[varitek33]

Hi everyone, I'm 19 and I gave my virginity to a guy that I really care for, I'm very happy with him. I love being with him. But when we have sex there's nothing here for me. Honestly I really don't feel anything. The first time we had sex I had a little discomfort, buy no blood, no pain. Now we have sex up to 2 times a day. We have been together for 4 months. Is there something wrong with me? Sometimes when we have sex I can feel something but right when it starts to feel really good he stops, or he finishes. That's happened about 3 or 4 times. Also he always asks me to give him oral sex. ALWAYS. At first I didn't mind, but now its like do I have to? He has never tried oral sex on me. He barely touches me down there. Is there something wrong with my sex drive? Is there something that I can do?
Thanks for your comments:)

[SimpleguyJoe]

I would say your sex drive is fine. If it's not feeling good it would be normal to not want to do it all the time.

Some girls just are not as sensitive with penitration. Tell him to go down on you or to use his fingers a tad bit more. For some girls it takes direct clitoral stimulation. It might take some time before you learn how to make it feel good. But you know what they say practice makes perfect. Just remember for couples the bedroom needs to be fair if your not getting what you need either should he.

[varitek33]

I would say your sex drive is fine. If it's not feeling good it would be normal to not want to do it all the time.

Some girls just are not as sensitive with penitration. Tell him to go down on you or to use his fingers a tad bit more. for some girls it takes direct clitoral stimulation. It might take some time before you learn how to make it feel good. But you know what they say practice makes perfect. Just remember for couples the bedroom needs to be fair if your not getting what you need either should he.

Although he has not done oral with me, he has done a things with his fingers. When he does play with my clitoris, it does feel good, but I can't stand it. Its not that I don't want him to, it just makes my body jump around and it makes it hard on him to continue.

[KBC]

Yes there are things you can do.

As Joe said,you need what he is getting,satisfaction!

If you aren't happy with sex twice a day,why have it at all? Right?

YOU need to communicate your needs and desires.Maybe you don't know what they are,I don't know.

I understand the first time not being totally blissful,but the question arises,how well do you know your own body?How can you express to him your needs if you don't know what they are?

I suggest you explore your own body before you expect him to satisfy it.Then you can explain what you need clearly.

AND!! If this much sex is a daily thing,I sure hope there is protection! Would you be able to care for a child in 9 months if the condom broke or failed?

So much can go wrong and you just started to be sexually active and you don't know your own needs and desires.This leads to a life with little time to find out what they are if a child is produced.

Sorry to sound condescending,I lived that life I am explaining to you,sex at a young age, I thought love would prevail(it turned out to be lust)2 kids and a 10 year mistake.(bitter divorce)

I didn't think things through and my kids are paying the price for my ignorance.

I guess you should make your own choices here,but you can't expect him to know how to please you if the communication isn't there for him,no one I know can read minds,and even if he could,what would he read?

[varitek33]

Yes there are things you can do.

As Joe said,you need what he is getting,satisfaction!

If you aren't happy with sex twice a day,why have it at all? right?

YOU need to communicate your needs and desires.Maybe you don't know what they are,I don't know.

I understand the first time not being totally blissful,but the question arises,how well do you know your own body?How can you express to him your needs if you don't know what they are?

I suggest you explore your own body before you expect him to satisfy it.Then you can explain what you need clearly.

AND!!! If this much sex is a daily thing,I sure hope there is protection! Would you be able to care for a child in 9 months if the condom broke or failed?

So much can go wrong and you just started to be sexually active and you don't know your own needs and desires.This leads to a life with little time to find out what they are if a child is produced.

Sorry to sound condescending,I lived that life I am explaining to you,sex at a young age, I thought love would prevail(it turned out to be lust)2 kids and a 10 year mistake.(bitter divorce)

I didn't think things through and my kids are paying the price for my ignorance.

I guess you should make your own choices here,but you can't expect him to know how to please you if the communication isn't there for him,no one I know can read minds,and even if he could,what would he read?

Thank you for your comment! I do think that me not knowing my body is a big part of it. I never tried masturbation. I just felt funny doing it, it was awkward for me. Also I am very self conscious.

