[blueberriejam]

I'm an 18 year old female and I am a virgin.
I know I am still 'young' but I consider myself a pretty mature for my age.

I have never had a proper relationship with a guy and have trust issue with men.
I'm also afraid of sex.

it is a very intimate thing for me, including simple things such as kissing. All of my friends have had sex already and that doesn't bother me. I haven't had sex because I haven't found someone I trust and feel comfortable enough to do it with.
I don't like going out and kissing randoms. I feel nothing when I do it, because there is no connection for me and I need that to make it feel good.

throughout my childhood my father beat my mother up. It was traumatising. I am the youngest of three daughters and both my sisters have serious partners now and have had no problem with sex. At least as far as I know.
I have a trust issue with men and I think it has something to do with my father?
he doesn't live with us anymore. I still speak to him and see him once or twice a year but it feels like more of a burden to us. He is a burden to our family but we can't get away from him because he is an overbearing pigheaded euorpean stuck in his ways. Whatever he says goes.
as he is getting older he is getting less dominatiing? (for want of a better word)

when I meet guys, as soon as I feel like there is any sign of sexual inuendo in our conversation or the look in his eyes that makes me know he wants to have sex with me it puts me off.

I am still a very flirtatious person, I like flirting with men and am very friendly. But it also bothers me because they automatically think I'm going to have sex with them and I don't want to lead them on.

I know I'm only 18 and have my whole life a head of me to meet guys but I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone worthy or anyone that will wait for me.

also when I'm in company of men sometimes I start to shake and get really nervous. Even some of my male friends who I feel extremely comfortable with.

I don't know how to get over this and I just need some advice or if anyone feels the same?

its starting to really effect my life and I'm sick of it.

any replies will help. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[smoothy]

It might be a good idea to start counseling. THe sooner you start the sooner you will get results. A dose of scepticism in life is healthy, but too much is pure paranoia.

Wishing to remain a virgin until you find the right guy or marry is perfectly normal and healthy given STD's and pregnancy issues.

[chrissymarie]

Try remembering that not everyman is out there waiting for you to slip up or fall for them so they can take your virginity. I know its hard because of your father but you have to.

Because you are young all the guys you talk to your age are horny. Extremely horny and they all want sex.

You need to focus on learning to separate the guys who want sex and a relationship with you from the guys who want sex and only sex.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, while a lot of guys are thinking about sex, you have to get used to that, most will wait and take no as a answer.

If you look for a bear behind every tree, you will start seeing them even if they are not there.

Counseling sounds like a good place to start

[Choux]

Get into therapy with a male therapist. The healing will come if you can form a healthy relationship with the therapist over a period of months, and if you can accept the words of wisdom that you get so you can change and grow.

Life is lived in the present... you will learn to let go of the past as the past cannot be changed, nor can parents be changed.

Best wishes.

PS Try to stop playacting being someone you are not... this leads you into confusion. :)

[KISS]

Counseling seems like the best option because otherwise yo may be seeing all males as like your father. It is going to be a hard battle to remove this.

Sex is about trust. So, in your mind you can't trust males, so you won't have sex.

[talaniman]

Counseling is your best option to deal with those trust issues, otherwise you are so normal, and applaud you loving yourself enough not to fall for the BS, of the horny guys your age.