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talaniman · Dec 8, 2008, 09:57 AM

Mom, your so right as the time he puts into getting her, he could have gotten himself to a healthy place, and be happy already.

tabbarat · Dec 8, 2008, 10:05 AM

She sent me a message today... it is a religious holiday... so she sent me a message wishing me a good holiday

I didn't reply...

Its going to take more than that for me to consider talking to her/replying

Mom of 2 · Dec 8, 2008, 10:13 AM

Your doing the right thing Tab. You are absoulely right in what you are doing. Start focusing on yourself. Be careful not to focus too much on partying because that is just a diversion. You need to do a lot of introspection at this time. Focus on work and the good things in life, think long and hard about what you want out of life and go for it full throttle. Relationships should never make you what you are. They should only add to your life. If you are in a relationship that creates a lot of stress for you, then maybe the relationship is not worth it. Something to think about.

tabbarat · Dec 8, 2008, 02:40 PM

Yeah.. I know I am doing the right thing...

"she will only know ur value when she misses u"... I guess she was getting comfortable knowing that she was never going to lose me... so NC it is... I need to let the "emotional dust settle"... (funny how I'm using the advice of 3 months ago, now)

I know that I am still angry and disappointed... it's still too soon for me to talk to her... so I am going to do my own thing and not think about her a lot (try to)... if she wants to contact its her business, but I'm not putting anymore effort

If I contact her now, she will take it as weakness...

I also have to try avoiding the places I might bump into her (mall, gym, etc)

We'll see how it turns out

liz28 · Dec 8, 2008, 05:03 PM

Wow Tab, I never thought I would hear you said that.

friend4u178 · Dec 8, 2008, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

Wow Tab, I never thought I would hear you said that.

Words are cheap Liz , lets hope Tab backs them up with his actions!!

tabbarat · Dec 8, 2008, 06:44 PM

Originally Posted by friend4u178

Words are cheap Liz , lets hope Tab backs them up with his actions !!!

I guarantee you that I will not be the one to initiate contact... no way... I wouldn't even know what to call and say! And I know that if I'm the one to call, especially after her lying to me and being caught red-handed, it will be taken as a weakness

I won't call and I will avoid seeing her and I will try to stop thinking/caring about her... that is for sure

Nothing like seeing the girl you love lying to you in front of your face and walking into a hotel at 1.30 am to wake you the fcuk up!

And even her contacting me won't be easy... she sent a nice message wishing me a happy holiday, and I didn't reply... any contact from her that does not involve some sort of sign that she will stop with the games and lying and be serious, will not be respnded to lightly

I didn't mind before because we both agreed to an open relationship, and there was no commitment... but I don't like being lied to... from anyone... especially to my face... her lying to me so she can go see him is a whole new ball game that I didn't want to be a part of

So we'll see how it goes

Mom of 2 · Dec 16, 2008, 12:30 AM

It's been about a week now without any posts. How's it going?

TrueFaith · Dec 16, 2008, 01:00 AM

I hope he is doing well I'm sure he is

Where are you brown bear?

Mom of 2 · Dec 16, 2008, 01:05 AM

Yes, I also hope he is doing well. I'm taking it that no news is good news.

Stay strong, Tab. We know you can do it.

tabbarat · Dec 16, 2008, 03:59 AM

Well... this is what happened... after her messaging me and me not answering, she called a couple of times... I still didn't answer...

Then she shows up at my house! So I of course invite her in...

She kept on saying that she was sorry and that she didn't lie and that she did go end it with the watch guy, etc...

Then she started saying how much she missed me and doesn't want to lose me and loves me etc...

I was still cold... I told her look "we are not husband and wife, and we are not bf and gf...so u can do what u want, and i can do what i want...but i dont accept being lied to...from anyone...there is no reason for it...lying means disrespect and i never accept being disrespected by anyone, even my family...so then why would i accept it from u..."

She agreed, again said she didn't lie and went to end it, and now its over... and no more lying and she only wants me, etc...

After talking for about an hour, we got hungry... so we went to eat smthg... the whole time she was trying to hug me and kiss me and hold my hand, but I resisted

So finally when I was taking her home in the car... she went "crazy"... she started kissing my neck and trying to turn me on, etc..

