[ZoeMarie]

This is going to be a really weird question and I really don't know what to think. My brother just called me on his break... crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said he doesn't know but he feels really depressed. I know he's been working a lot of hours and I don't know if stress is playing a part in this at all, but I do know that he does anything for everyone. He's the most selfless person I know, always willing to help other people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that he doesn't seem to take any time for himself. It breaks my heart to see him upset, but how do I find out what's wrong if he doesn't know?

[HistorianChick]

You have to be there for him. Sometimes we all go through periods of break down - you don't have to know what's wrong, you just have to be there.

Be visible, be "there," be conscious of his feelings, don't push him, but have your listening hat on, and make sure he knows that you love him and are going to help him through this.

You're a great sister. He's lucky to have you.

[southerngalps]

Hey zoe:

Do you live near him? If you do, spend as much time with him as possible. I have learned too many times that when someone is depressed do not ignore it.

Talk to him as much as possible.

[ZoeMarie]

Well we live about a half hour away. I told him I'm always there for him. He comes over during the week and I make him dinner since I moved out with my husband to a new house in the first week of October and he's by himself now. I told him I'm coming up to his house tonight so he doesn't have to drive. I know I don't need to figure out what's wrong, but he kind of seems to be asking me if I know. In reality I have no clue. Could be seasonal depression? Could be something about the past creeping up on him?

[HistorianChick]

It could very well be a seasonal depression. This time of year tends to re-awaken all those past problems... and intensify them.

Don't be afraid to ask him what is wrong if you feel that is what he is asking for.

I'm glad that you're being proactive and bringing dinner to him. That is excellent. Being there for him is the best.

[Tuscany]

Just listen to him. Let him talk... lots of times it is talking that makes us feel better. Don't judge his decisions, let him work through it. This is a tough time of year for a lot of people. He could just be feeling overwhelmed. Be there, be his rock.

[ZoeMarie]

I appreciate your help, but there's not really anything to judge him about. I know the best thing to do is just to listen to him, but maybe there's something I'm missing?

[HistorianChick]

Has he had any recent changes in his life? What about last year at this time? Relationship changes? Job issues? Education?

[ZoeMarie]

Well he started seeing a girl a couple months ago, but they seem happy. She actually came over with him last night. I asked him if it had anything to do with her and he said no. no changes that I can think of this time last year. Actually this time last year he wasn't with anyone. I know he isn't thrilled with his job but he doesn't hate it.

[ZoeMarie]

Well I went up to talk to my brother tonight. He's doing much better already. The past few days he couldn't even eat and after talking and some crying we got dinner and he almost finished it. As it turns out, the guys at work always give him a hard time, telling him he's gay. He's not gay, but because He doesn't have the same feelings for the past couple girlfriends that he did with his first he got to thinking that maybe he was actually gay. I felt horrible that he even took what they were saying seriously because he really isn't and these guys just took things too far. I told him he should go to H.R. if something like that is bothering him at work. There were a few other reasons that he was upset though too. I think just a lot of things on his mind at one time. The conversation ended with "I don't know what I'd do without you, Laura" and me saying "I say the same thing about you." which lead to a few more tears but by the end of the night he was smiling again and back to his normal self. I'm just glad that he doesn't bottle things up like my dad does. That only got my dad admitted to the psychiatric dept at the local hospital because he finally had a breakdown.

[neverme]

Glad he's OK.

[ZoeMarie]

Me too. I was worried because he never calls me crying on his breaks.

[neverme]

Who does? It was really a cry for help, I'm so glad that you recognized it and did something about it. There are so many people that do nothing. They talk about it, say how sad it is then just sigh and move on..

[HistorianChick]

Awesome. Glad that you were there for him. :) You're a great sister!

[ZoeMarie]

Well, now this morning he started texting me telling me "i don't want to be here. i can't do this." I asked him if someone was saying anything to him today too and he said "no, there's something wrong with me."

[HistorianChick]

Ok, I hate to say the "h" word, but has he thought about talking to HR about harassment?

[ZoeMarie]

I asked him and he said no, but I am seriously considering calling his work and telling them they better put out a memo about calling people names like "gay" especially when you never know if someone around is. I have friends that are gay and I don't think they'd appreciate being nearby while this is going on.

[HistorianChick]

I know it... that's a thought. But it would have to be an anonymous thing, wouldn't it? I mean, your brother would get called in if it wasn't anonymous...

I'm so sorry about all this... its NOT right.

[ZoeMarie]

Yeah it would have to be anonymous.

[ZoeMarie]

It just really bothers me how much these guys have messed with his head. I have nothing against people who are homosexual, at all. I have a lot of friends that are, but I do know that my brother isn't gay.