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Marta1Dream · Nov 28, 2008, 11:02 AM

I have been married for almost 3 years. I work in tourism and in my job I sometimes travel and participate to social events (lunches, dinners)
After the first 3 months of our marriage my husband started insinuating that I have an affair with my boss. My large company was putting together a show in Hawaii and since 400 agents were going to be hosted I had to go as well. I still do not hear the end of that.
I left that company and now I never travel together with my boss as this is a very small company, so if needed either me or him will go on a business trip. I have been here for 2 years and went in one 3 day trip at a travel trade. Husband accused me of arranging the trip so I can see some ex lover. Everything is false and I feel very hurt.
Every time I go on a business lunch or dinner he brings up a storm. He keeps insinuating that I am actually going to a hotel and having an affair with this new boss-who by the way is a happily married man, not that it would matter.
Yesterday I had to come in the office as we had some clients stranded in Thailand and I had to arrange for them to get out. Of course my husband started accusing me that I actually am hiding an affair with my boss since no one else was in the office.
He never gets physical but this emotional abuse is very draining. We are both from Europe and have no family here and he has no close friends.
I am happy in the marriage and love him very much but what can I do? Should I leave him?
He would not go to therapy and works very long hours.
Please help,
Marta

450donn · Nov 28, 2008, 11:22 AM

He won't go get professional help, so I really don't see a lot of alternatives. He is jealous for some reason? Have you ever cheated on him or is he simply a very possessive type of person?

mugger · Nov 28, 2008, 11:44 AM

There is a saying about the jealous type. "they who accuse are usually to blame for what they are accusing". Do you suspect him at all? Could that be a reason he is refusing counseling? I hope not, but it's a possibility to consider.

Marta1Dream · Nov 28, 2008, 11:45 AM

I never cheated him but he had other women in his past who he claims did, although now I am wondering if this is not just a pattern of possesiveness.

Marta1Dream · Nov 28, 2008, 11:48 AM

I do not think he does it now, but he may be thinking about cheating, who knows. We are both in the late 40ties. OK maybe we were a little wild when we were young, but all I want now is a quiet partner of life who respects and loves me and with whom I can grow old and happy. I really am too old and tired for any adventures and would hate to start this dating all over again.

450donn · Nov 29, 2008, 12:57 PM

Once a cheater, always a cheater. If he refuses professional help, then I really don't see a lot of options. You can either put up with his behavior or tell him to get lost. You have already sacrificed one job for him, why put up with any more of his badgering?

nsb · Dec 1, 2008, 06:31 AM

I think his past friends who cheated him have great influence on how he thinks.Maybe you should look into his eyes and give him a strong assurance that you love him very very much and you have no reason to see someone else.I think he should see it in your eyes n feel it in your voice.Tell it with conviction that you are not like his other girlfriends and he has to trust you.
Also you should give him a little bit of importance in your daily life.