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Boristheblade · Dec 22, 2008, 04:24 PM

Myself and my ex reconciled (long story) and have started dating because we still have feelings for each other, enjoy each other's company's and want to get to know each other again because we've both grown up.

However I txt him today saying I didn't think I could carry it on literally just over a week after we started dating. He doesn't really like me telling people when we meet up which annoyed me because it made me feel like some dirty shameful secret, when I'm with him I feel the affection, but when I'm away from him and we speak on the phone or through messages I just feel a complete lack of emotion like I could be anyone,it's hard to explain but it just feels like my feelings aren' t being reciprocated, so I started to worry if it was a physical thing and told him I can't be a friend with benefits. Now, at the time when I sent this message these things really annoyed me and I felt I couldn't do it,now as I write them they sound trivial and ridiculous and I think I'm being paranoid. Am I?? :(

nitelight198073 · Dec 22, 2008, 04:59 PM

I do not believe you are being paranoid he has done something to make you feel this way... there is a reason you made him an ex and most of the time it is better to keep it that way. If you feel that it is one sided dump him you need to find someone who feels the same about you that you feel about them and most important follow your heart

southerngalps · Dec 22, 2008, 05:01 PM

Just take it slow. You have only been back together a little while.

I think women's feelings develop a lot quicker than a man's.

If you are happy in his presence then that is what's important. Don't let the phone conversations influence your decision.

Boristheblade · Dec 22, 2008, 05:07 PM

To just clarify we're not exclusive we are just dating, which is supposed to be fun, and I do have fun with him, but feeling like he is embarrassed to be seeing me isn't fun for me.

Boristheblade · Dec 22, 2008, 05:55 PM

:(

southerngalps · Dec 22, 2008, 06:06 PM

Okay, you said when you are together that he is affectionate.

Is he not like this all the time, especially when you are in front of people?

Guys are different when it comes to pda's. As far as him not wanting you to say you are together, did you ask him why?

talaniman · Dec 22, 2008, 06:40 PM

We're not exclusive we are just dating,

Your not being paranoid, you've mistaken dating, for a real relationship. You have high expectations, that aren't being met.

You only date him, but is he doing the same? So your not back together, and you have settled on this option, as a way to feel better, and it ain't going to work, sorry to say.

If your having sex, it is friends with benefits.

You really need to rethink this whole thing as it does seem like this is very equal, emotionally as you have way more invested than he does, but his return is higher than yours. NOT GOOD!!

Boristheblade · Dec 23, 2008, 03:19 AM

Do I stop dating him then and just be friends, or lower my expectations, or do NC, what? Im confused.

Boristheblade · Dec 23, 2008, 04:36 PM

Someone please help me with that?

southerngalps · Dec 23, 2008, 04:45 PM

Do what you think is best for you.

If you continue to just date him, you can't expect anymore from him.

Boristheblade · Dec 23, 2008, 04:49 PM

Ok, thanks for your advice

kg70 · Dec 23, 2008, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by southerngalps

do what you think is best for you.

if you continue to just date him, you can't expect anymore from him.

I agree if you continue down the road you have chosen it will be as it is.
And really only you can answer your own question -when it comes to relationships listening to advice is great but you have to be the judge and jury. It's your life - live it for you!

southerngalps · Dec 23, 2008, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by kg70

i agree if you continue down the road you have chosen it will be as it is.
And really only you can answer your own question -when it comes to relationships listening to advice is great but you have to be the judge and jury. It's your life - live it for you!

Well said :)

N0help4u · Dec 23, 2008, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Your not being paranoid, you've mistaken dating, for a real relationship. You have high expectations, that aren't being met.

You only date him, but is he doing the same?? So your not back together, and you have settled on this option, as a way to feel better, and it ain't gonna work, sorry to say.

If your having sex, it is friends with benefits.

You really need to rethink this whole thing as it does seem like this is very equal, emotionally as you have way more invested than he does, but his return is higher than yours. NOT GOOD!!

Not only that but you need to distinguish paranoid from gut instinct.
What does your gut instinct say?

Boristheblade · Dec 23, 2008, 06:02 PM

I don't know I have two such conflicting feelings that's why I asked for help because I just don't know.

A whole 50% of me is sure that we're going to get together and work things out, that's the gut instinct from my heart, because even when things were at our worst and I told myself I needed to get over him and we both said we "hated" each other somewhere in my heart I knew we'd come together again and in a way I was right because we worked everything out and started dating.

But the other half thinks I'm just drawing out the inevitable-which is me having to let go, because he doesn't love me and I'm dreaming something that will never actually happen- that's my head.

liz28 · Dec 23, 2008, 06:11 PM

When your dating someone you never know how things would out but that is risk your suppose to take. It's even going develop into something else or not.

I don't know how your relationship ended with this guy the last time but that could play a part in it this time around.

Maybe you shouldn't focus so much energy and emotions in it him just yet. Take things slow and have a life that doesn't include focusing on him, this way you won't get so caught out in him.

Boristheblade · Dec 23, 2008, 06:17 PM

If you read my other posts you'll see that things ended terribly, like horribly, (his doing) but we've spoken lots, he's apologised of course, and I said I'd forgive him.

To be honest I think I am exhausted with this whole thing, I may just cut my losses, even though I still love him with all my heart..

N0help4u · Dec 23, 2008, 06:29 PM

Okay the thing is that if he was not treating you right, being inconsiderate, double standards, responsibility or whatever, you need to realize guys do not change that easily-IF they do at all!
Guys will say they are going to change and want it to work but they end up going in circles with trying to do right only to fall right back in their old habits and patterns. To tell you the honest truth it is because they do not see what they are doing wrong. They figure that they will go along with the program until you fall back to being hopelessly being the same as they were. You need to take a look and figure right where he is, who he is can you see yourself in a real relationship with him?

Boristheblade · Dec 23, 2008, 06:31 PM

I can, because he seems to have grown up so much and I really do think things are different now... but I would wouldn't I? Because I want them to be so much.

talaniman · Dec 24, 2008, 08:10 AM

Take some time away from him to think without his influence, as I really do think this is to one sided to work out the way you want it to. The thing about reality, it doesn't matter how you feel its what you do, and its one thing to forgive, and another to forget.

The thing to consider are facts, does his actions match his words?? That's the question to answer, honestly.