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tabbarat · Oct 24, 2008, 07:10 PM

Funny... I can say yes to almost all, if not all... but a lot of the people here still tell me to "move on"

I always knew she was worth it

Ash123 · Oct 26, 2008, 09:02 PM

TABBARET SAID: funny...i can say yes to almost all, if not all...but a lot of the ppl here still tell me to "move on"

I always knew she was worth it

HUH?!!!!! 3 at the most.

1. Can you be yourself with this person?
NO. You are a guy trying to make her think and want you.

2. Do you trust them?
NO. You wonder if she will leave you for him.

3. Do you think they have your back at all times?
NO. You think she may find another.

4. Do you respect them?
Let's assume, depite all this, you can still say yes.

5. Do they respect you?
No. She ignores you and wants space.

6. If you were not sleeping together would they still have the character to be considered a best friend?
Let's hope a yes.

7. Do they make your life more productive?
No. You are on AMHD all the time. :-)

8. Do disagreements get settled with a respectful conversation?
No. You wait a few days and stew

9. Do you like them enough to want to show them off to your parents and best friend anytime?
Well, this seems like a yes.

10. Could you go on like things are now with this person... forever?
NO WAY!

And two more for those thinking of the long-term:

11. Do you give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to them?
No. you are playing games.

12. Do they give unconditionally (spritually as well as physically) to you?
NOT AT ALL.

Brother, I just think it was bad timing n your parts.
And now you are spinning in your head trying to win her.
NOT GOOD I THINK.

tabbarat · Oct 27, 2008, 01:34 AM

1) when we are together, I am myself... the same person I am with everyone.. same jokes, same personlity, etc... of course ONCE IN A WHILE I play the game so that she won't have her cake and eat it too, but that's only normal... 90% of the time we are ourselves, or else we wouldn't be able to stand each other after all this!

2) true, I wonder if she will leave me for her ex again, BUT while we are together here in dubai, I trust her 100%... she tells me everything about the guys that hit on her, shows me messages, etc.. she totally respects herself and has a strong personality... one guy asked her out to dinner, and she said "sure, when it starts snowing in dubai" :)... and she doesn't have to tel me all this if we are technically single

3) I meant have your back as in a best friend.. to talk to.. to be with.. advice.. etc... I don't think she will find another... I mean she already has me and her ex of 10yrs! How many more can there be? :)... if you meant have your back as her being a good friend, then definitiey yes... she even suggested we go to the gym together so we can talk more and see each other more

4) yes I respect her.. I respect that she was honest to me about her ex situation

5) she ignores me and wants space? Are you reading my posts? We are seeing each other almost everyday and she bought me a gift the other day because "she felt like it"... SOMETIMES we both want space and go out with friends.. its normal

6) yes

7) more productive... hmm... I don't know... I did start going to the gym again, and watch movies more often now :)

8) we do wait a few days and stew, but that's better than fgighting and shouting... isnt that part of the no contact strategy? We may take time to cool, but we never shout or argue.. we talk in a calm way and agree on things

9) yes

10) your right... no way forever...

11) partially right

12) partially right

Wow this was fun :)... but I do agree with you that the situation is not FULLY good

Take care man

talaniman · Oct 27, 2008, 04:24 AM

I don't think she will find another... I mean she already has me and her ex of 10yrs! How many more can there be? :).

As many as she can handle. If she has female friends, then she will always have opportunity for meeting someone, as do you. You haven't told her everything so why assume she tells you everything?

We are seeing each other almost everyday and she bought me a gift the other day because "she felt like it"... SOMETIMES we both want space and go out with friends.. its normal

For friends it is, but you are chasing, and she is running, because you want more from her than she is willing to give. Why should anything progress? She already has everything she needs, and your willing to go along with it. The flaw in your strategy..................it could be years before she is ready for a honest healthy relationship with anyone, let alone you!

We do wait a few days and stew, but that's better than fgighting and shouting... isnt that part of the no contact strategy? we may take time to cool, but we never shout or argue.. we talk in a calm way and agree on things

To just clarify, no contact is to heal and move on, what your doing is cooling off, which isn't a bad thing after a disagreement.

Wow this was fun :)... but I do agree with you that the situation is not FULLY good

You mean fully fulfilling.

tabbarat · Oct 27, 2008, 04:33 PM

Liked what I read

tabbarat · Oct 27, 2008, 04:40 PM

True.. we both have a chance to meet someone else... thats why we should tell each other.. bc it would be no longer an issue of me vs. the ex

Anyway, I would notice.. we see and speak to each other almost everyday, so if smthg seems unusual, we will have a talk

U scared me with your "it could be years" sentence! :) I hope not!. im being very careful not to let her have her cake and eat it too... don't forget when she "stalked" me last weekend and surprised me at the nightclub I was at... anyway, sometimes you need to fight... it pumps new blood into the relationship...

I still lsee it simply as: either end it and hope she comes back... or be with her and enjoy the ride for now

slapshot_oi · Dec 25, 2008, 10:43 PM

I like this one:

6. If you were not sleeping together would they still have the character to be considered a best friend?

I have never thought about this one before and it shows because I'm not close to any of my exes (not the most recent one, too short to really count), we just talk in passing if we happen to see one another. We're text-book definition friends, but not real friends.

That is the best question to ask yourself. Sex complicates everything.

cbsf · Dec 25, 2008, 10:52 PM

My ex would've gotten a C-/D+ before things went downhill; I'd give her a solid F(U) now.

Ash123 · Dec 27, 2008, 02:06 PM

Yep, deep down we know the truth, but chemistry and biology can make it a bit... hazy until we are broken up a while... :-)

Zpottle · Mar 10, 2009, 08:16 AM

I have a question for you ash, the reason I am asking you is because you're the first expert on relationships I saw, I'm having a problem with a girl at my school and I don't no what 2 do , parents are strict 2 my question is somewhere in the relationships questions would be nice if you could help

Ash123 · Mar 10, 2009, 05:56 PM

Post it and send to my email too so I don't miss it... and I'll post on both

friend4u178 · Mar 10, 2009, 06:03 PM

Here it is Ash...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ol-327355.html

chnnker177 · Nov 8, 2009, 08:02 PM

So how do you know when or how to trust someone after you have been badly burned chewed and spit out in the past relationship?

Ash123 · Mar 19, 2010, 02:08 PM

Originally Posted by chnnker177

so how do you know when or how to trust someone after you have been badly burned chewed and spit out in the past relationship?

When dating someone new give them a chance to build friendship, and just draw the line. We let a lot of things go in the name of winning a partner. If someone is rude, tell them they hurt your feelings. If they do not apologize or modify behavior then move on.