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packer04 · Dec 6, 2008, 12:52 AM

Thanks Michele. I have to say he was a real gentleman. There was never no benefits with him. Not that intimate. And that was fine with me, as it was refreshing to find a man that wanted to get to know me. But your'e right. I would like to know what he means by friends. We did things for each other, and he was so nice and so appreciative. Never had anyone that was nice, giving and a gentleman. I just had hopes that he was the guy. I know he never met to hurt me as he was sorry that I was hurt. But he doesn't call or come over as friends would, and I miss him very much. We were so alike and had so much in common. I want him back, but I want him to want me. So I try everyday to forget him, but I can't. I cry everyday cause my heart hurts so much. And it seems like no one wants a nice gal or even wants me. I am just so sad. He meant more to me than anyone realizes. I thought because he was a truly nice guy, I wouldn't get hurt again. I find him and I can't seem to have him want me. Wish I knew what the answer is. I am just so confused by him telling me one thing and then he's gone. Feelings, don't they come with time or do we have that spark right away? Thanks a lot.

talaniman · Dec 6, 2008, 06:00 AM

Michelle is right, as your investing too much to fast, and he is not. For whatever reason he doesn't want what you want. Cheer up, leave him alone for a while, and as he came along so will some one else. Don't hold on for more when there is none. All things happen, in their own time and way.

packer04 · Dec 7, 2008, 06:23 PM

I know I invested time, but I really liked him, more than I thought. And I haven't called him as I was hoping he would call me. He said he wanted friendship, so I am to assume he is not being truthfil there or is friends with a man not the same as with a woman. So your all saying there is no hope that this guy would even want me, even as a friend. Just gets real depressing when your aways alone. Friends and everything I do doesn't make up for all the loneliness. Thanks.

packer04 · Dec 8, 2008, 04:08 AM

And you are all right. He doesn't want what I want, so why would he want to be friends with me. I have so many friends, saying this and saying that(I am too nice-be nasty, I need to get him back and they will help, or ditch him and let him know) None of that is me, I am not nasty and sure I want him back, but yes I want him to want me. I guess I figure there has got to be a man out there. Too many of my friends are negative about what I am going through and life. My heart says one thing and my mind another. I feel like such a fool(thought this man was for real) and at my age I should know better. I figured this time around I found someone whom really cared for me. Thank you all for being honest and upfront with me. I know being single is okay, but I do want that someone in my life like so many other people have.

Irishgirl · Dec 8, 2008, 04:22 AM

Hey just wondering how you are now?

packer04 · Dec 15, 2008, 04:06 PM

I still cry everyday. He called on my birthday but didn't want to go out with me. That hurt as we celebrated his day and I thought as a friend he would do that. He said he only wants to call me as a friend , that's what friendship is to him, not seeing one another. That hurts a lot. He is dating another but I still want him back. He is the man for me. It is so hard out there. I am ready to give up. No one seems to want a nice person, but only as a friend. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so lonely everyday and don't know where to turn. Thanks all for your kindness.

xoxaprilwine · Dec 15, 2008, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by packer04

I still cry everyday. He called on my birthday but didn't want to go out with me. That hurt as we celebrated his day and I thought as a friend he would do that. He said he only wants to call me as a friend , thats what friendship is to him, not seeing one another. That hurts a lot. He is dating another but I still want him back. He is the man for me. It is so hard out there. I am ready to give up. No one seems to want a nice person, but only as a friend. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so lonely everyday and don't know where to turn. Thanks all for your kindness.

I have already stated how I felt about your unfortunate situation on two previous posts and I hate to say it again but you need to move on I really hope you take those few difficult steps forward.

pandora2 · Dec 16, 2008, 02:16 AM

There is a great book called 'starting over'by john grey
It is fantastic, please read it,
This is not all about this guy but your previous abandonenments,
You need to heal and move on , create a happylife and then you will attract real love.

Let this guy go.

HistorianChick · Dec 16, 2008, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by packer04

I still cry everyday. He called on my birthday but didn't want to go out with me. That hurt as we celebrated his day and I thought as a friend he would do that. He said he only wants to call me as a friend , thats what friendship is to him, not seeing one another. That hurts a lot. He is dating another but I still want him back. He is the man for me. It is so hard out there. I am ready to give up. No one seems to want a nice person, but only as a friend. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so lonely everyday and don't know where to turn. Thanks all for your kindness.

What do you like to do for you?

I'm kind of the same type of person - I'm 29, single, live alone, work all day, come home to an empty apartment at night, was played by a "really nice man who didn't want benefits, only wanted to get to know me," alone, and with no prospects on the horizon. But I'm content. I've found the balance between wanting someone and needing someone.

I don't need a man, I'd like a man, but I don't need one. I need coffee. I need me-time. I need my family. I need my job. I need my car. I need food. I need coffee (did I already say that? :) ) I don't need a man.

You've got to figure out the things that you need. Write down a list of things that are basic, bare-bones, bottom line needs in your life. A man will not be on that list. You don't need a man to survive.

Then, you make a list of things that you would like. I'd like to go back to Europe. I'd like to learn more about photography. I'd like to someday meet a man and get married. I'd like to visit Toronto. I'd like to become a famous author.

Post these lists on your refrigerator or on your bathroom mirror. When you find yourself wanting that man that you think will complete you, remember, you don't NEED a man, you WANT a man, but you don't NEED one.

