What do I do now?

debdoes · Dec 8, 2008, 12:44 PM

I broke the NC on Saturday and I text my ex. It has been over 2 weeks since I last tried to text him and he didn't respond that time. The last time I heard from him was 4 weeks ago and he said all hope is gone, this was the last time I was ever going to hear from him, and I by far had said the meanest stuff to him that he has ever heard. I mailed him a sincere apology letter a couple weeks ago. Anyway... he replied to me yesterday and I didn't think he would because he is very stubborn and I said a lot of stupid things when we broke up and I was very mean. I have felt horrible and I am still really in love with him. I know I messed up and I want to make it better and I want him back. So I'm not sure what to make of him texting me back, after he said I would never hear from him again. We had a little texting conversation, he was pretty short with me for the most part. I wanted to see if he would meet up with me so we could talk. He said he didn't think it was necessary and I made it clear to him by the way I acted that I didn't want a "good" breakup. I apologized again and said I didn't mean those things and he said he understood. So now what? I feel like he is coming around a little bit because he did text me back. Even though he didn't want to meet up with me. Should I give it a couple more weeks and try again? I feel like I have to try again and prove to him how sorry I am. I know he is still hurt and angry but not as much as he was. It gave me hope because he did reply to me. Any comments or suggestions?

ZoeMarie · Dec 8, 2008, 12:49 PM

You guys broke up, now it's time to move on. You've apologized and now there's no real reason to stay in contact. He might also be kicking himself right now because he broke the no contact. So let him be, and worry about yourself. If he didn't want to meet up with you to talk, it doesn't sound like he's interested in getting back together.

debdoes · Dec 8, 2008, 12:59 PM

You're probably right... I am trying to move on, it's been 5 weeks! But I just keep thinking that we could have easily been fixed because we really were good together... so frustrating...

ZoeMarie · Dec 8, 2008, 01:04 PM

Yeah, maybe, but you live and learn. You'll get through this. It's only been 5 weeks. I don't know how long you two were together but it takes time to get over someone, especially if you stay in contact.

Go hang out with friends and have fun, take up a new hobby, cry if you need to but don't dwell on anything.

kctiger · Dec 8, 2008, 01:08 PM

5 Weeks is not a long time, believe me. It has been over three months for me and I am still not fully over it. DO NOT stay in contact. Do everything you have to do to avoid conversation or seeing him. Staying in contact is delaying the inevitable, and it is also throwing salt on a wound that must heal in order for you to enjoy your life. All keeping in contact does is provide hope for a situation that clearly ran out of hope a long time ago! Save yourself the questions and pain.

talaniman · Dec 8, 2008, 09:28 PM

Take the hint, and leave him alone.

Dragonfly1234 · Dec 8, 2008, 10:03 PM

I think Tal is right. I'm sorry to say that he seems to have responded to you out of courtesy, nothing more.

The best things to do and oddly enough (even if I don't like saying this) your best chance at getting him back, is to try and move on and not initiate contact with him anymore.

debdoes · Dec 10, 2008, 11:41 AM

He called me last night... twice. My ringer was off cause I went to bed. Not sure what he wanted. A month ago I was never going to hear from him again, 3 days ago he responded to my text and last night he called twice! That has to give me some hope... how could it not?

kctiger · Dec 10, 2008, 11:42 AM

No, it gives you reason to have hope (more like an excuse), it isn't hope however. There is a difference between the two. He knows that you will start freaking out every time he calls, so he uses this power to mess with you. Don't bite into it.

debdoes · Dec 10, 2008, 11:50 AM

I think you might be wrong there, this is the first time he has called me in almost 6 weeks. He is not the type at all to play mind games with me. I truly think he is starting to miss me. I'm going to try hard NOT to get my hopes up cause it may very well not be anything good. But it still did... : (!

kctiger · Dec 10, 2008, 11:52 AM

Well, maybe you are right. I just hope your experience goes better than mind did. Good luck to you!

debdoes · Dec 10, 2008, 11:54 AM

Thank you! I will keep you posted... and IF I ever get another chance with him, I'm going to be on here all the time to get advice for when I start getting my crazy thoughts back. I need people to set me straight!

debdoes · Dec 15, 2008, 11:31 PM

I got dumped before after 5 years and I was devastated of course... but I moved on really quick. As in 2 weeks quick. I was having a lot of fun. I'm sure I was rebounding but it was fun dating again. One week after getting dumped I did call him and ask him if it really was over. He said yes, and that was the last time I ever bothered him again. So, I just find it odd that I'm having a much harder time this time around with my recent ex. We were together for only 6 months but I loved him like crazy, and I did the dumping! It's been a month and half now that we broke up. I always have the urge to call or text him. And I have a few times (I know, not supposed to do that, but I did). At least he is replting to my texts now, whereas a month ago, he wouldn't. Anyway... I don't really have a question. It just blows my mind that I'm still devastated without the recent ex of 6 months, and the one I was with for 5 years, I got over so quick. (And I did love him just as much) Maybe because I got dumped by the first one and there was nothing I could do about it? And with the recent one, I did the dumping but I know I made a huge mistake? Or am I just getting older (I'm 32) and it bothers me more now?

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 11:34 PM

My guess is that there were things about him that you loved more than your first ex. Maybe you should rethink why you dumped him and where you feel you should go from here.

talaniman · Dec 15, 2008, 11:47 PM

I always have the urge to call or text him. And I have a few times (I know, not supposed to do that, but I did). At least he is replting to my texts now, whereas a month ago, he wouldn't.

Its harder because you have no intentions of moving on, and your still in contact with him.

Just be honest about it.

debdoes · Dec 15, 2008, 11:52 PM

Yeah, that makes sense... I don't want to move on

N0help4u · Dec 15, 2008, 11:54 PM

Yep I think you need to rethink and figure out if maybe you made a mistake in dumping him. Did the things you didn't like about him outweigh the things you did like about him?

debdoes · Dec 16, 2008, 12:02 AM

There wasn't much I didn't like about him. I broke up with him because basically I was an idiot, snapped over nothing and was very immature. Yep, I know it now! He was awesome and treated me good, just didn't see it like I do now. One thing that did bother me a little bit is that I own a house and a car, he doesn't, and I have a college diploma and a university degree (no career job yet), and he only has high school. Which really shouldn't matter, right? I just kind of feel that I have my s**t together. But he is younger than me so he still has lots of time to have all those things

N0help4u · Dec 16, 2008, 12:08 AM

As long as you do not feel like he was using you and you can see that he is doing the best he can I think you should be with him and encourage him to his potential. To look at it like what you have compared to what he doesn't have is making it a materialistic thing.
You can have the wealthiest guy and not have love. Which would you rather have a 'cheap date' that is a keeper with a lot of good memories that are priceless or a million bucks and someone you don't have much feelings for? Follow your heart and if it leads to him ask him to forgive you and give it another chance and promise to make it up to him.

debdoes · Dec 16, 2008, 12:20 AM

No, I don't think he was using me. It might have sounded materialistic, but I'm definitely not in any way. I would much rather have love than money! I did pay for most stuff when we went out but I never cared. I'm a full time bartender so I could sometimes make in a night or 2 what he made in a week. Anyway, that's irrelevant. You're right, none of that should matter because he's a great person! And I'm working on getting him back still. I know it will take time and patience on my part, but he's starting to come around... I think. Slowly...