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cherrylove · Dec 3, 2008, 09:53 AM

Entire story merged

OK bare with me.. I have a guy best friend and he wanted to go out with me I told him no I didn't want to ruin 22 years of friendship well he got a girlfriend.. I started working with him and met his cousin who I like a lot.. he got mad at first but is OK now.. so anyway me and this guy have been hanging out for about a month and I really like him I have brought it up to him and he says that he likes me too however he says he don't want to date because of his cousin (my best friend) he don't want to hurt him and he tells me that he still cares for his ex and don't want to hurt me.. but when he's with me he's flirting and he holds me kisses me talks about sex he's real cuddly he has a bad track record he use to be what they call a player. But he tells me he's not like that anymore and he shares information about himself with me. I know he wants to have sex with me and when I said something about being just another number he got mad. I don't know what to do I don't know if he's just trying to have sex with me or if he really does like me he contradicts himslef please help thanks

ZoeMarie · Dec 3, 2008, 10:45 AM

Sounds like he got mad because you called him out on his BS. If he's already talking about sex but doesn't want to commit to a relationship, still has feelings for his ex, then it sounds like he's still a player.

JBeaucaire · Dec 3, 2008, 10:56 AM

Sex and dating have and always will be a bad combination. Statistically speaking. But it's going to continue, so... what can you do?

Young men want sex. Stop debating that in your head. All you need to do is know what YOU want and act responsibly.

If you want to have a sexual relationship with this guy, you can. You don't NEED his undying, forever-committed promise to do that. You can just have fun with him. I don't recommend this, but you can do it.

It's perfectly fine for you to be more level-headed than the guys you date. When you discover they really are sex-oriented, which is common, that doesn't need to cause you to doubt their other interest in you as well. Their sex-focus doesn't mean they're also insincere. Some are, mind you, but not all.

We can't tell you if your guy is sincere or not. Deciding to date without sex may help you reveal his true colors more quickly, but that takes maturity and restraint. Not everyone is up to resisting their own urges. Only you can answer that, too.

Short answer (Too Late! ) would be to not put much credence in what he says, only what he does and how he respects your values. And you won't know that for sure in less than a year. So sit back and enjoy the dating process.

cherrylove · Dec 10, 2008, 07:08 PM

OK where do I begin this one well its continued from the last question I had...

So I slipped up after I asked my question I figured that I would just go along with the ride and I did. I had sex with him and well I don't think this is a bad thing but I figured from what everyone told me that after I had sex with him hed be less talkitive and trying so hard well as soon as he left my house I text him and he told me that he missed me already made me feel good anyhow we've been talking about everything we stayed on the computer from 12:30 this morning to 6 thins morning just talking and he seems different but the same like before we had sex if I didn't answer his texts it was no big deal however now he's all like where did you go? I'm just confused does this mean he really does like me its not like the normal where you get played and they leave you alone he's still around jokes he's still sensitive when needed so I'm just confused any advice can anyone help me make sense of this now??

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 07:14 PM

What ages are you?

cherrylove · Dec 10, 2008, 07:16 PM

I'm 23 and he's 28

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 07:18 PM

So what was the story beforehand? How did you meet? Was it your first time? Etc

cherrylove · Dec 10, 2008, 07:20 PM

If u look up cherrylove you'll see it

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 07:21 PM

Ok got it now... was it your first time?

cherrylove · Dec 10, 2008, 07:23 PM

No not at all

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 07:28 PM

Oh right, well it could be either way really. He could really like you but it's suspicious that he got this sudden burst of love after ye had sex. Don't know though, in sort of the same situation myself.

cherrylove · Dec 10, 2008, 07:30 PM

Why what's going on with you

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 07:34 PM

Well I've been friends with this guy for about a year or so. There's always been major sexual tension between us and we acted on it more than once when I was involved, when we were drunk. We worked in a bar together and ended up drinking a lot (not that that's an excuse at all) anyway, continued being friends after I broke the other relationship. We've slept together a few times, but duing to our ability to ignore our situation before we end up doing it all the time i.e. ignoring wahts going on. Don't know what he's thinking, am I easy or does he like me or bla bla bla bla...

cherrylove · Dec 10, 2008, 07:41 PM

There has to be some kind of liking involoved and knowing that you've done it more then once with him seems to me he likes you in my experience guys who play usually get there rocks off the fist time and don't become a repeater at least not that much.. I think that there good chance that he does like you however the best thing to do is ask no one can tell you what he's thinking only he knows that and yea he can lie his way out of it make up something or tell the truth but explain to him how this is effecting you and if he's a friend hell take that into concideration no I don't think that it makes you easy maybe vulnrable or even more that you do really like him hope this helps

neverme · Dec 10, 2008, 07:45 PM

Yeah we talked about it one night and he said that he did like me but that he couldn't get involved he has a lot of stuff to deal with i.e. final ye ar in college, and family stuff etc plus my ex worked with both of us.

Ah to be honest its just worrying because I do really like him, but because of all the complications its probably not a good idea.

Doesn't stop us thou! :p

cherrylove · Dec 14, 2008, 04:53 PM

OK if you go under cherrylove you can read my last questions considering this all has to do with the same thing. My new question is I don't know what to from here its ill call and text him and everything but he barely texts me first... its always me and ill bring and the 3 other boys lunch all the time ill invite him over and he never lets me know in advance so I can possibly make other agrangements I like to go to the bar and have fun he made the remark that he couldn't have a relationship with me cause I'm in the bars to much but my point is I don't have nothing holding me back right now so why not have fun? Anyhow its me doing this and me doing that he doesn't say why don't we hang out or anything like that so I'm pretty sure he's just taking me for a ride and he told me that I have potential to be his girlfriend however he tells me that if a month down the road he meets someone and gets into a relationship or "whatever" then ill be mad and he will lose the friendship... so this guy really doesn't want to be with me does he? Or is he just testing me to see how much I really like him? Thanks for your help

liz28 · Dec 14, 2008, 05:37 PM

I think for now on you should continue the thread you first started since this all relate to the same guy.

In your first thread you stated he has a girlfriend? Does he has one?

You need to step back and view this situation as an outsider. First, all he did was talk about having sex with you and you two fianally did it. I really don't see why the his cousin(your best friend) was brought up as an excuse for your not to take things to the next level by being in a relationship. Your already had sex, again that was only an excuse.

This guy already told you that he doesn't want a relationship with you so there's no need to sit around and wait for him to change his mind. So what if he gets mad if you go out and mingle with others guys, he isn't your man. Next time he gets upset "ask him why does he care".

Your young and there are many avaiable guys out there. Right now your are only friends and if continue to have sex with him, you two would be friends with benefit. Since you have feelings for this guy maybe you shouldn't sleep with him and that complicate things.

Enjoy your single life and move on. No matter what you do it won't change his mind.

I couldn't really understand most of your post so I wrote about the parts I did understand.