What do I do now?

N0help4u · Dec 16, 2008, 06:01 AM

When you feel comfortable enough apologize and tell him you didn't realize just how much he meant to you. Tell him that when you start snapping out for him to stop you in your tracks somehow.
Maybe when you feel comfortable enough that he has come around enough invite him for a weekend away just the two of you.

talaniman · Dec 16, 2008, 07:28 AM

I hope your one of the lucky ones, who do get a second chance, and not repeat the same mistake twice. Lots of honest communications.

debdoes · Dec 16, 2008, 01:58 PM

I hope I am one of the lucky ones too. I WON'T make the same mistakes ever again, especially after coming across this website. It really has opened up my eyes and let me see things how they really are, and how ridiculous I have been. Only time will tell if I do get that chance again...

debdoes · Dec 19, 2008, 06:53 PM

Great... So I guess I sent my final text to him on Wednesday. I put it all out there, told him I wanted to see him again, take it really slow, see where it goes from there. Told him I thought I needed to try since I screwed up with him. Told him I wanted to know if I was just making a fool of myself for trying. His response: (grrrr)
"You and I will never happen again. I don't have any feelings left for you anymore, you killed that. I don't hate you, but move on."
Wow, I feel awesome right now. Now I really have no choice but to never contact him again. I tried, did all I could do. What really gets to me is why the f**k did he call me last week if he really never cares to hear from me again? Apparently it's because he was "drunk and angry".

talaniman · Dec 19, 2008, 08:11 PM

You have your answer, and can end this chapter of your life. Actually you've had that answer a long time, but never accepted it.

debdoes · Dec 20, 2008, 09:07 PM

You are right, and you could say "I told you so." That's fine, I suck!

kctiger · Dec 21, 2008, 07:39 AM

Originally Posted by debdoes

You are right, and you could say "I told you so." That's fine, I suck!

Process of moving on:

Step 1: DO NOT blame yourself and do not say that you suck! Nothing sucks about being human and loving someone more than they loved you. It happens! No biggie...

Carry on. :)

talaniman · Dec 21, 2008, 09:14 AM

Your hurt, and disappointed, but you have to be ready for something good, so focus forward, not back.

debdoes · Dec 21, 2008, 04:24 PM

I want to know why? I don't get it because he was pretty much obsessed with me for a while. I know he loved me, he told everybody all the time. Did I really mess up that bad that his feelings for me shut off?

debdoes · Dec 21, 2008, 04:32 PM

Oh, and I also want to know some reasons of why he may have called me last week? He left 2 drunken messages. The first one was "You probably aren't answering because you're banging someone right now." (NICE) The second one was some kind of song he wanted me to listen to, couldn't understand what he was saying. If I had no feelings for somebody, there is no way I would call them, doesn't matter how drunk I am.

debdoes · Dec 21, 2008, 08:40 PM

Just want to throw something else out here... I'm 32, he is 24. (yep, I'm a cougar, haha). It really caught me off guard when he asked me out in the first place because he is so much younger, By far the youngest I have ever dated. And I was very cautious at the beginning and told him so. I told him that I thought he was too young for me, and there is so much he still needed to do, that I have done already. I told him I was perfectly happy being single, no stress, no anxiety, no worrying about anything! Too late for that, I fell for him. Right from the beginning he told my sister that he wanted to marry me and told his mom that "I was the one." haha... fast forward 8 months now. So what I think I'm getting at here is... when I was 23, I got dumped, and from what I remember I was heartbroken, don't remember this pain though! And it just seemed I got over that quick. Now that I'm 32, I just feel like I'm too old for anything now. I never wanted kids, never wanted to get married, loved being on my own. But with the recent one, I wanted to get married, I wanted to have kids with him. He would (my bad, WILL, NOT WITH ME) be a great father and husband! I feel like if I ever do find someone else that I actually love, I'll be too old to have kids. Because it takes me a really long time to find somebody I want to stay with. So when and IF that does happen, I'll be old enough to be a grandmother, not a mother. I'm wondering too what people think of the 8 year age difference with us too. Doesn't seem like much, but since he's only 24...

kctiger · Dec 22, 2008, 08:19 AM

You aren't too old! Life isn't about marrying the first person you fall in love with so you can be the status quo family that has children at a certain age. Life is about finding your true partner, someone YOU will love for the rest of your life, no matter the age or circumstance. Don't worry about your age or any of that. Just let things happen.

Him being 24 has nothing to do with anything. It is a number. You two clearly have feelings and emotions that are blind to your age. Be happy you haven't rushed into a disfunctional relationship at a young age only to be miserable for the rest of your life. You are doing what you need to in order to find happiness. That is all that matters. Love will find you, always has and always will.

debdoes · Dec 22, 2008, 09:08 AM

Last night I got rid of everything he ever gave me. It's all in the garbage. I mailed off his DVD box set to him that he had here. Now I'm going to have to delete myself off Facebook because I find myself checking out his best friends profile all the time, and seeing new pictures of him. My ex isn't one of my friends on there but I always type in his name to see his profile pic... Last night I was in tears, this morning I'm pissed off. I'm going to try now as hard as I possibly can to stop analyzing everything, every text message he sent me, the phone call... stop all thoughts... try to accept it's really over and I will never see him again. BOOO

kctiger · Dec 22, 2008, 09:24 AM

You are doing every normal reaction there is. There are four stages of grief, or loss, if you will, and you are going through them. Google them if you want. Another thing I do is help others out on this forum. It is amazing therapy to make other people feel better when you don't feel that great either. Keep on chugging, you are taking the right steps. And YES, NEVER look at Facebook again, it is absolutely evil in this situation.

debdoes · Dec 22, 2008, 09:34 AM

Facebook is EVIL! So is text messaging! I would never have gotten myself into this position in the first place if text messaging wasn't around. I think my phone is going into the river... AGAIN

debdoes · Dec 23, 2008, 08:11 PM

Oh PERFECT! I'm never going to escape the reminders! His dad showed up at the bar I work at today for a couple beers, my heart dropped and then I wanted to cry, I had a couple shots instead... He said hi and merry Xmas (oh yes, so merry!). When I was leaving I bought him a beer and headed out. Never mentioned a word about the ex, although I wanted to...

debdoes · Dec 23, 2008, 08:54 PM

What really sucks too are my panic attacks and anxiety! I actually somewhat sleep well at night, but I used to LOVE my naps, and I can't anymore. I might fall asleep for a couple minutes but then subconsciously he enters my mind and I pretty much start hyperventilating and panicking. And I'm so TIRED! I have been working 2 jobs so I've been putting in a lot of hours. I want to be able to nap. :( I love sleeping!