Check out some similar questions!

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 01:14 AM

Me and my girlfriend were together for 7 months and she broke up with me saying that she felt my world revolved around her. This is true cause I stopped doing a lot of things I loved cause she didn't much care for it and started doing things she only loved to do so she felt like she didn't want me to be just like her. She said she started dating me cause I had a life and had interests and now she felt I had become a male copy of her. She wants me to be the guy she started to date in the beginning. She's 18 and I'm 24 and we are already best friends. I tell her everything and vice versa.
So when she asked for the break up I was really hurt. But agreed with it. And we are already still talking and hanging out as friends. I did of course reduced the amount of phone conversations from like 5 or so a day down to like a phone call a day. Cause I want her to feel like I have started sorting myself and focusing on my work, which I have started doing... I don't talk about the relationship with her either.
She told her friend that she would definitely take me back if I continued being focused like this. The thing that bothers me is just after we broke up I asked her if and when we were going to get back together... and she said she doesn't know how long she will need... anyway this was about a month ago...
We have been apart for a month now. She has been really put off by my behaviour when I got drunk two times during this month cause her dad is an alcoholic and so was her ex. She told she wants to be with someone emotionally stronger than her. Anyway I promised her I wouldn't get drunk anymore and things have been going great.. we talk a lot and have a lot of fun... and I asked her if she would be interested in casually dating again... but she told me she's not ready yet... she needs more time... so what can I possibly do to improve my chances with her and get her back with me?

J_9 · Jan 2, 2009, 01:34 AM

Originally Posted by greystoke

she told me shes not ready yet...she needs more time...so wat can i possibly do to improve my chances with her and get her back with me?

You do EXACTLY what she asked of you... give her more time. For all intents and purposes you aren't broken up, you still talk to one another daily.

rockerchick_682 · Jan 2, 2009, 01:35 AM

I think that if you have to change yourself to be with someone, then they aren't worth being with. Going off the fact that she wanted to go out with you in the first place not because of who you are but because of what you do shows that she's not worth it.

Forget this girl and focus on you.

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 01:39 AM

As much as rockerchick and I have been disagreeing lately I have to agree with her. If you change and stop doing things you enjoy just impress a girl, then are you truly happy?

TO ME being truly happy is knowing I can do the same things I did before and know my fiancé doesn't care. She loves me regardless! I didn't have to change for her!

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 01:48 AM

Hey j_9. Thanks for the quick reply. She also told me a relationship should start naturally and go form being best friends with each other and then evolve. Anyway all this is fine, but she still occasionally says stuff like I can't promise you ill be with you, you have to treat it like a break up. Do u think I should avoid talking about the past with her... cause she occasionally brings its up... should I refuse to talk about it and treat this as a brand new relationship? She sometimes gets physical with me, like light pecks on the shoulder. Sleeping with her head on on my lap, stuff she doesn't do with her other friends. Do you think I should stop her from doing that?

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 01:50 AM

Maybe you should gear this question toward a relationship expert for better advice!

SORRY!

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 01:51 AM

Sorry I'm new to this... could someone answer this please?

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 01:54 AM

All I am saying is you shouldn't have to change the way you are. This girl is making you change so much and pretty soon you're going to look back at who you were and miss it.

My opinion is you shouldn't change who you truly are to impress another individual!

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 01:59 AM

Thanks ITstudent. I understand what your saying... and she herself said trying to change me was a big mistake... and now she just wants me to be the guy I used to be when we started dating... to have my own interests, to be my own man, and yet have a ton of fun when we are together... which is how it is right now... but what confuses me is she will say this... but then she will say she can't make any promises... its like I'm prety much back to normal... but maybe she just needs time...

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 02:00 AM

You are in the position of NO POWER, since you are waiting on her, continue being self-fulfilled and focused and give it time!

p.s. I am 21 years old and engaged so I feel weird trying to give you advice!

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 02:01 AM

I'm 22 and she's 18

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 02:05 AM

22 or 24??

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 02:07 AM

22

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 02:09 AM

Wow... ur engaged... must be awesome :)

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 02:11 AM

It is. I didn't have to change to be happy and she likes me for me and my habits and hobbies.

You'll figure this out like I said before you're in a position where you have NO control. Continue focusing on work.school and being yourslef and if she truly likes you for you, she'll be back!

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 02:15 AM

Thanks ITStudent. :) another question I have is how much space do you give your finace? Like how often do you call? Or do you guys take a lot of time apart? I feel that me and my ex spent waaay too much time together.

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 02:18 AM

We live together. When she's gone on a trip I call her, when she's out with her friends for the night I don't (it's her time)

We see each other everyday we live together and it'swonderful, of course there'sbeen hard times but you have to communicate. Communication is key in a successful relationship, ask her what SHE wants and give it to her (literally) with an exception of changing your character

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 02:22 AM

I guess to a large extent we were suffocating each other... cause we called each other a lot and hardly spent time with other people up until now... even when we went out as a group... we would go off and do our own thing... we hardly gave each other any space... its like I try to do my own thing... but it still feels like I'm in a relationship with her... the most annoying thing being that I don't know where this is going.. I wish she would just say.. lets just go a break... I don't understand why she needs a break up... any ideas?

ITstudent2006 · Jan 2, 2009, 02:28 AM

When I first dated my fience she boke it off for a week saying she fealt she was too young to be committed to one guy (she said this when she realized she loved me and it scared her knowing I was the last guy she'll be with)
This may or maynot be what's happening but what you need to do is give it time and give her decent space. Act like friends but don't be scared to let her know you'll wait for her, and that you'll always be there but on the same coin continue your life as normal as possible

greystoke · Jan 2, 2009, 02:32 AM

Yeah, it feels like that's the situation... it feels like she doesn't want to commit until she feels I'm fully back to the guy I used to be... heres another thing... a few people have asked me out since we've broken up.. but I've turned them all down... is this bad in her eyes... cause she asks why I don't even consider them or check to see if they are nice people... I just don't care about any other girl but her right now... do you think that would give her more power?