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IDblueyes · Dec 28, 2008, 11:27 AM

I am new to the dating scene after a 35 yr marriage that ended in divorce. I recently met a fine fellow who has been divorced for 6 yrs and of whom I admire many of his fine qualities and we share a number of commonalities and, he has a great deal of respect for me. He recently left to go to AZ to spend the winter. I don't want to be "controlling" in this situation and want him to continue to have "the thrill of the chase." However, what time factor do I put in the equation as far as receiving any communication from him to indicate that he's still interested? I have not emailed or called him since he left a week ago, so by not communicating with him, would he think perhaps that I wasn't interested any more? I'm in a quandry as to what I should do -- be hopeful in this matter or move on. Thanks for your advice.

sully123 · Dec 28, 2008, 12:00 PM

Did he say he would call you, when he got to Arizona? Were you dating him for awhile, or is it brand new the relationship. I am sure if he is interested he will contact you someway, somehow..

IDblueyes · Dec 28, 2008, 12:19 PM

This is a new relationship and yes, he did say that he would call when he got to AZ. Now, the other side of the coin that complicates things is the fact that I have good friends that live in the area where he is "snowbirding," and naturally, I would like to see him. How does one carefully approach this subject without being "controlling" or being "needy."?

sully123 · Dec 28, 2008, 12:28 PM

I honestly think I would just lay low right now, and let him contact you. I understand you have friends in that area, but I just wouldn't push the issue. It's been a week now and he hasn't contacted you. But honestly, that is a man, they don't put a time on anything. I think if you contact him first, he won't get a chance to miss you. This is a new relationship, and men like the challenge. As hard as it is, don't pick up the phone or text him. Let him make the move.

talaniman · Dec 29, 2008, 12:26 AM

How new is this relationship? If its only months, or weeks, I hope its not exclusive, and you have other things in your life you enjoy, and plenty of friends, and activities to keep you busy.

Leave him alone, and live your own life, and be open to other opportunities to date, and socialize. Whether he calls, or not, is not the issue, but what you do till then is.

Way to soon to worry about what another is doing. Trust me he isn't the only guy out there, who you have a lot in common with, nor can have fun with.

Don't invest a lot into his stock, until you know what the returns are on the investment.

frangipanis · Dec 29, 2008, 03:01 AM

As difficult as it is for a lot of women to do, wait for him to contact you. Men like to mull things over on their own and in their own time, especially when contemplating a relationship. We can easily get in their way, leaving them frustrated and less likely to want to be with us. If the waiting becomes too unbearable and your needs are neglected for too long, then it's up to you whether you stay or move on. That's the risk we all take in relationships.

In a relationship where feelings are mutual, there's a sensitivity about timing to protect and claim what you have.