Check out some similar questions!

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 05:40 AM

I'm 16 and my girlfriend is 14, she's very mature for her age but her parents don't take that into consideration. I have never met them and they already don't like me and don't approve of our relationship because I'm 16 and I dropped out of school. I'm not the average dropout though, I dropped out because my family would be living in a van if I didn't get a full time job. But anyway my question is is it possible for her parents to file statutory rape charges against me if we have sex? And if possible could anyone give me some advice on how I can get her parents to look past the fact that I'm 16 and don't go to school?

Marius200666 · Dec 4, 2008, 05:43 AM

Im not sure if they can file for anything. But I know for a fact that you would be breaking the law if you had sex with her and I'm sure there is someone out there who could take you to court for raping her.

"im sure there is someone out there who could take you to court for raping her"

Because

You would be having sex with a minor.

J_9 · Dec 4, 2008, 05:45 AM

It depends on where you live as to whether her parents can file charges against you.

With that said though, she is too young for you. I've heard the maturity comments way too many times, so that doesn't cut it for me. The fact is she is 14 and you are 16.

Her parents make the rules. If they don't want their daughter dating you, you have to respect that. My daughter is 15 and I would not allow her to date someone who is 17 and quit school for whatever reason. I have higher expectations of her and who she dates, and your girl's parents may feel the same.

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

It depends on where you live as to whether or not her parents can file charges against you.

With that said though, she is too young for you. I've heard the maturity comments way too many times, so that doesn't cut it for me. The fact is she is 14 and you are 16.

Her parents make the rules. If they don't want their daughter dating you, you have to respect that. My daughter is 15 and I would not allow her to date someone who is 17 and quit school for whatever reason. I have higher expectations of her and who she dates, and your girl's parents may feel the same.

I live in Washington state. And I've tried looking this up online and I can't find anything about it anywhere.

Yes I understand she is young for me, but I have seen way bigger age differences, for instance a friend of mine when I was a freshman was dating a guy who was a senior. And everyone thought it was fine. My girlfriends sister is 17 and dates guys who are upwards of 20 and her parents have no problem with it.

And if your daughter was in a situation like this you wouldn't even give the guy a chance, meet him and sit down and talk with him for a bit before you judged him? Seems a little irrational to me.

J_9 · Dec 4, 2008, 06:26 AM

Originally Posted by Squb

I live in washington state. and I've tried looking this up online and I can't find anything about it anywhere.

Yes I understand she is young for me, but I have seen way bigger age differences, for instance a friend of mine when I was a freshman was dating a guy who was a senior. and everyone thought it was fine. my girlfriends sister is 17 and dates guys who are upwards of 20 and her parents have no problem with it.

And if your daughter was in a situation like this you wouldn't even give the guy a chance, meet him and sit down and talk with him for a bit before you judged him? seems a little irrational to me.

Washington States age of consent is 16/18. So yes, you could go to jail and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life. Also remember that sex = pregnancy. She is physically too young to get pregnant, and you are not able to support her if she were to get pregnant since you had to quit school to support your family.

I never said I would not meet the boy my daughter wanted to date, but at age 15 and the boy 17, I would NOT allow it. You will understand this rationalization when you become a parent of a teenager.

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Washington States age of consent is 16/18. So yes, you could go to jail and be labeled a sex offender for the rest of your life. Also remember that sex = pregnancy. She is physically too young to get pregnant, and you are not able to support her if she were to get pregnant since you had to quit school to support your family.

I never said I would not meet the boy my daughter wanted to date, but at age 15 and the boy 17, I would NOT allow it. You will understand this rationalization when you become a parent of a teenager.

Sex only equals pregnancy if you're stupid about it or if you want the pregnancy. So that statement isn't all true.

Well in that case at what age would you allow a two year age difference?

J_9 · Dec 4, 2008, 06:51 AM

Sex = pregnancy period. You don't have to be stupid about it. There are no forms of birth control that are 100% effective. Condoms fail, birth control pills aren't 100% effective, etc. Only abstinence does not result in pregnancy.

What age would I allow a two year age difference? At about age 17. When my daughter is 17 I will toy with the idea dependent upon who the boy is. There are other factors involved besides age.

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 07:33 AM

Ok, you're the health expert so I guess you'd know a lot more about that than I would.

What are the other factors? I'm trying to understand as much as I can from a parents point of view.

J_9 · Dec 4, 2008, 07:37 AM

I am not only a health expert, but a registered nurse in obstetrics and gynecology as my field of specialty. So, I know a little about how babies are made. LOL I'm also the mother of 4 kids, ages 22, 20, 14, and 6 respectfully.

What other factors? Grades, a boy must make pretty good grades to date my daughter, morals, values, attitude. Is he a player? Does he date around? Is he looking for something like just a good time?

My daughter and I have been discussing this recently because she likes someone younger than herself who is constantly in trouble. Her father and I will not let her date him due to the kind of trouble he gets in as well as the fact that he is a failing student in school.

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 08:05 AM

Ok, my girlfriends dad is big on education, he doesn't have a problem with the age thing, that's more her step mom, so in my case I'm getting my GED over the course of the next couple weeks and then I will be enrolled in the welding program at the technical college where I live. If you were my girlfriends parent and I was getting As in all the classes I was taking would that help the fact that I dropped out of high school? And I was raised to treat women with the utmost respect. Like, when we go on a date, I pay for dinner and the movie or whatever depending on where we go, I hold doors open for women nomatter who they are, I listen actually listen when my girlfriend talks to me unlike a lot of guys out there. I actually care about her. I believe that even thinking about considering to hit a woman is absolutley wrong. Doesn't matter what she did a guy never has the right to hit a girl. I grew up in a household full of girls. I live with my mom and my 4 sisters. I'm not the kind of guy where my brain is in my pants. The whole sex thing was just out of curiosity, it probably won't even happen unless we're together for a year or so.

