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kctiger · Dec 24, 2008, 10:26 AM

Her choosing someone else has nothing to do with this, in my opinion. The underlying factor here is how deep a wound it has cut in Cowboy... clearly her comments stirred up emotions that wouldn't have otherwise been stirred up. Perhaps, though, as you say, maybe this was the icing on the cake. Not only did she choose another guy, but she also said some extremely hurtful comments regarding his character... either way, she had to have been hurting to do that (I would hope she isn't normally that mean).

talaniman · Dec 24, 2008, 10:30 AM

Consider the source, angry female, intent on doing damage, and disregard!

Not worth the time to dwell on it, and that was her intentions, to put something on your head, to disrupt your peace of mind.

Looks like she accomplished her mission.

cowboyjai · Dec 27, 2008, 03:44 AM

I really miss her. I don't know what exactly is bringing all this to the surface right now. She was my best friend for 3 years. That's what hurts the most - the fact she's gone entirely. If that thought sinks in (and it has been for the past few days) it is massive and I can barely handle it.

It's been 5 months now and except for two times that was all spent NC. I've done crazy things, why does it keep coming back.

talaniman · Dec 27, 2008, 07:03 AM

You need more time, and more NC.

a la king · Dec 27, 2008, 07:55 PM

I can totally relate. I think that's why instant no contact is also important. Because each you you say "one last thing" it opens the chance up for something to be said that totally s with your head for months and months on end. I did the same thing a few months ago when my ex contacted me.

Ash123 · Dec 28, 2008, 08:22 PM

All my ex's live in Texas, that's why I live in Tennessee.

Detox my man... don't have contact for 4 months at least.

Then you'll see her more clearly: as the impulsive, rude girl she is, that you found sexy once because she was unattainable. But, as you cool down, are blessed its someone ELSE'S headache my man.

magikman · Dec 28, 2008, 09:01 PM

Ash makes a really good point! Once you detox (from NC, none other) you get to really decompress and see the person for who they really are... sometimes it's a sobering realization (or makes you WANT to be not-sober).

I once had an ex (after a 5 year relationship) make absolutely disgraceful, disparaging remarks to me. Like you, they lingered for a long time inside my head and I allowed them to bring me down. After 6 months of NC, I heard from her again and I chuckled, as I fully realized what kind of person she REALLY was...

I know it's tough man, but keep on trucking and move on with life. Good luck.

Ash123 · Dec 28, 2008, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by magikman

After 6 months of NC, I heard from her again and I chuckled, as I fully realized what kind of person she REALLY was...

I know it's tough man, but keep on trucking and move on with life. Good luck.

Yes, time is all you have... so, don't waste it... get to work logging days to clarity :-)

cowboyjai · Nov 19, 2009, 06:52 AM

It was so weird LOL. I've been NC for about a year now (broke up just over a year ago), and then all of a sudden I walk out of my office and come face to face with her. She was apparently hired by someone at my work to decorate for a business function we had going on. Its kind of weird because I live and work on opposite sides of town, I don't think I ever expected to see her again

I was struck kind of dumb and stopped walking and stared at her (we were very close). I also started to get so irrationally angry it was ridiculous (something like LOL, she has the nerve to turn up here?! ). We made eye contact, and then she looked away and looked all sad, and then I walked off. Didn't say a word

Been NC for so long, someone telling me I did the right thing would be great

Yeah, it was a weird day yesterday

Imabadman · Nov 19, 2009, 06:57 AM

I'm assuming she left you? Her loss right?!

Let her be sad.

cowboyjai · Nov 19, 2009, 07:00 AM

Yeah she did, over a year ago. I came here a lot then for guidance. A few times after I popped back to offer some

I was just annoyed with myself that she could still provoke a reaction, even if it was a completely silent one

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 07:12 AM

Entire story merged

That's quite the roller-coaster ride you have here. But no contact is the right way to go if you want to completely heal.

Here are the no contact rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

To help you fight the urges of breaking the rules:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

Jake2008 · Nov 19, 2009, 07:13 AM

Eventually, chances are, you will need to face the ex eventually, and although you haven't seen her for a year, there will be some sort of reaction. Even if you thought it might happen, emotion has a way of dictating the reaction.

She probably had the benefit of knowing there was a chance of seeing you, and you didn't. She was prepared, you weren't. When that happens, naturally shock will smack you hard. Anger is a pent up emotion, that usually masks fear. I think that it is not a stretch to think that you were caught off guard, and reacted defensively. She is in your space, right out of the blue, where you never expected to see her. Impossible to react without emotion. Had it been me, I likely would have screamed and ran away. :)

Your reaction was shock. And it didn't mean anything. It's not like you went home and cried in your pudding, and decided that you have to win her back. Nothing has changed in that regard from what I've read.

It's natural to react the way you did, don't give it another thought.

cowboyjai · Nov 19, 2009, 07:32 AM

Hahaha, wow, this merged topic is awesome

And yeah, she definitely knew there was a chance of seeing me there, she knew I worked there and honestly after the things we've been through actually turning up there in my workplace surprised me hardcore. Do you know how many times back when I first started coming here, I used to think about her turning up outside my office door? Just being there? Then it actually happened but it didn't go down at all like in my daydreams LOL

Thanks for the support guys. She's emailed me, txt'd and done all sorts of things since we've broken up to try and communicate with me and I've ignored them all. Hopefully she draws the line at stalking me at work (:D yes I realise I am exaggerating slightly with that one... I hope)

kctiger · Nov 19, 2009, 07:34 AM

Good to see you back for an update CJ! :) I would have had the same reaction, albeit probably a little more animated and colorful. I think you handled it extremely well. Hope everything else is good with you!

cowboyjai · Nov 19, 2009, 07:38 AM

Hey kc! How you been? I should start coming here more to give the newer guys any nuggets of wisdom I can dig up. God knows how much I appreciated you guys 12 months ago

And yeah, if I had said something, I'm not sure what it would have been, but if it was translated into text for you guys to read it would definitely have been all in caps and full of rage.

glenboy123 · Nov 19, 2009, 12:51 PM

Hi Cowboy.

That is a truly uncanny encounter you had! The basics of your story are very similar to mine from many years ago. Your situation when you suddenly found yourself face to face with your exe at your place of work is uncannily similar to mine a few months back when I suddenly found myself face to face with my ex from 10 years ago who is nowing working in my local store. What is also so uncanny is that fact you mentioned your ex was brought in to decorate for a busniess meeting - some kind of interior designer maybe. Very similar to my ex now!

What you felt emotionally and how you reacted when suddenly faced with your ex are nothing out of the ordinary, and likewise for your ex in the way she reacted and no doubt felt emotionally too. As has already been mentioned, she no doubt had time to prepare herself mentally and emotionally. I wouldn't be surprised if your ex had doubts in doing the job knowing you may still be there. I wouldn't have been surprised if she would have felt slightly emotionally fearful and nervious, a kind of High Noon countdown situation waiting for the inevitable gunfight! It sounds though, based on your description of her body language reaction that the past year has allowed her to move forward as well. Not being able to speak to you and maintaining eye contact speaks of someone who may still harbour feelings of regret and anger and even sadness at the way things developed, which is normal. To suddenly find yourself quite literally feet away from an ex partner from a bad break-up will always bring back memories of hurt and emotional pain. That's why people always try and distance themselves from past partners, not to protect themselves emotionally from any hurt they may have felt from the break-up, but more down to the way they used to feel about the other partner pre break-up. It's that feeling of knowing that there was something they used to have but have no more.

Either way I think you both handled the situation very well.