[blondie0822]

Ok, here's how it goes. I had dated my boyfriend for about a year, and things were usually very good between us. I loved him, still do, more than anything. But I let some of my fears get in the way, and get the best of me. The relationship ended and I am completely devastated. I know what I did wrong and I swear to never do it again, but I have hurt him and scared him away. I don't know what to do to get him back. I love him more than life itself and am willing to do anything to make it work between us. I just don't know how. :( So please, if anyone has any kind of advice on what I should do, PLEASE let me know. Thanks!

[Krs]

What did u do? You did wrong, you hurt him and scared him away!
What happened?

[blondie0822]

Oh, it's a long story... but here goes. I grew up in an alcoholic family and I've seen first hand the hell that it puts families through. My boyfriend drank very rarely, just sometimes when he went out with his friends. One night though we had a big argument about it and he swore he would never drink again. Well about 3 months later, he had 1 shot with his friend. I automatically thought "He's going to turn into an alcoholic, and I'm going to live a life just like I grew up in" My anxiety got so high, and I got so scared, that I broke it off because of that. He doesn't have any signs of alcoholism though, I just let my fears get the best of me. I know he still loves me, and we still talk everyday, but he is so scared to come back to me. I have learned so much from this, and I want him back. I just need help in doing so!

[Krs]

I understand, well no I can't understand your fears as I never grew up in an alcoholic family so I can't comprehend what you went through.

Im sure you explained your fear of alcohol due to your family to your boyfriend.
You should sit with him and talk about it, as we all say here at AMHD - communication is the key in a relationship.

If you know he still loves you, he will surely understand.
Don't let your fear get in your way of something good. After all you have the experience to see if someone gets attached to alcohol and you said yourself that he has no signs of alcoholism, so don't lose something which you know in your heart will be good for you.

He has to be patient with you but as time goes by I'm sure if you two get back together, on occasions you can go out have 1 or 2 drinks together and that is it.

Good Luck.

[valinors_sorrow]

I know this isn't exactly what you might be expecting as a answer but bear with me -- it really has your best interest in mind. Some of your fears may need more than what you've indicted to be reconciled, at least that has been my experience and observation of others. I know you think you learned the lesson but I am very attuned to alcoholism issues personally from both directions and the wounds it can leave are often much deeper than anyone thinks. Have you ever attended Al-Anon meetings or read any of the books about ACOA issues (Adult Child of An Alcoholic)? Its possible that if you began taking active, direct measures to deal with your fear, then your friend might perceive the change beginning to develop in you and be less reluctant. I know I would. In the meantime, without something like that, I think his reluctancy might be warranted, no offense. Please consider this: If he were posting here instead of you, I would be asking him what measures has he seen his friend taking to affect this problem and rightly so. And even if it does not win him back, you'll be freer from the effects of your past-- which is always a good thing. I hope this helps and if you have questions, please post them here. Thanks for posting.

[Wildcat21]

"I love him more than life itself and am willing to do anything to make it work between us" - See that's a huge problem - your significant other is part of your life... NOT your life - NEVER.

Plus YOU broke with him. I am sure he is upset as well.

I think you should work on yourself for a while... get over your insecurities.

I doesn't sound like he has an alcohol problem AT ALL - NOne. It's OK if he goes out and has a drink with the boys... it's OK. Does/did he drink every day?? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!

[talaniman]

I think this episode has shown you you need to take stock and deal with your baggage. Val's ideas are an excellent starting point.