So, whether it was a good thing or not, I played with it... so I took her back to my place and we had wild, passionate, yet also kinky love ;)

Then we spent the whole weekend together... meaning she lived with me for 2 days... we spent 55 hrs together! For some reason, it feels like we fell for each other all over again (either guilt, or because she felt like she lost me and realized she has to change)

Since then (about 5 days), its like we are husband and wife... sometimes living together, the talk of the future sometimes comes up, and we had a talk, and we are going to be exclusive... she said she only wants me and wants to see where it goes with us, and I told her that I would cut out the tamales/girls that call me and want smthg

So I guess, we are now in an exclusive relationship... I am happy of course... this past week has been great... we feel like we're on a honeymoon or smthg... I even took a day off work to spend it with her and we went to a spa in a nice hotel and spent the day and night together

Don't get me wrong, though, my guard is still up... bc I am worried that maybe she is a fickle person, and this past week might just be a phase... maybe I'm paranoid, maybe I'm not... im happy, but my guard is up

I'm glad we are in an exclusive relationship now, and no longer this grey/open relationship/we can do what we want/lying kind of thing

Now I feel like it was with my ex of 5yrs.. like we are a team...

So no more lying, no more open relationship, and now we are a normal couple that tell each other "i love you" and spend nights together and talk of future sometimes

So far so good... let us enjoy it for now and see where it goes

OK.. now let me have it! :) I'm interested to get your opinions

talaniman · Dec 16, 2008, 07:48 AM

You may not believe this, but all I want is for people who come here to leave with finding happiness, and not bust their head against a brick wall.

You always had the power to stop the games, you just didn't use it. Don't play games, in a relationship honest communications is always the key, to working together to build a life that you enjoy, and be happy. Without it, you don't have a real relationship.

wikedjuggalo · Dec 16, 2008, 09:25 AM

Lol man... You should have listened XD would have ended awhile ago

asking · Dec 16, 2008, 09:55 AM

Sounds good to me. Keep your word about the tamales, not just actual sleeping with them, but going out with them and even flirting with them. I'm less suspicious of your girlfriend than some others here. Good luck!

tabbarat · Dec 16, 2008, 04:59 PM

Thanks guys... yeah, we are very happy now... we went to a friends birthday party tonight, and everyone there could see us happy together; holding hands, hugging, dancing close, etc

And of course no more tamales... if she is REALLY SINCERE about being exclusive and ready to be steady, then I will give up even looking at tamales ;)... bc I am always faithful to my GIRLFRIEND (unlike before when it was open)

But smthg kind of "bothered" me today... not really bothered, but I got the "typical guy feeling"

She mentioned the word marriage! I would love to marry her if things stay great, and we are steady and regain our trust and communication, etc... maybe lets say in a year or so (im 27, she's 25)... but she mentioned marriage as smthg closer than that... like months! :S

Trust me, I'm not being ungrateful... but call me crazy... shouldnt we take it slow, especially after all we've been through? Am I right or am I right? ;)

Anyway, maybe she was just "drunk on emotions" or champagne ;)

We'll see... but right now, we're happy, and going to take it slow for a while

friend4u178 · Dec 16, 2008, 05:04 PM

After all this drama I would definitely take it slowly.

asking · Dec 16, 2008, 05:38 PM

Yes.

But that doesn't mean withdrawing emotionally. No need to keep your guard up. Getting hurt is part of the process... :)

TrueFaith · Dec 16, 2008, 06:41 PM

See where everything takes you take it day by day.

You have fought for 5months to get her just to yourself.

Must say. I would have given up 5 months ago.
But you are there now and all the best.

Lets hope you both get what you want.

talaniman · Dec 16, 2008, 09:58 PM

If things are good in two years, talk about it.

Why would your guard be up?

tabbarat · Dec 17, 2008, 02:13 AM

Well we had about 4 months of a relationship, then 4 months of an open relationship, and now back to a relationship... and she was always hesitant about being serious, and just 10 days ago she was dating another guy, etc... so even though now we had a talk and are finally decided to be exclusive and discuss the future, a part of me is still a bit cautious or wanting to take it slow...

Anyway, going to enjoy, and we'll see where it goes... ur right, take it day by day, and no marriage before at least 1 yr :)

Thanks and we'll keep in touch