[pennies4layla]

Hi all, I was with a guy for 3 years, we loved each other very much.. after a year and a half I became pregnant and after much deliberation and advice from a councillor we both decided, being in our early 20s that we were not ready for a baby and had a termination.. we got through the dark days, weeks and months and although at times we were both sad we still loved each other very much. I moved away for work and we kept things going for a while but soon the long distance thing was difficult and we decided it wasn't a good idea to stay together it was too hard and we broke up.. I work away a lot but I found that each time I was home we would end up meeting, that went on for a while too even though we were both seeing other people at different stages... nothing too serious but just getting on with our lives, in retrospect I suppose none of it was really healthy. Anyway recently we met and spent a lot of time together and we both decided we'v become really confused not knowing what we truly want. I'm very much in love with this guy but find it so hard to keep going around in circles. He loves me too but maybe not enough to commit to me at this stage in his life.. also the termination was hard on us both and we still think about it every other day.. we have a lot in common we like the same things, we'r pretty much best friends with the addition of being highly attracted to one another. The las t few weeks we spent together was such a lovely but confusing time we both agreed... we just hung out, talked, laughed etc we had sex once during that time but he said that he did not feel we should again as he thought it might make things more difficult in the long run, even though he wanted to he couldn't out of respect. Anyway after my long winde description I'd love if anyone ha any advice on what I should do about this whole thing.. we love each other but are we in love with each other? Do we just want like-minded company? Sometimes I feel maybe the abortion is binding us together but keeping us apart at the same time?? Sorry for such a long description about what's going on but there's peobably still so much I haven't said! I thank you all for taking the time to read and even think about another persons dilemma x

[8120joy]

Oh You've been through so much.

Abortion is a massvie deal and big thing to get over, especially for you.

For this relationship.. it really depends, Im sure you've both changed a lot over this time and if you both willing to make it work then it could happen and could be better than last time.

You said about 'going round in circles' with this guy... do you just mean because youbroke up and now might be back together and this has continued on and neither of you are sure?

Sometimes I think we can know what a person is like and think... wow a relationship with that person would be wonderful, but in reality its very different.

Maybe you're both hanging on to an idea of 'What could be' but the reality is more difficult than either of you are willing to take on.

It would be a lot of work for both of you, are you willing to go through all that in order to be with him? Is he for you?

Ask him for an answer, give him a little time... if it takes more than a little time then my advice would be to move on. If you have chosen this to be in the past then let it be and move on.

Good luck with everything

[talaniman]

I think your both trying to hold on to something you had, but don't have any more, and seeing each other only stirs up those old feelings in each other.

You may be bonded by your shared experience forever, but its time to let each other go, and both of you can mourn, and heal. Its tough, I know, but this back and forth has only prolonged the hurt, and confusion.

Let it go! Time will do the rest.