[tangerinejoy]

I've never done this sort of thing before... so please be patient as I'm a newbie.

Would you date an ex boyfriend that now has baggage?

I fell in love with allen when I was 17. He was one year older than me in school. We went to the same high school followed by the same college; even though he wasn't really the college type. I was always a goal-orientated person and completing college & beginning a career were my top priority. His top priority was being married and having children. We dated for a couple of years, all good times (we loved intensly and we argued just as intense... nothing unusual - just two kids in love) we broke up and he dropped out of college, we got back together and pulled the long distance action for a while. But the reality of our breakup was that we were both stubborn, he wanted to settle down and I was ready to experience college. It was a pretty devastating breakup, and to be completely honest (and vein) I thought I could feel something as special as what we had with the next guy (the college grad one... not anyone particular, just the next one); this was extremely important to me at that time... the college grad part.

There was no communication between the two of us for a long time. A couple years had past, and I sent an email and the response claimed to be from his wife & it rudely informed me they were expecting. The email was pretty clear not to contact him again & it ended by saying 'go break some more guys hearts'. I followed their wishes and never tried communicating to him again. That was almost 5 years ago.

Well, years have past and life moves on. I graduated college... single. I went back to school for another degree and met a nice young man, anthony. I married anthony a few years later. I'm not sure why I married him, part of me thinks he was the closest thing I had found to allen as none of my other boyfriends after allen even compared. Turns out, anthony wasn't allen... and certainly not as nice anyway; he hit me a couple of times... didn't take me long to leave that situation. So I took time after the divorce to really focus on me & my life. I was single for about a year before I even considered dating again; and I dated a couple people very casually since then. This is when I got the call out of the blue. It's allen.

He found me. He's been divorced 6 months. His wife cheated on him. They have two little ones together. He tells me he's never stopped thinking about me, I say the same (why lie... I never thought I'd ever talk to him again). After several talks on the phone, we meet up, have a couple drinks, we really seem to click. Ironically, we've both gotten what we wanted out of life; I have a successful career & he has two children. We just don't have each other.

Then he asks me how we're going to do this, he means dating. I don't know. I feel like God's given me a second chance, after I've had some time to grow up and experience what I've needed to. I've never dated anyone with children before. And this isn't just anyone, this is my ex! Someone who used to be my best friend.

Part of me feels like this could be one of the greatest love stories of our time... but the other part of me is hesitant because this is out of my comfort zone with the kids and all. I don't have a problem with children, I want some someday. I'm just confused. What would you do if you were in my shoes... would you go for it? Or would you close this chapter in your life and move on dating child-less people? Please advise!

[N0help4u]

Sounds like a second chance.
An ex wife and kids are not baggage
Look at it more as an extended family.
Extra baggage is more like if the ex wife is always creating problems
Give it a chance it may well be worth it and often kids are a blessing.

[brokeherheart]

I feel like the adage from Richard Bach "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." is the best thing to say in this situation; that being said, if you still love the person and feel you can spend the rest of your life Loving and arguing intensely with them I would say it was meant to be. You have accomplished the things you couldn't with him in your life and he has done the same, now you can be together and have even less opposite goals in life, I am by no means saying I am a love guru or know 1/10th of what most people here do, just my 2 cents!

[Fr_Chuck]

What is the issue with a "ex" and children, if this was the guy from home depo would you still date him,?

If being a step mom is an issue, having the children at your home latter on weekends, having him have to talk to the ex about the kids on a regular basis, if you can't handle it, don't start.