[lost??]

OK I already talked to wildcat a little bit about this but there's been new developments. I've been seeing this girl for a while now and we made it official a little over a month ago. We hooked up right after her and her ex of two years broke up. So we've been together for a while now and she tells me she loves me and I slipped up a couple times and told her too ( I do and I felt bad not saying it back, and she tells me she don't think I really care about her cause I had been playing the hard to get guy not telling her how I felt or showing feelings back).

Anyway she goes to school about 10 minutes away from where I live. There's this other guy who goes to school with her and they used to hook up (drunk hookups) but she stopped seeing him when her and her ex got back together (then I came along).

Anyway now she says she's confused about what she wants to do with me and the guy she had the drunk hook ups with (I knew about him but didn't even see him as a threat until now). She says he sends her messages all the time telling her that he loves her and jokes around about getting married someday blah blah whatever. She used to not care at all when we were together in front of him I guess she misses him over the summer or whatever cause they were good friends. She said she loves me and wants to stay with me but she's confused about the other guy because she doesn't want to lose him or whatever. I told her to do what she felt she had to and to go with her gut feeling, basically do whatever the hell she wants. I told her that I want to stay together but that all this is unfair to me. I said if you don't want to be with me or are sick of me or don't have feelings for me then just end it right now, but not just because some other guy loves her, she has no control over that and its not her fault. I kind of want to see it through the summer to see what happens but do you think this is a good idea? Any thoughts? Think this other guy is just a test? And if so what do I do about it?

And for those of you who know me from before, don't worry I'm nothing like I was over my last ex... made that mistake once not doing it again. It would suck but id be OK with it. Thanks!!

[YeloDasy]

She sounds confused... if she knew she wanted you and only you, why is she telling you all this stuff? And why do you want to date someone who is confused as to who she should be with... she loves you just after a month of getting serious (which tells me it is pretty intense) but then she is confused about some other guy? Hhmmm... do you really want this drama in your life?

[Skell]

Let her go. She is playing you and will probably cheat on you if she hasn't already.
She isn't worth it. You are most likely just a rebound relationship anyway to her.
That may sound harsh but I sadly think it is the truth.
You say she has just broken up with her ex but also says she loves you. She can't love you after 1 moonth. Not even after 3 months. She doesn't even know you and you don't even know her!
Plus she has this other guy. It seems as though she just hops from guy to guy as she pleases.
Sorry if that is unfair but I can only go off what you have said in your post.
Just be honest with her and yourself. I think if your honest with yourself you realise that just right now this girl isn't the right one.
Maybe down the track if she sorts out what she wants but right now she is just leading at least 2 of you on and probably her ex too!
Good luck and keep us posted.

[Krs]

You said - she said she loves me and wants to stay with me but shes confused about the other guy because she doesnt wanna lose him or whatever.

Now that above sentence says a lot to me!!

If just if she really loves you why in the world would she even care about the other guy! She doesn't know what she wants in life and might hurt you at the end of it. So just be careful! I take from me, I love my man so much why would I worry about another guy! And vice-versa. What she says doesn't make sense and is on the contrary to love.

Read Skell's advice - I think its spot on!

[Cassie]

Be really careful, if she is thinking of and missing a guy that was a "drunk hookup" , that doesn't sound so good to me. Tell her you love her but you are not all about hanging onto someone that is so unsettled. Tell her she needs to take some time to sort out her feelings, and you are going to back off and give her time to do that. Only do that if you can live with her saying OK. She is probably playing you and when she sees you are going to leave her, it may shock her. It could save you from getting hurt later. Good Luck.

[valinors_sorrow]

I almost get the impression that some people think acquiring a boyfriend/girlfriend is a bit like going to the county fair, scanning the midway for just the right game, picking out their potental prize on the shelf, plunking down their ticket and throwing the ball over and over enough to hopefully, finally win, screaming to their friends "Lookee what I just won!!!". And if they lose, well hey, you can always go buy more tickets to continue playing, can't you? I mean, look at all them prizes on the shelf-- I bet one of them has my name on it somewhere!

Its sad really. People are not possessions to collect and trade to make us feel good.

[lost??]

Thanks for all the advice... most of you guys are saying the same thing and I think you are all right. If she did love me, why would she be worried about this other guy? And the more I think about it, I really don't think I love her either I just said it because she did. Don't get me wrong, she's an amazing person... beatuiful, smart, funny, fun to be around. And you talk about her cheating on me... the fact is she cheated on her ex with that other guy at school. She's actually tried to break it off with me before and I would just be like alrite fine and shed always come back. I really don't think I can trust her... it's a shame cause we work good together but I think she was kind of a rebound relationship for me too. I'm just going to see how things go this weekend and take it from there.

