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miaann · Nov 14, 2008, 05:04 PM

So I was dating my ex boyfriend for a very long time off and on. I made a few mistakes in our relationship and I lost his trust. I lied about a lot of things as well. I feel very guilty and I want to show him that I have actually changed. He just started dating someone else, but he told me that once he can trust me again, then he will work things out with me. He told me that he still loves me and it shows. He said that all he wants is to be able to trust me again and then things will be fine. He also told me that I still have his heart. I'm not sure why he would have a girlfriend then, but I can tell that he would eventually want to work things out. I know that I need to change and show him the real me. I really want to prove to him that I am a better person and that I am trustworthy. Any advice? Please help me. I don't know where to start. I love this guy so much and have realized what I have done wrong. Should I just keep trying to show him gradually that I am trustworthy and what not? I'm willing to fight for him back. Please help me! Thanks so much.

NItEMArE129 · Nov 14, 2008, 07:49 PM

You pretty much answered your own question. You know what he wants. You think you can do it. So make yourself a better person, stop lying, and if you can do that consistently, THEN you can go talk to him. But only then, otherwise he won't notice a difference. Don't hang on him waiting for him to take you back.

If you're asking how to become more trustworthy, you need to figure out why you lie in the first place. Is it easier? Are you afraid that something bad will happen? Is it simply a habit you formed? Whatever the cause, you need to find it and fix it.

babyshooter11 · Nov 14, 2008, 08:14 PM

I don't know I'm very skeptical about the fact that he has a girlfriend. That's a major red flag. I know this may sound a bit extreme but if I were you I would definitely just call it quits and move on to something else.

xxariesxx · Nov 14, 2008, 10:39 PM

Listen, if he has a girlfriend, that really is a red flag.

Either way, he's going to hurt you, or her. He's not taking any feelings into account other than his own.
If he really wanted to be with you then he would NOT be getting with another girl. Think about that girl too; how do you think she would feel about this? How do you know he would not do that to you if he met another girl too?

My point is he is moving on, despite what he says. Actions are louder than words. I suggest you move on as well.

britaay011 · Dec 1, 2008, 03:02 PM

Try to prove to him that you've changed , and you won't lie anymore. I know how you feel. I made a lot of mistakes when I was with my ex, I used to get mad at him every second for the dumbest reasons. Your just very lucky he's willing to give you a another chance. So make it worthwhile. Because trust me, once that chance is gone, it may never come back.

xoxaprilwine · Dec 1, 2008, 03:29 PM

Originally Posted by miaann

So I was dating my ex boyfriend for a very long time off and on. I made a few mistakes in our relationship and I lost his trust. I lied about a lot of things as well. I feel very guilty and I want to show him that I have actually changed. He just started dating someone else, but he told me that once he can trust me again, then he will work things out with me. He told me that he still loves me and it shows. He said that all he wants is to be able to trust me again and then things will be fine. He also told me that I still have his heart. I'm not sure why he would have a girlfriend then, but I can tell that he would eventually want to work things out. I know that I need to change and show him the real me. I really want to prove to him that I am a better person and that I am trustworthy. Any advice? Please help me. I don't know where to start. I love this guy so much and have realized what I have done wrong. Should I just keep trying to show him gradually that I am trustworthy and what not? I'm willing to fight for him back. Please help me! Thanks so much.

Well if you have been dating on and off for sometime that right there tells me there are some issues aside from what you are providing us with, moreover, what is it someone said on this site before “that ship has sailed long ago”. Is breaking up and getting back together a pattern? This is not the definition of a “healthy” relationship but rather an “unstable” one. After someone lies and lies over and over, it is hard to trust them again and sometimes even after forgiveness…it is considered misplaced trust because he will always question whether what you're saying is true. White lies or big lie affect the impact but not the basis of the issue. He say's that he still loves you, shows it, you have his heart and will work things out with you once “he” notices a change and can trust you again; that you will work things out and be back together. BUT then why does he have another girlfriend for? He has already taken steps to move on rather then supporting you with your situation, being a friend and taking it slow. It didn't take him long to find a short-quick fix…I can't imagine how this other girl would feel if she knew what he was saying? Makes me think what he says about you? He is not fair to her, not fair to you and not fair to himself by conducting the behavior he is.

I am significantly happy to hear that you have recognized your own “fault” and “contribution” to the fall out of the relationship (though I am more than positive you where not the only one held accountable), good for you…that takes a lot of courage admitting to lying. Start by making honest changes within yourself and what, when and why (triggers) you to lie. A small movement like that can make an positive enormous transformation for your self-image and confidence. If you would like to stay in contact with him and “prove yourself” and really work it out then I think that that's what you will do, not to say, I really think you should move on but not my life and not my decision. If you love someone, no one can tell you anything or stop you from choosing to be with this person. I suggest you talk to him about this “girlfriend” she has to be out of the picture…its not fair to her and he needs to know that it is not acceptable to you…he needs to decide not to run on both sides of the grass or stop and eat dessert ever so often when you break up.

Best of luck

liz28 · Dec 1, 2008, 04:14 PM

If he has a girlfriend I wouldn't even try to win him back. If he is wlling to try to work things out with you while having a girlfriend, what does that tell you about his character? He is going wait for you to prove you change while being involve with someone else. So this girl that doesn't have a clue is being lead on in case you don't prove to him that you change but if you do she gets the boot.

He need to leave this other girl and come clean to her and if he doesn't I hope she finds out what he's up to and leave him.

Princesa559 · Dec 2, 2008, 11:41 PM

From experience, he is moving on already and you should too. My friend passed through this and she waited for more than a year and he eventually just stopped calling her back, and 't ended up getting the girl pregnant. He is just using you to fall back on. If it doesn't work with her, he will come back to you but not for love so you should just find someone better..
Good Luck!