[jaflr100]

My husband finally told me he just had a child with his ex-mistress, but now I just found out myself that I'm 14 weeks pregnant,after 15 years and 17 years of marriage, and only one son,I don't know but.. could anyone tell me if I'm wrong about not wanting to see his child now ,but maybe after I give birth , since I , myself waited for so long to cherish my own, I forgave him and told him I would try to work things out , but how should I answer to him, I don't want him to think I don't care about his child, because I do, I know she is now part of our family , but I just don't how to handle this, I'm still hurt about his 5 year affair , and now this.

[sock_poise]

I'm a bit confused but I think you need to see a counsellor or talk to someone to begin to deal with this yourself. Do you mean he has only told you recently he has a child who is 15 years old? Has he only recently found out? Or only recently decided to tell you? Or is his ex-mistress pregnant too? I am finding it hard to understand your situation

The way you are feeling is never wrong, it is your current state of mind - don't deny it, just ask yourself why you feel that way. It is understandable that you feel uncomfortable about meeting his child that he had with another woman. You really need to sit down and talk to him about this and tell him how you feel.

[jaflr100]

Thank you so much for replying to my question, My husband and I have a 15 year old boy, and just a couple of weeks ago he told me that his ex-mistress had a baby, I'm currently 13 weeks pregnant, so I don't know what to do , also he wants our sonto know about the baby , but him being a teenager and the only one so far, I don't know how he is going to react, would It be better to wait till I have my baby and then bring his baby home.?

[talaniman]

Definitely wait until after your child is born, as the last thing you need is added stress.

[artlady]

I think you are being very gracious to even anticipate accepting this child but to expect more from you at this time would be cruel.

I applaud your determination to stay with this this cheating man.. I never really was able to do it for very long. I sometimes wish I had been able to accept the cheating but I never could.I really wonder about the mindset of women who can.

How do you really do that?I can't wrap my head around it.

I'm 54 and I realize my man could stray any day but I just don't think I could get over it.
I did it when I was younger but... I really don't understand how I could do it again.

There is no rule that says you have to love this child and or accept this child.. wow... you must be a saint to think that is your responsibility!

I think once you have your baby you may feel quite differently about this entire situation.. until that time, concentrate on you and your baby and think of that alone as that is your only priority right now... Many blessings.. Michele

[Fr_Chuck]

The simple fact is that you should expect him to have regular visits with his child. That would mean the child being at your home on a regular basis for visits. This is what step parents have to do all the time every day of the year somewhere.

[jaflr100]

Thank you all so much for all your comments the are so helpful and meant a lot to me at this time,but what should I do in reference my 15 year old son, he doesn't know about my husband's baby , but he suspected that Dad was cheating. should I also wait to tell him the news? since I think every one in my husband's family know now about the baby , but they want to respect our choice in telling our son all the truth.

[artlady]

Hi Jaflr
Regarding telling your son,I think that is a decision and a responsibility for your husband to handle.

He may very well lose respect for his father and feel bad that he hurt you and this could impact their relationship in a very negative way.

Let your husband make the decision and he should be doing the telling as well.

Best wishes to you and stay strong!