JudyKayTee · Dec 4, 2008, 08:21 AM

Originally Posted by Squb

Ok, my girlfriends dad is big on education, he doesn't have a problem with the age thing, that's more her step mom, so in my case I'm getting my GED over the course of the next couple weeks and then I will be enrolled in the welding program at the technical college where I live. If you were my girlfriends parent and I was getting As in all the classes I was taking would that help the fact that I dropped out of highschool? And I was raised to treat women with the utmost respect. Like, when we go on a date, I pay for dinner and the movie or whatever depending on where we go, I hold doors open for women nomatter who they are, I listen actually listen when my girlfriend talks to me unlike a lot of guys out there. I actually care about her. I believe that even thinking about considering to hit a woman is absolutley wrong. Doesn't matter what she did a guy never has the right to hit a girl. I grew up in a household full of girls. I live with my mom and my 4 sisters. I'm not the kind of guy where my brain is in my pants. The whole sex thing was just out of curiosity, it probably wont even happen unless we're together for a year or so.

So you aren't going to even consider having sex with her until she's 15 and she's 17? Somehow I doubt the parents will find that reassuring.

How is she able to date you when her parents don't approve and haven't met you?

Is she sneaking out of the house?

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 09:08 AM

Well when it does happen we're not going to go and tell her parents, we're waiting until she's ready. Which for all I know could be when she's 18 I don't know, you can't just set a date for that kind of thing. No she's not sneaking out of the house, I wouldn't let her do that and she lives in the county anyway so there would be no way for her to get into town. Her school has off campus lunches so sometimes I go and see her at lunch, or when she gets out of school before her bus comes.

JudyKayTee · Dec 4, 2008, 09:09 AM

Originally Posted by Squb

Well when it does happen we're not going to go and tell her parents, we're waiting until she's ready. which for all I know could be when she's 18 I don't know, you can't just set a date for that kind of thing. No she's not sneaking out of the house, I wouldn't let her do that and she lives in the county anyway so there would be no way for her to get into town. Her school has off campus lunches so sometimes I go and see her at lunch, or when she gets out of school before her bus comes.

So you are not dating, you're more in a friendship which could turn into dating?

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 09:23 AM

Umm no. she's my girlfriend. I see her a few times during the week at her school and if it works out right and she can go somewhere on a weekend then I take her out.

JudyKayTee · Dec 4, 2008, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by Squb

umm no. she's my girlfriend. I see her a few times during the week at her school and if it works out right and she can go somewhere on a weekend then I take her out.

OK, so then I'm back to being confused. I thought you only saw her at the bus stop and at school lunches.

How, if her parents don't approve and have never met you, is she leaving her house with you?

mskahoot · Dec 4, 2008, 09:28 AM

She said right

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 09:33 AM

Well the weekend thing doesn't happen a lot that why I didn't mention it. And she doesn't leave her house with me, we meet somewhere and go from there.

J_9 · Dec 4, 2008, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by Squb

well the weekend thing doesn't happen a lot that why I didn't mention it. and she doesn't leave her house with me, we meet somewhere and go from there.

So she is being untrustworthy towards her parents and disrespecting their rules. If this were my daughter, and I found out, not only would she never be allowed to see you again, she would be grounded for an eternity.

JudyKayTee · Dec 4, 2008, 12:09 PM

Originally Posted by Squb

well the weekend thing doesn't happen a lot that why I didn't mention it. and she doesn't leave her house with me, we meet somewhere and go from there.

I think your legal question has been answered. Now it's more into the personal questions, relationship questions.

I asked you specifically how you are able to "date" and you deliberately gave me an evasive action. Now the answer is "you meet somewhere and go from there." So basically a 14 year old is sneaking around behind her parents' back?

You may be a great person, motivated, with a bright career - but I wouldn't want my 14 year old daughter in the company of someone who encourages her to lie.

Squb · Dec 4, 2008, 01:18 PM

I don't encourage her to do anything she makes her own decisions regardless of what I think. And when she wants to see me she's going to do whatever it takes to see me. Obviously I asked the wrong people about this because you don't get it. Both of you are being just like her parents. You can't control your kids life. Whether you think its right to do or you think you're a good parent you're not. If you try to control your kids' lives they will rebel and hate you. My girlfriends parents are controlling, she is rebeling, and she hates them. I spent the first half of my life living with my dad who is a controlling prick. I rebelled, I hate him. You're not protecting your children you are pushing them away. It's the same principle as the no stank you commercials. They don't help they make the problem worse by making smokers pissed off. And what do smokers do when they're pissed off? They smoke. And not only that but then you've got more pissed off people walking around smoking because "it relaxes them" and they're basically advertising cigarettes as a way to calm down. So when you try to control your teen and she gets pissed off she's going to walk around all pissed off see someone with a cigarette and think "hey that will be a perfect way to say you mom"
Don't you get it?
You're corrupting your own children without even realizing it? You can't shelter your kids like that. Let them make their own mistakes. Because I guarantee they will become much better people if you let them learn from they're own mistakes and not yours.
You may think that since you're the parent you have absolute control. But you're wrong. You have absolutely no control. For all you know you're daughter could be in the bushes behind the school right now at lunch smoking pot because she's pissed off you won't let her date the boy she wants to date.
You can be a parent and not controlling. It is possible.