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    Sassy45's Avatar
    Sassy45 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Dec 14, 2008, 10:07 AM
    BF says confused about ex but still wants contact with me.
    I met this guy a year ago, he admitted he had girlfriend of 2 1/2 years. Our relationship started just talking over the phone and we realized we were compatible, and had a lot in common. Over the months we talked a lot on the phone and see each other every now and then, but somehow in the process I started having feelings for him and according to him he felt the same. He said he wanted out of the relationship with current girlfriend, but it did not appear to me that he was really trying to end it. It just seems that he wanted his cake and eat it to. So I ended it no contact on my part. However he never stop calling me, not as often as we used to talk which is daily but just to check up on me. He says he understood my position, that I deserved more and right now he could not give more. Fast forward... He called one day to advised they had broken up and he explained what happen as if it was a mutual agreement between the both of them. We started to talking again and before long it seemed we just picked up where we left off except we were spending a lot more time together. Our relationship was fine, we got along well we had fun together the sex was great all the makings of good relationship until the ex saw us out together and wanted to work things out with him. Some things transpired that made me question him about having some unresolved issues about his ex, he admitted he still had some feelings for her but was torn because he had feelings for me to. We talked and argue over this because I felt he mislead me or treated me like the rebound girl he swears this is not the case, he really has feelings for me, but it appears he wants some time to work this out, so I ended it. He says he values our friendship I am not so sure, but three days after I breakup he is calling again saying he misses me, misses talking me, and that we need to talk. I care about him I thought we had a good thing going, but I am about moving forward and it seems he is still dipping in his past. Is he really confused about, or do I just need to cut him off at the throat.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #2

    Dec 14, 2008, 10:20 AM
    Talaniman Rule- Leave people who are still in love with the ex alone.

    Talaniman Rule- Leave people who are fresh from a break up alone.

    Talaniman Rule- Leave people who are IN a relationship alone.

    No way should you even be talking to him. Sorry.
    southerngalps's Avatar
    southerngalps Posts: 1,334, Reputation: 112
    Ultra Member
     
    #3

    Dec 14, 2008, 11:18 AM

    Keep no cotact. Leave him alone until he is 100% sure he wants to move on with you. Tell him you can't be with him until he knows. He should understand you are protecting your best interest.

    As talaniman said, never get involved (in anyway) with someone in a relationship. Someone always gets hurt.
    DeleteAndBan's Avatar
    DeleteAndBan Posts: 39, Reputation: 3
    Junior Member
     
    #4

    Dec 14, 2008, 11:46 AM

    Asking someone to contact you when they are 100% sure is also not a solution in my eyes.

    They will convince themselves that they are to get what they want (the filling of some emotional need) and 6 months later they will drop the bomb on you anyway, claiming they THOUGHT they were ready but are not really. This is unfortunately from personal experience.

    When someone has any feelings with their ex whatsoever I would stay as far away as possible, no matter what they claim afterwards.

    Follow the rules! (talanimans :P)
    starbuck8's Avatar
    starbuck8 Posts: 3,128, Reputation: 734
    Gone, But Not Forgotten
     
    #5

    Dec 14, 2008, 11:53 AM

    You reap what you sew. Fun and sex aren't the makings of a good relationship. Those are the perks. Trust and respect for one another are the foundation! You started seeing him when he was already in another relationship. He stayed in that relationship for a reason, but when it ended, the first thing he did was call you!

    He's treating you like rebound girl, because you are rebound girl! He may have feelings for you, but he quite obviously still can't resolve his feelings from his 2 and a half yr. relationship! Unless you are a glutton for punishment, I would walk away with some semblance of dignity, before you are more heartbroken. Find a man that isn't attached, and you don't have to worry about these problems.

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