Check out some similar questions!

jjamjm · Dec 5, 2008, 01:50 PM

I have been in a relationship for 10yrs. We have been together since we were 18. I had a 6mnth child from a previous relationship. Things went well for 7yrs until he became addicted to prescribition drugs. We ended up breaking up for 2yrs and got back together after he decieded to receive treatment and was drug free. We have been back together now for 3yrs just bought a home. Everything seemed to be okay except our sexual part of the relationship. He never seemed to be intrested in having sex. He always used the excuse that it was his drug treatment. Now he says that in the last 6mnths he doesn't feel attracted to me. However, at the same time frame I was sking if we were using again. There are some things that he does that make me think he is. He denies every time, says he tired or thinks I'm kidding when I ask him or he will get mad. He wants to be with me and my child and loves me but that it sucks he is having this problem with sexually being with me. He says he sees me more as his sister than his girlfriend lately. I don't know if he says this because he knows I'll leave if I find out he is using again.

Any insight would help.

BMI · Dec 5, 2008, 02:20 PM

Not sure he's using again based on his not being as sexually active as you would like.

Here's something to think about, abusing pain killers (I assume)has a devastating effect on a person physically and mentally. The drug alters your brain, depending on how long he has abused them it could take months to years and years to be back to normal again. Also, getting clean and entertaining a relationship is very hard to do, maybe he needs time or just needs you to understand all the changes he's going through.

You need to speak with him about it and not jump to conclusions about him using again, if he's clean just imagine what you saying that to him would do.

artlady · Dec 5, 2008, 02:24 PM

Its very difficult from this end to say that he is using again.I know some people have a diminished sex drive when they take narcotics.I would suggest you do some snooping to find out.Are his sleep patterns different? Are his eating habits or work habits different?
These are some indicators of drug use.Is he associating with people who use or does he have new friends who may be using?

The one given about drug abuse is that almost everyone relapses at least once.
It is the nature of the beast.If you haven't done so already I would become informed about his drug of choice and find out what particular personality changes occur when using that drug.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt I would say that it could be that long term relationship funk that happens in many relationships.

Keeping a long term relationship exciting sexually takes some work.

You may just need to spice things up a bit.

Talk it out and see if there isn't something you can do to rekindle those old flames.
Communication is key and maybe he is just feeling a little bored with the sex.

Best of luck!

jjamjm · Dec 5, 2008, 07:38 PM

I'm always trying to communicate with him. But he just shuts me out. He always says we'll talk tomorrow. Than tomorrow comes and he pretends nothing is wrong.

Choux · Dec 5, 2008, 07:54 PM

If you take a step back and assess your situation, you will see that this guy is not for you and you are not for him... unless you want to have an unhappy life of accusations and denials... not to mention the damage done to your child being in such a negative environment.

Move on is my opinion.

texas8806 · Dec 5, 2008, 08:14 PM

I don't think that he is using, but it is hard to determine that from things that you talked about above. I would have to agree with Choux. If you step back and assess your situation you would probably see that he is not right for you. The part where he sees you more as a sister then a girlfriend that would be a warning sign that he may not see you as a couple and just friends, but I could be wrong.

artlady · Dec 5, 2008, 08:17 PM

Hay JJAM.
You said*I'm always trying to communicate with him. But he just shuts me out. He always says we'll talk tomorrow. Than tomorrow comes and he pretends nothing is wrong.*

He is shutting you out for [U]some reason[/U Was he ever one to share his feelings or is this a new thing?

Maybe he is struggling with something he just can't share but the bottom line is if he does not want to be with you and its not going to change you need to tell him this* Give me the respect I am due and if you don't love me anymore at least have the decency to tell me so we can move on.*

He owes you that much after a long term relationship such as yours.

Sometimes you just can't be complacent and sit back and take it,you have to get in someone's face and ask for a showdown.You do deserve answers and he is being thoughtless and selfish to not give you any.

Insist on!!

Tell him not tomorrow.. its now and that sit!

Stick up for yourself! Start by telling him you love him but you have a right to be treated fairly and know what is going on!

Best of luck!

KBC · Dec 6, 2008, 06:58 PM

Maybe reading this site might help you to set boundries with him.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

lisa45 · Dec 6, 2008, 08:53 PM

I would also say that this guy is not for you. Because you want a relatonship where you can have enjoyable sex, and work out your problems. He told you he is not attracted to you, it may be an excuse it may not. But either way it doesn't work out well.

Jake2008 · Dec 13, 2008, 09:21 PM

It may not be drugs at all. It may have to do with something physical- has he seen a Doctor? Perhaps he has some erectile dysfunction. Throwing up excuses that he's not sexually attracted to you, or that he thinks of you as a sister, seems to me to be excuses designed to not get to the truth. He may very well be hiding what he doesn't want the world to know. I wouldn't give up on him without a fight. Try to see past the obvious, and as someone said, set some expectations, and support any steps he takes to find answers. Maybe he doesn't even know himself.

Redz · Dec 30, 2008, 08:39 AM

The first thing about being in recovery it is highly recommended that for the first year you should not be in a relationship! He needs time to find himself and the reasons behind his past addiction maybe it has something to do sexually and he is not ready to share that with you or even himself! If you love him the way you say you do try new things together sex will come in time if it meant to! Invest in some toys!