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lawyer33 · Dec 1, 2008, 11:15 AM

I was dating a guy for the past 8 months. We talked everyday, with him calling me often. We never ever fought and hung out at least every other night. Every time I'd see him he'd tell me how much he missed me... even if it was just a day or so that went by. He would always look at me (when he thought I wouldn't notice), kiss me and tell me I was gorgeous. He even bought a house and told me how happy he was that I liked it.

His birthday was Friday the 28th and on the 26th he said he was happy we were spending his birthday together. That night, I tried calling and he told me he was out with his friends. No worries, we both did that. On Thanksgiving he was with his mom and sister. That night I called and he didn't respond. He never not returned my calls. At midnight, I called for a second time just to say happy birthday. At 9am, he texts me that he needs to come over so we can talk about some things. At 915 he stops by and looks like . He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me he's unhappy with himself and he can't do this anymore. I opened the door and he left. He said bye, I said nothing. I showed no emotion, I was in shock. When he left, I broke down. Keep in mind, it was his birthday. I had his presents sitting near the couch. I didn't give them to him. It all happened in about 5 minutes.

At 3pm, after advice from my sister, I called him. I just wanted to know why. I had no idea. It was honestly out of the blue. He picked up the phone. I asked if he had a few minutes to talk, and he said of course I do. He then told me he has self-image problems and is not happy with the person he is. I told him how much I hurt and how I was confused. By then, I was crying. He told me he was crying all night before. I then said I would always be there for him and hung up.

I know he is not the kind of person who would cheat on me. I do know that he was insane about his weight. He never ate and only ate fat free peanut butter and pretzels and water. I also found diet pills once. I am an independent woman who has never been broken up with before, nor have I ever been happy with someone before him. Every relationship turns long term and the guy becomes too dependent. Now, I feel dependent. I can't eat or sleep, I am so worried about him and yet so hurt about how easily dispensible he made me feel. The last time I contacted him after we spoke on Friday was Saturday. I emailed him that "I know you dont eat well and that can't make you feel well. I want you to be healthy and happy with or without me. Please know that I am here for you, but I will not write again. I miss you too much." and that was it.

I know he loved me. I am absolutely broken and confused. What should I do? Please, please help.

talaniman · Dec 1, 2008, 12:19 PM

What ever his issues, believe its over, and let him go. Give him the time, and space, to deal with his own demons, while you regroup and move on.

lawyer33 · Dec 1, 2008, 12:37 PM

... but wouldn't that make me a bad friend (separate from any relationship)? Shouldn't I try to help? Although I guess he wasn't very respectful of our relationship or friendship by ending it so spontaneously... but then if he has problems..

talaniman · Dec 1, 2008, 01:13 PM

He didn't ask for your help, and its time to put yourself first. Be a good friend to yourself first.

lawyer33 · Dec 1, 2008, 01:21 PM

Thank you for your time and advice.

SimpleguyJoe · Dec 1, 2008, 01:42 PM

I agree with Talaniman, you have to assume that it's over because it very well could be. Maybe he just needed some time to deal with himself but you will never really know the truth of that.

So to save yourself the pain just tell yourself that it's over and if anything happens down the road that's good for you. But for now you have to put yourself first and start to move on. Also in the future if a man is getting to dependent on you maybe cut him some slack and tell him and work things out =)

lawyer33 · Dec 1, 2008, 01:53 PM

Good points, I will never know the truth... everything he said could be a way to make me feel less bad about the break-up (if that's possible)... and thanks for the advice re: dependent men. I am very upfront about my feelings and we do try to work it out, that's why the relationship is long... in the end, though, nothing works. I have to go to NYC this week for work, hopefully it will help me think of something else. I keep wanting to just show up at his house, which I know is bad.