[amy1980]

My baby is 20 months old and she is very stubborn , what is the correct way to deal with her? Thank you.

[Wondergirl]

What does she do?

[wisdomnow_1]

Are you spending quality time with her? Baby's sense stress and also, do you work?
There are a lot of factors that effect their behavior. Sometimes it's because they are sensing your energy. They need a lot of reassurance, patience and love. Try and focus on her completely without distractions so that she knows that you are not in a rush to move on. My daughter was stubborn growing up too... it also could be their personality... I'm a divorcée so it really affected her. They just want to know that they are safe secured and loved!

[artlady]

She is at the age where she is finding out who she is and so she is asserting herself! That is a good thing.Be happy for that!

You have to lay down some rules and it is time to teach her who is boss... while still allowing her to be herself.

After all you would not want her to grow up to be a meek child who never had her own personality.

Children become very willful at that age and they have a very strong will but you must show them you have a will as well. And you are the boss!

The number one thing with children is consistency. By that I mean you have the same rules everyday and it does not change.That way they know the rules.

If they know the rules because you have told them in no uncertain terms what they are and they disobey there are consequences.

With a child that age I would use a naughty chair. I would say to that child*you did (insert offense) and you know that is naughty so you are going to the naughty chair. I find a egg timer good so they can see how long they have to sit there. They may get up again and again but you have to keep putting them back. Once they get the idea that you mean business they will comply.
When done with the timer ,when she has *done her time* give her a hug tell her why she was there and repeat as necessary.

For a child that young I would place the egg timer one 1 minute as they can't really sit for much longer without forgetting why they are there.

Any other problems I would be happy to help...


It does get better.. I promise.. some day you will laugh about this!

[Wondergirl]

The "Terrible Twos" usually begin well before the age of two. I'm guessing her being stubborn, as you call it, is really her push for independence. She might refuse foods you offer her because she wants to eat what she wants to eat. She might want to wear clothes that don't match because she wants to pick out her own clothes. "Me do!" and "Myself" and "Mine" and "Go away!" are words you will be hearing for a while.

This stubbornness and push for independence is a GOOD thing. It means she has realized she is not you and is a different person. (Psychologists call it separation and individuation.) She is becoming an individual with her own likes and dislikes. You are apparently a good parent because she has gotten to this stage of development so successfully.

Now, what to do about this. Go to your library and check out books on two-year-olds. And read them to get ideas. One idea is to start giving her choices. Say something like "Do you want to snack on soda crackers or Cheerios?" while you show her each thing. Don't give her more than three choices at once; two is good.

Sometimes there won't be choices for her, since you can't spend the time or money on always being able to give her choices. For instance, the family eats supper. She refuses peas, so you don't make an issue of it. Offer her mashed potatoes if that's on the table or applesauce if that's there for everyone. If she doesn't want any of it after being offered, then at the end of the meal, let her play or whatever she usually does. If she gets hungry, wait a bit or offer her easy snack stuff in her high chair or at her usual eating place, but don't go to a lot of trouble and don't make an issue of it.

Stay calm and don't fight with her. Be matter of fact and don't spend a lot of time talking and complaining or even yelling. Remember, she is right on time with this behavior simply because you are a good mom, and you want to continue to be a good mom.

She will not starve. She might like peas one day but not another day. She might eat peanut-buttered bread for two weeks. That's okay. Her body will begin to demand wholesome food and a variety of it, so one day she will eat what is in front of her without complaining and will wear what you lay out for her.

Take her grocery shopping with you and, while she's in the baby seat, talk with her about food as you shop. Let her help by making choices there too, like choosing beets instead of green beans or chicken instead of ham. And describe the differences to her (even if that makes you feel stupid for talking that way to a toddler). This is how she learns--from a calm and informative mommy. As I told another questioner, the more invested she becomes with the food being bought or grown or the clothes being made or purchased or whatever she is resisting, the less stubborn she will become.

Best wishes!