be a father to his son because some guys don't. Also, above anything she's only hurting the child.

I wish your son the best.

JudyKayTee · Jan 2, 2009, 09:54 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

Not to sound harsh but this is why people should know who they are dealing with befor they hop in bed with them. I am pretty sure there was signs before hand of her being immature. Now a baby is added to mix and now he have to deal with her for the next 18 years and the road is going be bumpy and it's going be a rollercoaster ride.

The only thing your son could do is get visitations, like everyone else suggest, and support his child. Maybe as this girl ages she'll get more mature so it could eliminate the drama and she'll understand the important role that the father play in a child life and be happy that he wants to be a father to his son because some guys don't. Also, above anything she's only hurting the child.

I wish your son the best.

Well said - and it's posted a thousand times, usually on the legal boards. No problem when the relationship is good. No problem that she "may" have been underage and he was an adult. No problem with the age difference. Now it isn't working out, there's a baby in the mix, and she's immature and her family is on welfare and disability and she's crazy.

And from her side I'm sure he drinks too much and is abusive, possibly into drugs.

I see no indication that he is paying support - he seems to be waiting for the Court to order it. Also there was no mention that this is already in Court when the thread began - and that changes things considerably, including explaining why the Police didn't get involved.

Another subject but maybe schools, churches, parents should preach less about abstinence and more about protection or a mix of both. I read in yesterday's paper that teens who take the abstinence pledge and then have sex are 40% more likely to get pregnant because they either haven't discussed protection or don't have it available to them.

Clunk! Falling off my soapbox!

humingbird2009 · Jan 2, 2009, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Well said - and it's posted a thousand times, usually on the legal boards. No problem when the relationship is good. No problem that she "may" have been underage and he was an adult. No problem with the age difference. Now it isn't working out, there's a baby in the mix, and she's immature and her family is on welfare and disability and she's crazy.

And from her side I'm sure he drinks too much and is abusive, possibly into drugs.

I see no indication that he is paying support - he seems to be waiting for the Court to order it. Also there was no mention that this is already in Court when the thread began - and that changes things considerably, including explaining why the Police didn't get involved.

Another subject but maybe schools, churches, parents should preach less about abstinence and more about protection or a mix of both. I read in yesterday's paper that teens who take the abstinence pledge and then have sex are 40% more likely to get pregnant because they either haven't discussed protection or don't have it available to them.

Clunk! Falling off my soapbox!

I will let you know that I contested their relation ship from the start, however teenager do what they want, her parents allowed her to run around and she was with several men that my son didn't know about until later. I figure it's his relationship and I can not pick his girlfriend or sposes, so I didn't butt in. As far as him being on drugs or a drinker I will have you know he is a fire fighter, blood donorso so NO there is no durgs or alcohol involed.
This girl I think planned the whole thing she told my son she was on the pill and then I spoke to her mother and she said no, not sure who was telling the lie.
My son did requested DNA and he was the first one to proceed with the court orders for visitation. Visitation arrangements take 3 parts, first with the mediator who requested 50/50 custody and her and her mother refused and walked out of the court within 1/2 without seting any visitations up. So now to the next step Child Psychologist. This girl did give my son visitations in writing and when the first weekend can her parents tried to have him arrested for trestpassing and kidnapping which he was never charge because of the paper she wrote, however they told him to seek legal help. They just plan want him out of the picture so he would pay child support and collect more welfare... her family members have a history of doing this we later found out.

JudyKayTee · Jan 2, 2009, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by humingbird2009

I will let you know that I contested their relation ship from the start, however teenager do what they want, her parents allowed her to run around and she was with several men that my son didn't know about til later. I figure it's his relationship and I can not pick his gf or sposes, so I didn't butt in. As far as him being on drugs or a drinker I will have you know he is a fire fighter, blood donorso so NO there is no durgs or alchol involed.
This girl I think planned the whole thing she told my son she was on the pill and then I spoke to her mother and she said no, not sure who was telling the lie.
My son did requested DNA and he was the first one to proceed with the court orders for visitation. Visitation arrangements take 3 parts, first with the mediator who requested 50/50 custody and her and her mother refused and walked out of the court within 1/2 without seting any visitations up. So now to the next step Child Psychologist. This girl did give my son visitations in writing and when the first weekend can her parents tryed to have him arrested for trestpassing and kidnapping which he was never charge becasue of the paper she wrote, however they told him to seek legal help. They just plan want him out of the picture so he would pay child support and collect more welfare...her family members have a history of doing this we later found out.

What age was she when the relationship/affair started? Even if she had been on the pill your son should have been smart enough to use a condom to protect himself from disease.

This is a mistake in judgment that he is going to be paying for for the next 18 years - give or take.