We do use condoms, and I am on birth control. I got it before we started having sex. If we don't have condoms then we don't have sex. I've stressed that to him. He didn't have one once and I wouldn't have sex with him. The next day he bought several packs. Currently he has his own little collection. Ha ha.

I have another addition to my post. Last night we did have sex, and I sort of think that I might have had a orgasm. There was two times where I couldn't take it anymore and I pushed him off, and I started shaking and my knees went weak. I was breathing very fast, I could see my heart pounding through my chest. Then there was another time, it felt warm, my whole body went warm and numb. It felt like warm water was rushing through my veins.

For my opinion I think last night was the best sex that we have ever had. It went on for about 2 hours. After we finished I could barely move. When I started walking my knees kept going weak(I have bad knees from being a cheerleader). Something else happened on his behalf. As I was getting dressed we were talking and he was talking about how tired he was. He dove into this bed and I started to hear him breathing hard, he was shaking, like quivering. I called his name and he didn't say anything, so I went over to him and I shook him a couple of times and he woke up. He didn't remember our conversation and didn't know how he got back on the bed. Did he faint? Is that common? After sex like that to faint? I admit I was a little "loosey goosey" but not to the point of fainting.

Did I have a orgasm? Did he faint?

I'm sorry the comment is so long!

Thank you for your input!

[Synnen]

If you've had an orgasm, you'll KNOW it. Believe me.

What you're describing is that point right BEFORE the orgasm. As long as it isn't painful, then you should figure out what needs to happen to push you over the edge.

[Rohin Arora]

Well there is quite a possibility of the things happening that happened with you.sometimes one partner tires more easily than the other.

There is nothing to worry as long it doesn't happen again.if it persists for long time,then it's a thing to worry.

There may be reasons for this.He may be over driving himself to please you.
I will say getting pleased in sex isn't more important being satisfied in the relation.You both should know how the other person feels.

There is no point in driving the car if the engine is already hot more than it sholu be.Same is with our body.Never make it work more than it can handle.For one or two times,it can work,but it will be proven harmful in the long run.

If the problem with him still continues,consult a doctor.

And where as the problem of your orgasm is concerned,you might had it because you are saying that you have enjoyed it immensely.And many a times,its very difficult to enjoy sex without having orgasm.

[roxypox]

I think its pretty natural to be self conscious about masturbation, I used to be. And I guess if you don't masturbate, then it prob will be uncomfortable when he goes down on you or stimulates your clitoris.

But you should try to masturbate and figure out what works for you, what feels good, and how you can achieve an orgasm.

Do you feel aroused before you have sex? If not you could try to have longer foreplays...

[varitek33]

i think its pretty natural to be self conscious about masturbation, i used to be. and i guess if you don't masturbate, then it prob will be uncomfortable when he goes down on you or stimulates your clitoris.

but you should try to masturbate and figure out what works for you, what feels good, and how you can achieve an orgasm.

do you feel aroused before you have sex? if not you could try to have longer foreplays...

I do feel aroused before sex. I don't think I have a problem in that area.

We had sex again last night, and I'm finding it more pleasurable. But once again I did not have a orgasm. But after having sex, my body was weak. I just wanted to lay there, I wasn't really tired but I just didn't have the energy to move. Through out the night I had no energy at all. We put in a movie and I fell asleep in the opening credits. Also when I woke up this morning I felt the same, I just wanted to hit SNOOZE and roll over and go back to sleep.

Is this common after sex? Or is this just another addition to my sex life?

Thanks for all the posts:)

[Choux]

You need to find your orgasmic capacity by yourself... thru masturbation... and develop yourself. :)

Get a good simple book on the subject and take time with yourself two or three times a week.

Good Luck!

[varitek33]

UPDATE!!!!

I just wanted to share with Ask Me, I still have not experienced a orgasm yet. He still has not performed oral on me. I have played around with it and he just kinda looked at me and laugh playfully and said that it was an idea. I kinda don't think he wants to do oral on me. I'm not sure.