"when she sees you are going to leave her, it may shock her" that is defiently true, I think that's why she came back before and no I do not want this drama in my life. It be different if this guy loved her but she didn't worry about it but the fact that she does tells me that she's not worth it. I'm going to try to make it last through the summer but if not, oh well stuff happens. Thanks guys ill keep you posted

[Krs]

Once a cheat always a cheater... remember that!

You're welcome and good luck..

[Wildcat21]

Dude - I agree with what everyone - said - and you and I have talked about this a lot - she is really palying with your head... I don't think it's worth the heartache at all. You're a great guy and she is playing with you.

If she cheated on you for get - for get her forever. She WILL cheat on again and when your married. Believe me - cheaters have this gene in them where they justify cheating. NEVER known a cheater to stop cheating - ever.

Lost - this woman is playing mind games with you.

"if she did love me, why would she be worried about this other guy??" She's also trying to see if you are jealous... this is REALLY bad - it's games - she needs to GROW UP - tell her to grow up and quit mentioning other guys.

Have a little more SPINE about this - and quit treating this game player so nice.

If you don't have trust - DISAPPEAR. You need the trust and that's why you feel this way. Believe me.

TELL HER under no certain circumstances you are sick of all the drama.
I think you ned to ask her POINT blank - have you cheated on me?

[talaniman]

Lost-You ain't going to like this, but for you to even be in a relationship with a confused self serving nutcase does not represent you very well at all. If you like insane drama, okay no problem. But for a healthy honest relationship you need a healthy honest woman. She ain't it!!

[s_cianci]

Give her some space and back off for a while. You seem to have a healthy attitude about the situation so stay with it. Make her decide one way or another and let her know that until she makes up her mind you won't be available. If she balks at making a decision at all then inform her that a non-decision will be regarded as a desire on her part to end it and you'll proceed accordingly.

[Wildcat21]

Tal is exactly right on the drama - you don't want this - believe me.

Been - there - done that.

[lost??]

Sorry I didn't get a chance to update earlier, I was busy with work... but this weekend seemed to be pretty good. She didn't bring up that other guy and kept talking about our future. I don't know if she was just messed up because of what that guy was saying to her, if she really has feelings for him or if she's just a total nut job. Thanks s ciani I think I do have a healthy attitude towards the situation. I'm just going to go with it, see what happens. I've already pulled back a lot and she seems to be coming after me. But no, tal and wildcat you're right, I don't want the drama. I'm in my last year of college and I don't need anything to mess me up now. One hint of drama like there was before and I'll just tell her that she really needs to make up her mind. If she says she needs time to figure out what she wants ill tell her to take her time but I'm not waiting for her. If I've learned anything from my last relationship its not to put up with bull like this. If she can't make up her mind I'll be the bigger person and just walk away. Thanks everyone ill keep you posted.


... and I'm still trying to stay away from saying the "L" word but she says to it me all the time haha I need to think of better things to say back

[Wildcat21]

How long have you known her? I am just wondering if she is saying that too soon? That can say a lot oas well.

[lost??]

We met back in February through a mutual friend. We had been seeing each other since then (not exclusively) but like I said made it official a little more than a month ago

[Cassie]

You do sound as though you have a good mental attitude and know she is having some issues. Your last year of college is important and you are at the mature age of not wanting game playing and drama in your life. If she understands that she may quit trying to play you. You are making good decisions.

[Wildcat21]

Well, she shouldn't be bring up other guys. Under no cirtain circumstances should she even be leading this other joker on - IF she brings him up again - tell her to tell him to get lost!! Have a spine - and by chance, as you said, And I agree 1000%, always be willing to walk away - have her show her cards.

Plus - YUCK! There not even together and he tells her he's in love with her? Would Carry Grant do that? Steve McQueen? - I wouldn't worry about him - but I WOUL tell her to tell him to get lost once and for all, that YOU don't deseve that.

[Wildcat21]

Tel lher to QUIT leading him on!! That's jaded - he keeps contacting because she lets him.

[Wildcat21]

And Dude - we've talked about this before - have spine - if she loves you, no need to walk on egg shells... tell her how you feel about this. Get past this - quit holding on to it - tell her it's pushing you away, which I feel it is.

[K_3]

Next time she brings him up and being confused. Just tell her she sounds as though she is just too confused to commit to either of you and you have given it a lot of thought and the best thing is for all involved is to stop seeing each other. No asking her to make a decision or telling her you are not waiting. Do not give her an option. She should see you are not playing anymore and she will be either make a decision or keep being a flake, and maybe that is just what she is. Don't you be wishy washy, that gives her too much leverage.

Just my thoughts. I am certainly no expert:)