And I never said he was on drugs or alcohol - what I said is that is the accusation which the female usually makes.

Why if he has himself and his life together was he involved, as an adult, with a child? I never understand that part - ? Her, I can see. He was an older man. Him? I have no idea.

ScottGem · Jan 2, 2009, 02:03 PM

Ok, so he is going thorugh the process of getting custody and/or visitation. He needs to continue that process and make sure he shows up for each hearing and appears willing to live up to his responsibilities. The courts are not easily fooled and hopefully they will see that he is stepping up while she is playing games.

At some point the process will reach its conclusion and be paying support and spending time with his child.

I suggest you reread my initial response (#5). He really should have an attorney to help him plan his strategy and deal with the court issues. But he really needs to work as much through the courts and less directly.

artlady · Jan 2, 2009, 02:36 PM

If they are being supported by the state his child support will be paid to the state.If he does not pay child support he could lose his license and they can and will garnish his wages. including his income tax if he is in arrears. I understand he is willing to pay and do the right thing and he needs to do this only through the system.

If the court orders visitation and she does not comply she will be in contempt of court. Info below.
Contempt of Court

Being immature is not a legal reason to lose custody. The court will look at all the circumstances of the child s life and make a determination from those findings.

He needs to maintain no contact and if she contacts him he should keep a record of it ,save emails or text messages and the like.

He really needs a lawyer. That is his best bet.

humingbird2009 · Jan 3, 2009, 06:46 AM

My son is due in Domistic Relations to figure out child support. Since his ex-gf (17 yrs old) has no job, still in high school and living with her parents. Will they have to use her parents income when figuring child support? I'm guessing since they told my son they will claim the child on their taxes they should use their income. My son has the baby on his insurance, the ex-gf has the access card (medical insurance) and she told my son that her step dad also put the baby on his insurance, but when she filled for child support she told the intake person that she only had the medical card. What can be done knowing she lied, & can she get into trouble?

ScottGem · Jan 3, 2009, 07:18 AM

What proof do you have that she lied?

I'm not sure if their income has a bearing. The child support will be figured as a percentage of your son's income.

humingbird2009 · Jan 3, 2009, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

What proof do you have that she lied?

I'm not sure if their income has a bearing. The child support will be figured as a percentage of your son's income.

We know she lied because of the paper from domestics stated all she listed was the medical card and that was in writing with her signature and her mothers of course.

If they don't use her parents income then how can they claim still claim the child, it sounds like a win win situation on their part. They get the child support and the tax money go figure!

ScottGem · Jan 3, 2009, 07:56 AM

You may know she lied but where is your proof? What do you have to prove that the statement she made on the paper from domestics was not accurate? I know what she told your son, but that's not enough, you would need to find out the step dad's insurance carrier and plan number and get a statement from them that the baby is covered.

Child support is less about need then it is about the non custodial parent supporting their child. Claiming a child as a dependent on their tax return is subject to the rule of whether they provided more than half the child's support. If they do, they get to claim him.

humingbird2009 · Jan 3, 2009, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

You may know she lied but where is your proof? What do you have to prove that the statement she made on the paper from domestics was not accurate? I know what she told your son, but that's not enough, you would need to find out the step dad's insurance carrier and plan number and get a statement from them that the baby is covered.

Child support is less about need then it is about the non custodial parent supporting their child. Claiming a child as a dependent on their tax return is subject to the rule of whether they provided more than half the child's support. If they do, they get to claim him.

I know my son has insurance on his child and she knows that . As far as her step dad having insurance we don't know this for sure other then what she sent in a text to my son stating that fact, which is also one of her many claims as to why at the last min. she changed the child's last name to hers on the because at the hospital. Like that would matter what last name the child had.

ScottGem · Jan 3, 2009, 08:50 AM

That's my point. Yes she is telling conflicting stories, but you don't KNOW what's the truth. She may have lied to you and told the truth on the paperwork. So you can't accuse her of lying unless you have proof.

cdad · Jan 4, 2009, 03:04 PM

Did he save the text message and anything else that she has sent to him ?

humingbird2009 · Jan 4, 2009, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Did he save the text message and anything else that she has sent to him ?

Yes he has the tex messages that she sent. He is due in domestic's this tue.

Fr_Chuck · Jan 4, 2009, 07:39 PM

The parents income will have nothing to do with the child support most likely,

The fact they are supporting the child, gives them the right to claim on taxes, until there is a child cusotdy agreement that may allow your son a every other right to claim the child.

In many states the income of the mother has almost no effect on child support, it is merely a percentage of the non custody parent ( your son in this case)

Your attorney may show or ask for a household income to review, but in most cases, their income is not the issue, it is how much the son should be paying for his own child