I wish you the best. I'm here for you! :)

kctiger · Dec 16, 2008, 07:30 AM

I like you Historian Chick, you sound right up my alley... my list of things I need:

1. Coffee
2. Coffee
3. Refer to Number 1

:)

talaniman · Dec 16, 2008, 08:33 AM

Time, Time and more Time. That's what heals you as you build for yourself, a life that makes you happy. The more you do for yourself, the more you heal. That's what you need, to heal.

packer04 · Dec 20, 2008, 07:49 PM

I know time heals and I am trying to forget him, but its very difficult when this man just was what I wanted and still want. Hes everything I want in a partner. Hes exactly me. I felt in my heart he was the man for me. I know that sounds silly, but you just seem to know. Its just hard, it's the holidays and being alone is difficult. I am a great gal whom thought I would have love in my life again. When he said I was it, that made me feel like this is the one. He was a nice guy, not a bad boy and it was so refreshing to finally find a nice guy. Its just confusing that after that many months with me, he didn't feel anything for me.(how can one not feel anything for a person) I don't get men. I try everyday to move on, but I still miss and think of him. He means a lot to me and I will always be his friend. That's what friends are for, to be there. So out there thanks for the advice, I am trying to forget him as more than a friend.

Merry Christmas!!

talaniman · Dec 20, 2008, 10:25 PM

Merry Christmas to you, and may you forget this guy, and heal, and be ready for one that feels the way you do, he does not.

packer04 · Dec 20, 2008, 10:39 PM

You are right. I need to forget about him, even as a friend. As his idea of a friend is very little friendship. And I need to heal. How? I am still trying to figure that out too. Thanks for all your advice and I hope that the right guy is out there for me. Thanks again.

kctiger · Dec 21, 2008, 07:29 AM

Healing is about taking time away from a certain situation, in your case, taking time away from your ex. Fill your life with things that mean a lot to you, including family and friends, and DO NOT CONTACT your ex. Get rid of everything that reminds you of him. In short, healing is all about building a life you enjoy and that makes you're a better person. Make yourself happy, and the rest follows. That is how you heal!

packer04 · Dec 26, 2008, 07:49 PM

Thanks everyone. I made it through the holidays, but they were lonely. I still think of him everyday and night, even cry at times. I just have a hard time forgetting him. He was the right guy, and when that guy comes along it means everything. I know we are just friends, but he is in my heart. He called me Christmas Eve. It was nice to talk to him. I so care for him. I know he doesn't want me like I want him, so its hard to get over him. I guess I just don't get it. I am finding it hard to get over a nice guy. They don't come around that often. My heart just seems empty without someone to enjoy life with. I fill my time up and do my thing, but I am still alone. I just hope someone out there feels the same way I do, some Mr. Right. Thanks for the advice. I am trying everyday to be stronger.

talaniman · Dec 27, 2008, 07:19 AM

Hi Packer, I don't think your ready to be a friend to him, and its hard to get over someone who you pin so much hope on, and still talk to him. That's torture I know.

I can only suggest, focusing elsewhere. And being not so available to this fellow. Until your emotions for him are under better control.

You need an extended period of No Contact, just for your own peace of mind, and the longer you put it off, the longer it will take to heal your wounded heart.

I know easier said than done, I hear that all the time.

Good luck for the New Year.

packer04 · Dec 27, 2008, 06:37 PM

You are right. I should not have any contact, but I feel like when he calls me its great. He only calls once in awhile and I know that's bad. I just have a hard time with getting over this guy. When I met him, I just had that feeling of he's the one, such a wonderful feeling and I had hoped that from him. I guess its just confusing to me-he seemed to be interested in me for 5 months, and then that's it. I had thought if a guy wanted you, he would keep seeing you, so I guess I was wrong. What is it with guys? I guess I am still hurt by the mixed signals I got from him. If he wasn't into me, he should have stopped seeing me. Isn't that the thing to do? I want to be his friend, but its hard when your feelings get in the way. I just feel like I failed with a nice guy. I don't want to go through rejection again with a nice guy. I thought this would be the one. I feel he is. I know its wrong to hang on and its not good for me. I don't want to ditch him as a friend as he did me. Does that make sense to anyone? I am just having a hard time getting over someone this wonderful. I never had anyone so good to me before. That's maybe why its hard to let go. I have to move on and get myself together. Its not easy. I have been through worse. People tell me someone will come along for me, someone that was meant for me. I have to think its true. Thanks everyone and have a Happy New Year!!

Elizabeth

packer04 · Jan 2, 2009, 06:05 PM

Well I hope everyone here had a great New Year. I wanted to tell everyone what happened New Years Eve around 5pm. I emailed all my friends to say Happy New Year and this man Martin was included in that email. Not thinking he was, oh well. I got a call from him. I told him I wished him a Happy New Year. Hope his parents are well. Ask him about work and how he is. Told him I wish him happiness and hopes he finds the one. He said "I haven't yet found what I am looking for" and then he said change that " I don't think I will find what I am looking for". But he said I found the one, but she doesn't want me and I can't have her". I said maybe someday you will. Then we talked of him going to Maine and said have a great week. He wished me Happy New Year and have a great week. I had to ask him what was it with me, he said nothing with you and told me not to change a thing about myself-its him. I know he is still in love with a woman who broke things off in April. You could hear it. Well at least I know nothing about me is wrong and maybe someday we will be good friends again. I feel he could have had me, I am a great gal. He looking for something that's not there, but its right there in front of him. I still am sad for myself and him. It's a New Year and I am trying to move on. I know I can. I just have to get over him and see him only as a friend and nothing more. Thanks everyone.

liz28 · Jan 2, 2009, 07:03 PM

You said it yourself, he isn't over his ex so why even try to be anything with him. You might think he's great but there's a lot of single great guys out there that would like the chance to connect with a person like you but if you going miss out on them if you continue to be stuck over this guy.