Also recently he has been initiating sex a lot lately. For jokes I named his area Bob and the Ted's. But we will be talking and he will bring up Bob out of no where! Or he will bring my hand towards him and want me to play with him. So one day I was like enough with BOB! I told him that I don't our relationship to be just about Bob. So I told him that I wanted to take a break from Bob for a couple of days. He said that he wasn't mad, but he was I think. But with those couple of days all I heard about was Bob! "Oh Bob hurts! Bob is lonely! Bob wants to play!" It ended up to be 3 days. He went a whole 3 days with out anything. I gave in with a guilt trip.

I told him once that I wasn't in the mood and he tried to get me to do oral, I told him again that I didn't feel like it. He just kept going and going and I stood my ground, no. He did a huffy breath and rolled his back to me. Then for the rest of the night he was all GRRR to me.

I guess where I'm getting to is I'm starting to think that Bob is ruining our relationship. When we are together around friends I love him, but when we are alone together for more then 2 hours its "Bob Time."

I think I'm getting out of the whole sex thing because I'm frustrated with not having an orgasm. Its got to the point where I'm starting to despise sex.

Advise? Thanks so much!

[ITstudent2006]

Although this is not my area of expertise ( well actually I don't actually have an area :))
The topic caught my attention because your scenario sounds a lot lik mine was when my fiancé and I started dating.

I was her first therefore she never had an orgasm before me (she had never felt comfortable masturbating) when we would do it I would be winded because it never seemed that she enjoyed it as much as I did. We talked about it and we came to the realization that she doesn't know how it should feel since she's never climaxed.

Long story short! I believe you have to know how to get somewhere before someone else take syou there. Or else you're taking a hot in the dark!

I would look into trying it yourself, know how your body reacts to different stimulation and movements. Know how it feels at the beginning, middle and end. Know what your clitoris feels like and your g-spot , etc... I am sure you're picking up what I am laying down right?

Keep us posted!


P.S. My fiancé and I are fine now :) :)

[Synnen]

Honey--if it's ALWAYS about Bob time, then he's with you for the sex.

If he can't shut up about Bob, take the pressure off you (and he IS pressuring you--if you're not in the mood, then he needs to back the hell off), and work on what it takes to get YOU there, together, then he's not worth keeping.

[varitek33]

I talked to him about "Bob" and I basically told him what I said in my last post. He apologized and said that he never meant for it to be like that. He told me that if I ever felt that way again just to tell him, which I should have done to begin with. And I do think that it helped.

Tonight we had sex. No it wasn't like our regular sex, it was different. We talked, we expressed our feelings, told each other what we liked.

We started with foreplay, although he did not perform oral but he kissed his way down and used his fingers. It felt really good, but no orgasm. When we started to have sex, we started slow. Then we gradually became faster. We tried new positions. Even on a bar stool.

BUT STILL NO ORGASM!

What is wrong!? It felt amazing! I felt everything. There was times where I felt like there should be an orgasm, but it never came!

Does anyone have any tips or different positions that we could try to maybe trigger something?

ANYTHING?

Thanks again!

[Synnen]

The only way you're going to learn how to push yourself over to orgasm is to masturbate.

And honey---if you're thinking about getting to orgasm while you're having sex, you're not going to get there. It's like the second you think "omg, is it going ot happen?" you tense up a bit in anticipation and BAM! You just lost that intense feeling you'd had a second ago.

It's not ABOUT the orgasm. You can't treat it like it is. It's about the connection and how good it feels on the way to orgasm. When you make it about the destination and not the journey, you're going to get lost on the way.

[varitek33]

I have tried masturbation recently, and I believe that I reached an orgasm. But I guess I'm expecting fireworks or something. I didn't have the fireworks or anything like that. But I did climax. I didn't use a vibrator, I just did clitoral stimulation.

I'm just expecting fireworks when I have a orgasm during sex. But if it is the feeling that I had during masturbation then I have orgasm during sex.

I think that we have a great connection. Last night in my opinion was the best connection that we've had during sex.

I don't know anymore, maybe all this time I have reached a orgasm during sex. I'm just expecting more I guess. But if what I experienced was a orgasm, I have only reached that point I would say about 3 times.