[kswo35]

Hi,

I am a step-parent going for the adoption of my step child after a year of abandonment (which is double the statutory requirement in VA, where we are). The estranged parent predictably resumed trying to have contact with the child (all visitation rights are gone, this is by phone) after the initial hearing to which he came. This is the first we'd seen or heard of him in a year.

The child's therapist, as well as our own common sense, tells us not to allow the phone conversations to happen as they would lead to more broken promises and dashed hopes for the child as well as letting her be used as a pawn. Parent is diagnosed borderline, by the way.

I would just like some reassurance that judges do see this sort of reassumption of contact once court proceedings have began quite often, and do not see them as genuine attempts to re-establish a relationship so much as attempts to look good in court. I hope that someone can give us that reassurance.

Thanks.

[JudyKayTee]

Hi,

I am a step-parent going for the adoption of my step child after a year of abandonment (which is double the statutory requirement in VA, where we are). The estranged parent predictably resumed trying to have contact with the child (all visitation rights are gone, this is by phone) after the initial hearing to which he came. This is the first we'd seen or heard of him in a year.

The child's therapist, as well as our own common sense, tells us not to allow the phone conversations to happen as they would lead to more broken promises and dashed hopes for the child as well as letting her be used as a pawn. Parent is diagnosed borderline, by the way.

I would just like some reassurance that judges do see this sort of reassumption of contact once court proceedings have began quite often, and do not see them as genuine attempts to re-establish a relationship so much as attempts to look good in court. I hope that someone can give us that reassurance.

Thanks.

Can't help you - but I'm in NY. Here the Courts are extremely reluctant to sever the relationship between parent and child and lean heavily toward the birth parent.

I believe these attempts would be seen as honest attempts to reconnect, unless there is some history of the same or similar behavior (contacting and then ceasing contact) in the past.

Is the child's therapist Court-ordered which gives his/her opinion and advice more weight in the Court proceeding?

Am I correct that the parent's rights have been terminated by Court Order? And he is borderline - what?

[ScottGem]

Sorry, no one can predict what a judge will do. We can tell that courts are very reluctant to grant any termination of rights, especially involuntary.

How old is the child?

My best guess (and it is a guess) is that the court will give him one more chance to step up and be a father. If he fails this time they will grant the adoption.

[kswo35]

Thank you both.

We do have a 5 year history of the estranged parent being given chances and failing. As well as 2 protective orders for endangering the child. A psych evaluation and transcripts in which he has repeatedly promised to do better. He has had many many chances.

The therapist has been seeing the child for 4 years, through all periods of contact and no contact.

And borderline personality disorder. Tending towards Antisocial. The less p.c. name for that is sociopathy. This was a court ordered psych eval.

We are afraid of the "one more chance" gig. We've been through that several times, and unfortunately the child is dragged along for the ride and dropped like a hot potato once court orders have been signed.

Like I said, luckily we do have a long history of broken promises on record.

[ScottGem]

Well that certainly does change things a bit. Again, I can't predict what a judge will do, but I think the odds are more in your favor with this additional info. I think you really need the therapists to be adamant about the best interests of the child.

[kswo35]

Thanks, Scott. There is more. The visits before this were supervised, for instance, before terminated by court order. I was just hoping that a judge would be able to look at a year of no contact, no support, no Xmas calls, no birthday cards, and realize at least that this sudden interest in one's child could possibly be strategical, and too late. The therapist is adamant that it is in the best interests of the child, and in our case we are going a step further and saying that it would be harmful not to allow the adoption.

[JudyKayTee]

Thanks, Scott. There is more. The visits before this were supervised, for instance, before terminated by court order. I was just hoping that a judge would be able to look at a year of no contact, no support, no Xmas calls, no birthday cards, and realize at least that this sudden interest in one's child could possibly be strategical, and too late. The therapist is adamant that it is in the best interests of the child, and in our case we are going a step further and saying that it would be harmful not to allow the adoption.

Then you look golden from here. Has anyone suggested a protective order as part of the package - just in the event the father becomes upset?