[1eve23]

I have to say that I feel that maybe there is something wrong with me. Me and my bofriend have been together for over 8 yrs and have three children. When he performs oral sex on me I reall, really enjoy it and will have an orgasm without a doubt. But when we have sex, I have a hard time having an orgasm. I feel uncomfortable telling him because he is very self conscious and I know he will not at all like to hear about it. I will have an orgasm if I am on top and doing it my way, but if he is on top he completes his task assuming that I am done and that is it. I think maybe I am just bored but I have had this issue for years. I am 23 years old and feel so unsatisfyed.

What should I do?? /:confused: :confused:

[Fr_Chuck]

Well, do you do a lot of foreplay, perhaps havea orgasm or two before actual intercourse, if not why not?? Next have you discussed positioning.

[1eve23]

He doesn't like to foreplay, I think that is one of the reasons I don't enjoy having sex, because I am not really in the mood. He just wants to get right to it. He usually starts on top of me and wants to finish that way, but I don't end up having an orgasm unless I am at top. I feel stressed just knowing how self conscious he is. He says he knows he doesn't please me and I hate to admit it but he doesn't. Of course I don't tell him that.

[simoneaugie]

He may be self-conscious, but you need to talk to him about your lack of satisfaction. You are being used, through lack of foreplay as a masturbation tool. A quiet talk over coffee would be good. How long do you want to continue things as they are? It may seem like things are working well for him, but making you happy should make him happier too.

From what you described, you are a normal woman sexually. The missionary position is unsatisfying for most of us. Oral and being on top works quite well for most of us. So, if being on top is good for you, climb on top! If he resists, tell him that you would rather not have sex because with him on top, it doesn't work for you.

Sex between two people involves the full participation of both, with mutual satisfaction in mind. Talking about it may need to occur many times over the course of a relationship. Take the bull by the horns now. Don't wait until you can't stand the boredom any longer and he finds out how unhappy you were during the break-up.

[Choux]

If you don't insist on some foreplay, you're going to have to warm yourself up before you allow him to enter you. (vibrator or self-pleasuring)

I guess I was one of the few women who could orgasm in the missionary position... right now, I'm trying to remember back... what about asking him to rest quietly and you flex your Kegels and vaginal muscles, or whatever they are... have him pump slowly for awhile... I don't really remember much, but use your sexy mind, too. :D

[blue_st4r]

How can you satisfy each other if you don't know what both of you like. If you find it embarrassing to tell him what gets you to come then write it on a piece of paper and give it to him.

Try this: Both of you make a list of things you would like to do. Eg: from 1 to 10 list things like Oral, Anal, Fore-Play. Plain sex, Blind folded, etc etc you should know your brand of vodka for this.
Okay make a list and stick it somewhere where both of you can see it. Like your fridge or in your cupboard and put a star or a mark if you feel like number 1 from the list on that day. That way, you or him won't feel bad for asking certain things...

[SimpleguyJoe]

Ok... This makes no sense what so ever. He says he is self conscious yet he won't be fair in bed? Just tell him straight up that there is a simple solution to him feeling inadequtte tell him to just try the forplay and if he does not like doing it then tell him not to be down on himself for not doing a good job.

It just sounds like you guys need to open a few doors of communication while in the bedroom to findout eachothers real needs. Remember it's no fun when just one gets all the pleasure.

[talaniman]

Get yours first, and make the selfish b... d wait. NAW, but he is selfish, and that's his problem. Maybe lazy too!

But that's where you start the conversation, just tell him its your turn, and if he can't handle it, tell him to lay there, and shut up, until your finished with him.

Has he always been like this?

[kp2171]

Well... what you have said is not unreasonable...

Oral on a woman is one of the best ways to get her to orgasm. As I've said here before... if a locked and loaded gun were to my head and I was told "get her off or else"... oral would be the way I would go. Period. Much of the stimulation of intercourse can be simulated with fingers and much of the oral play cannot be simulated with intercourse.

Understand, I'm not slamming intercourse. All in all... I think the more a couple can connect through intercourse, the better. If I had a choice of my lover bringing me to orgasm through intercourse versus oral, id probably ask for intercourse 9 times out of ten.

A possible variation... you stated you can get to orgasm on top... something which is more "expected"... you have more control over pressure and sensations... if he is on top chances are he isn't hitting your cl!toris as needed. So why not self stimulate with him on you?

Sure... there can be stigmas associated with self stim while a lover in inside you... but I think its one of the best methods of pushing you over the top that there is.

My personal experience is that women who were not afraid to self stim were more often able to reach orgasm than those who were not.

So... I don't think there is anything to worry about... but you do need to consider your own, personal experience.

What you have described... woman on top or oral to reach orgasm is two of the primary ways id suggest to bring a woman to orgasm.

You seem to have a problem with this... please explain why this is a "failure" in your mind...

[Synnen]

Just want to point out that the OP hasn't been around since April.

[talaniman]

When it comes to talking about sex, who looks at the dates??

[Synnen]

The woman, obviously.

I think the fear of pregnancy trains us into paying attention to dates when dealing with sex more than men do.