[ScottGem]

Thought I would get some feedback on this issue.

We sent out holiday cards as we do every year. In the last two days we got back two cards that indicated that one of the addresses has died. One went in may the other in August. In one case, the survivor is a first cousin of my mother's. Obviously we are not hugely close, but we do include them on our holiday list and we have corresponded over the years. In the other case, it was the father of my best man from my wedding. Again we had drifted apart over the years, but were very close at one time.

What I'm not sure of is how to acknowledge this news. Should we wait until after the holidays? Do we send a sympathy card for an event that happened months ago? I don't want to ignore it, but I'm not sure how to handle it.

[starbuck8]

That's a tough one Scott. Have you already spoken on the phone or in person with the family members of these people since you have found out the news? If not, I might suggest a personal condolence call instead of a card? Or, a call before C'mas and then a card after. I'm sure the families are going to be well aware of the absence of their loved one at Christmas, but I don't know if a holiday card, and a sympathy card at the same time, would be best.

On the other hand, if you do send a condolence card now, I would maybe include a note stating that you are sorry for the poor timing of your card, but you felt that you wanted to acknowledge and send your sympathies sooner than later. Maybe it would help them to know that you are thinking of their families who are missing their loved one at Christmas.

That probably really didn't help a whole lot did it. Sorry, that's the best I could come up with. Whichever way you decide, I'm sure they will be happy that you thought of them.

[DoulaLC]

I'd do the same... send a sympathy card with a hand written note, simply stating that you hadn't been aware of their loss and how very sorry you are. Letting them know you are thinking about them, especially at this time of year, will mean a lot.