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britterpillar · Dec 21, 2008, 12:59 PM

Me and my ex were together for 3 years. He broke up with me 9 days ago. He says he isn't as attracted to me and isn't obsessed with me like he used to be. We fought a lot and I promised I could stop but he does not believe me. We were supposed to live together next year and everything. And only a few days before he broke up with me he was telling me how much he loved me. But when I ask him to tell me he doesn't love me, he won't say it. What do I do? I am in so so much pain. He has become like family to me.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2008, 03:08 PM

How old are you both?

britterpillar · Dec 21, 2008, 03:21 PM

I am 19 and he is 20

talaniman · Dec 21, 2008, 05:05 PM

Have you been in contact at all over those 9 days?

Sorry for the questions, but background information helps a lot.

britterpillar · Dec 21, 2008, 05:10 PM

Yes.

Is that a bad thing or a good thing? People have said not to talk to him, others have said to talk to him more.

talaniman · Dec 21, 2008, 05:34 PM

It is best to let the emotional dust settle, and then see how you feel, but in your case, if your still talking, and I'm sure you are talking about being back together, then leaving him alone, and accepting his feelings have changed, is the best option at this point. Do you not agree?

roxypox · Dec 21, 2008, 05:37 PM

Well if you're hurting it might be a good idea to just take a talking break, spend sometime with yourself, spend sometime with friends and relatives. Especially now over the holidays. So that you can digest what has happened!

britterpillar · Dec 21, 2008, 05:47 PM

Yes I agree, but he refuses to tell me he doesn't love me anymore. And I tell him it's all I want to hear.

friend4u178 · Dec 21, 2008, 05:52 PM

He doesn't want to feel guilty by telling you that , and also that way he can keep you hanging if he changes his mind.

The fact that he doesn't want to be with you should tell you that yourself. Sorry to be harsh but don't hang on to this just because HE won't tell you.

Go No Contact and if it's meant to be down the track and he starts to miss you he will contact you.

Don't lose your dignity by begging and pleading with him , if anything that will just push him away further.

Good Luck!

roxypox · Dec 21, 2008, 05:52 PM

Yeah, but if the break is fresh he might still feel that he loves you; i.e. as a person and especially as someone he has known for a really really long time (just consider how old you guys are, you've known each other for a long time)

So even though he might not want to be with you anymore, it is still possible to feel that he loves you he is just not in love with you or love you the same way as he used to.

So just do yourself the favor of a talking break, sadly the pain you feel is not actually going to magically disappear even if you hear; out of his mouth, that he doesn't love you anymore.

Its still going to be there, so what you need to do is give yourself time to heal and recover from the pain.

Have you guys talked about getting back together?

chuff · Dec 21, 2008, 05:56 PM

You are setting yourself up for failure with that question. No matter what he says, it will give you a false hope. Right now he doesn't answer and that gives you false hope, if he were to answer that he does still love you that would be false hope and if he were to answer no you wouldn't believe him.

I know nobody likes hearing this but at your age you are both changing and he's probably becoming another person, growing inside into a different life direction. Sometimes life takes wild turns, and sometimes we are not ready for it, which is what it sounds like you have had happen to you.

You have to quit talking to him at this point or this emotional turmoil will continue to go in circles. You have to stop it yourself and get off the emotional roller coaster.

britterpillar · Dec 28, 2008, 07:52 PM

We talked about getting back together last night. We went for food and to the mall as if nothing had happened between us and we were dating. We talked at my house and he told me he still loves me and he started kissing me and we almost had sex but I made him stop even though I wanted it badly too. The we talked more while cuddling. He said he came over with the intention of not getting back together and that he was now thinking maybe yes. But he believes we will just be in the same perdicament in another six months. So he walked to the door, hugged me for a long time really firm and sat in his car for about 5 minutes before he left. I sent him a text to please turn around. But he said he wants me to hate him because I deserve better and he can't give me that.

LENA11 · Dec 28, 2008, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by britterpillar

Me and my ex were together for 3 years. He broke up with me 9 days ago. He says he isn't as attracted to me and isnt obsessed with me like he used to be. We fought a lot and i promised i could stop but he does not beleive me. We were supposed to live together next year and everything. and only a few days before he broke up with me he was telling me how much he loved me. But when i ask him to tell me he doesn't love me, he won't say it. What do i do? I am in so so much pain. He has become like family to me.

U have to be strong, and just pray to god for direction, I believe everything happens for a reason...