[roxypox]

Okay, so on Friday I met this guy, and we exchanged numbers, and we hung out on Saturday and Sunday. On Tuesday I asked him if he wanted to grab a cup of coffee with me someday this week, and earlier today we met at this coffee place and drank coffee and talked.

When we left the coffee place he held the door open for me, which is refreshing. And before we went separate ways he said something... and I can't remember if it was:

Have a nice Christmas if I don't see you before

Or

Have a nice Christmas if I don't see you again...

WHAT ON EARTH does this mean?

Any advice will be much appreciated! :)

[spitvenom]

You might be reading too much into this. He probably didn't want to seem to eager. Give him a call this weekend just to say hi and see if he wants to get something to eat if he is not to busy with getting Christmas gifts and what not.

[roxypox]

Hehe that's what my best friend said. :P I frett too much, I'm not to good at this dating thing. I've never actually dated when I think about it, I've been in two long term relationships...

But thank you! :) I might just do that. He's in the middle of moving though which makes me a little hesitant, b\c I don't want to seem too pushy... and I know he might spend the weekend moving...

[roxypox]

Which is kind of why I thought it was really nice that he wanted to have coffee with me today, b\c he's busy with work and then the whole moving thing... (sorry about the double post :P)

[BlackVY]

Haha... yeah it does sound like your reading too much into it... in AussieLand.. we have a saying here when your saying bye to someone...

Person 1: "Cya when I cya"
Person 2: "Not if I cya first"...

Lol.. I don't know... but that to me seems normal... but people used to say it in the war, just before they went off and some didn't come back...

Anyway, just don't read too much into it... he is just saying it, maybe he is not sure if you like him back and he may think you may not want to see him again... that's a possibility... but just see how it goes... he does seem like a gentleman, opening the door and stuff... and maybe he ain't the type to be very forward or demanding... so I guess if you want, you could gently nudge him into doing things...

[roxypox]

Black: thank you for your input! :)

Yeah I am reading too much into it, mostly b\c I'm not good at this stuff. He really does seem like a gentlemen ;) I like that. And yes I am too hard on myself. I should just relax and not frett about stuff :p

Yeah we have thing like that here in skandinavia as well, he he it doesn't translate well though (from norwegian into english that is)

[kp2171]

Mkay... he has met with you four times... first meeting, again the next day, then the next day, then a few days after.

I think he is interested enough to keep meeting with you... if, after the fourth meeting, I thought "this just isnt right", I wouldn't offer up any words about the future.

Now... there's NO way to tell where he wants this to go. How interested is he. etc.

More info? You met him and then saw him a few times after... how did this go down? Did you ask him? He ask you? Both?

Generally speaking... I think the holidays are a maddening period with a life of their own. I think, if you want, offering him the chance to ask to meet with you is fine... something like "if you want to meet me for lunch on tuesday, im free. let me know"... this places in his hands the next move... it isn't the same as "can you meet me"... its "if you want to see me"...

I know. Sounds like a bunch of mind games.

But if he comes back with "i can't but maybe after the holidays" you know he is intereted but busy with life. If he just says "i cant", you know he is at best distracted and perhaps not interested.

I don't like mind games at all...

But I like the idea of telling another "this door is unlocked if you want to open it" and then seeing what they do.

[roxypox]

mkay... he has met with you four times... first meeting, again the next day, then the next day, then a few days after.

i think he is interested enough to keep meeting with you... if, after the fourth meeting, i thought "this just isnt right", i wouldnt offer up any words about the future.

now... theres NO way to tell where he wants this to go. how interested is he. etc.

more info? you met him and then saw him a few times after... how did this go down? did you ask him? he ask you? both?

generally speaking... i think the holidays are a maddening period with a life of their own. i think, if you want, offering him the chance to ask to meet with you is fine... something like "if you want to meet me for lunch on tuesday, im free. let me know"... this places in his hands the next move... it isnt the same as "can you meet me"... its "if you want to see me"...

i know. sounds like a bunch of mind games.

but if he comes back with "i can't but maybe after the holidays" you know he is intereted but busy with life. if he just says "i cant", you know he is at best distracted and perhaps not interested.

i dont like mind games at all...

but i like the idea of telling another "this door is unlocked if you want to open it" and then seeing what they do.

KP: thank you!

On Friday I was out with a friend of mine and he was out with a friend of his, and we were at tables that were next to each other, they made contact with us first and I thought it was b\c his friend was interested in my friend. (he turned out to have a girlfriend)

But then I went to the bathroom and when I got back my seat was taken so I sat down next to the guy in question and we talked and hit it of, had a lot of fun and we exchanged numbers.

The next day he sent me a message and told me that he had fun hanging out with me and he wouldn't mind doing it again and then later on Saturday we sent some messages back and forth and decided to meet and we hung out and on Sunday we ate lunch not to far from where I live and he drove me home afterwards.

I initiated the meeting today. I asked if he wanted to grab some coffee a day this week.

