[Valentina_no1]

Hi,

I was in a relationship for nearly 6 years. It began close to the time when I a parent was sick, then they died.
It was nice t begin with, the person seemed to be there when I needed support. I did go through issues - like becoming bankrupt. This person was the only person who gave me financial help. My family didn't provide this support. In a sense he has been my one constant over these past 6 years, supporting me when I needed for example financial help, helped me with my costs when I got a secondment.
Why it didn't work, as time went on realised my partner had serious anger management issues, they woould flip out over little things. They would sometims be cruel by calling me names like "silly cow". Then there was anotherb friend who supposedly had cancer, I know they were helping this person financially.
Now the relationship is over, I'm finding it dificult, week one to get over it.
I know you may think I must be sad still missing this ex. What has happened to me, used to think I was strong person? Why am I finding difficult getting over my ex.

[JohnD212]

Well your entire relationship was based on how dysfunctional the two of you were together. Everything you described showed how weak the two of you were and most likely.. co-dependent. You both needed to be strong on your own to make a healthy happy relationship. Don't rose color a messed up relationship just because its over.

It's going to hurt my friend. There is no way to get past that faster than it takes you to heal. If you try to cover up the pain with a new man, drinking or drugs... the pain won't be gone... it'll just sit and wait... getting more painful until someday you release it on a new guy.

No contact. Don't talk, text, visit or write your ex. You have to learn to be with yourself. Feel the pain. Remember that if you have no contact... the only pain you're feeling is coming from inside you... and that pain is your control.

#1 Advice from me would be to focus on cleaning up your life... you seem to have enough issues you can focus on that this relationship is the least of your worries. When your life is cleaned up you'll be a much more attractive package to a healthy partner... not another co-dependent / dysfunctional person.

Be strong!

[Valentina_no1]

I suppose you have made some good points. Somehow will all the loses and had of people close to me I became to dependent on my ex.
I suppose it should be easier to recover especially since I did the really big thing and move abroad recently. They live in another country.
I guess if I could start over gain in another country, that I do have the strength. I just have to build my esteem back.
I think my ex liked me having problems, him seeing to be the bigger guy. He didn't like me being strong. I can't believe I let him make me feel weak.

[JohnD212]

People don't make us feel things... most likely he just reinforced something you already felt about yourself... perhaps you felt weak or a victim. A good partner should help you realize those aren't true... sounds to me like he just made you feel weaker and more a victim. I would say moving around is good to get new ideas in your life but remember that healing from relationships and lifes issues aren't erased by physically moving away from the pain. You have internal issues with this that you need to work on.

I moved to so many cities due to a broken heart in the old city I can't tell you... all I got from moving was a new address. The pain is still there and several years later I'm finally feeling all of them catching up.

Please take the advice of those who have been there before... no contact with him... probably forever. Every time you open communication... you also open your heart wide open to be wounded.

Good luck to you.

[talaniman]

Changes that must be made often leave us sad, and empty, but for whatever reason, be grateful some one was there when you needed them, and realize that its time to stand on your own.

Don't be so hard on yourself, just give yourself time, to let the emotional dust settle, and adjust to the reality you find yourself in.