Yeah holidays are pretty hectic, he's going to be in the city where we both live and I'm going to my hometown, a hour and a half away, I'm leaving on Monday and I return the weekend after. And I really don't have time to meet him until after the holidays myself, and then its new years and well yeah... and this weekend I have plans tomorrow with a girlfriend of mine, and with another girlfriend on Saturday... and I'm going to a concert on Sunday. Life ;)

I like your suggestions though! I don't like mind games either... but it sounds reasonable and it really is like saying the door is unlocked if you want to use it... :)

[kp2171]

Well, like I said... at this point its hard to tell a player who knows how to manipulate from an honest guy who isn't sure, but interested.

But id say there's a really high chance he is interested, whatever his motivation.

[roxypox]

That's true, it really is too early to see if he is a player.

Thank you for your advice! I really DO appreciate it! :)

[kp2171]

At this point you know he seems to be interested enough to chase you a bit... which is a good thing usually.

You might want to give him that "open door" to meet with you in the next couple of weeks and then see what he does.

Granted... its still hard to differentiate from the guy who is willing to work you for his desires versus the guy who is legitimately interested in you... but honestly... I've seen too many bored by the guy who isn't willing to take a leap or make an effort... sometimes you need to risk wasting time on a guy to find out the truth... but make him chase you a little, even if you just let him know that the chase is available.

[roxypox]

Thank you! I agree with you, it is better to have wasted your time and find out the truth, rather siting on your hands doing nothing... :)

I'll def. take your advice!

[kp2171]

Deal.

If he turns out to be all that and a bag of chips, you can buy me a drink. Jack and coke works just fine. A good red or white is fine. Love wildfires (tequilla and tabasco shots) but they catch up to you in short time.

If I'm wrong, its not the first time. Ill buy first round. What's your poison?

Not all guys are like me, so I can't talk for all. But I've always been most attracted to women whod push me to the wall when needed.

Now, my point Isn't to be something you aren't... its to be whomever you are and be willing to let him walk away because of it. I cringe every time I read a "how do i keep him from leaving" post when the woman is trying to twist, turn, and distort herself into whatever mental pretzel she thinks her guy likes to try to keep him there.

Ick to that.

Find your comfort zone and LIVE there.

If he runs away in record time, fine. If you give him an opening to invite you and he takes it, great. If he doesn't, great. You have an answer.

When I'm old I'm likely not going to regret the things I did poorly... it's the things I never took a chance on or the times I wasn't true to myself that will gnaw at me. Risk for dumb reasons isn't noble... but worrying and fretting about things you can't control is distracting at best.

Try your best to just hold your line and keep on track. If he's compatible and interested, great.

Mkay... enough pep talk.

You know where you are and what you can do. Sounds like you have your head about you. Hope he does too. If not... oh well... there's only a few billion more guys around to pick from.

'nite.

thank you! i agree with you, it is better to have wasted your time and find out the truth, rather siting on your hands doing nothing.... :)

i'll def. take your advice!

[roxypox]

Fernet branco! Or captain morgan!

I like that. I'm not going to regret the things I did poorly when I'm old either, my grandma made sure of that attitude (she's in her 70s and regrets never going for some guy she was in love with, she settled for my grandpa, which is lucky for me seeing as it brought me to the world) risks makes me shaky, and unsettled, but in the end I always end up jumping into it good or bad...

Thank you for your confidence! And for throwing some humor into the mix ;)

[roxypox]

Okay so now I'm much calmer about this, and I have stopped my worrying and reached the conclusion that make or break... it'll be fine.

Oh and I sent him a text, thanking him for yesterday, wishing him a good weekend and good luck with the moving. If he needs a break from the moving stress, I'm available for lunch on Sunday.

:)

[roxypox]

By the way the guy hasn't answered, and not that I'm stressed out! b\c he's busy with moving and well life I assume, and he might have forgotten to answer or well whatever (hehe the rational thought are many I'm not going to list them all :p) besides I lost my phone yesterday... which sucks, in and of it self, so if he answered before I got a new phone (I bought one earlier today and have a new sim card and the same number.)

Anyway, how long should I wait until I just drop the whole thing? I'm not going to contact him if he doesn't answer.


But how many days should I give him if he doesn't answer until I like yeah move on?

Lol

Thanks ;)

[roxypox]

I got a txt. Form the guy where he updated me on the moving, he told me he had a nice time the other day, but that he was busy moving tomorrow so he couldn't have lunch, but he would love to see me some other time. :)

[kp2171]

Well, that's sounds balanced and realistic.

Not the clingy, needy guy who will need validation every second your are with him and even worse when you are out of sight.

And not the guy who will do whatever he pleases without any consideration for you and your feelings.

He has a life and he seems to have honest, healthy interest... granted... you still are just one step up from strangers, but still... sounds like a good start to me.

[roxypox]

Thanks for your post KP. Its nice to have a mans opinion on this.

Yeah it does seem balanced and realistic, which is nice.

And seeing as we hardly know each other its nice that he is not clingy and demanding, because that would freak me out.

[BlackVY]

Sounds like things are going OK... its all still new and you are still getting to know each other a little more... yeah it takes time, but go slow and take it easy.. enjoy this stage... :)